Aren’t we single ladies always on the quest to find the perfect man? Just yesterday, I was on that quest. And then I met him. For the sake of this post, let’s call this perfect man John. John is smart, nice, good-looking, Jewish (which matters a lot to my mother), and would spoil me rotten as my boyfriend. He’s not just your average amount of smart; he’s employed at a top web company (one you use on a regular basis) and is destined to be more successful than anyone I know.

He’s not just your average amount of nice; he has mastered chivalry to a T and is so caring that it makes my judgmental soul squirm. And he’s also not just sort of good-looking. Rather, every time one of my friends meets him, their first response is: “Wow, John’s hot.” I can totally tell they’re eying him for themselves. Oh, and did I mention that John’s after me like Tyra on the search for “America’s Next Top Model”?

I should be in heaven, right? But I’m not. Because as perfect as he is, John just doesn’t make me want to rip my clothes off. And I don’t know why.

Some men skip from relationship to relationship, never once staying single, because they always have a girl waiting in the wings. We tend to hate these guys, but it might be our fault they exist. Social psychologists at Oklahoma State University published a report in the current issue of Journal of Experimental Social Psychology on “mate poaching.” Participants in their study were shown the same picture of a moderately attractive male or female, depending on their gender, and some were told the person was in a relationship. Then, participants indicated how interested they’d be in pursuing a relationship with the person in the photo.

Have you ever dated someone who smelled really hot? Not good, mind you—but hot, like sex in a sniffable form. There’s a scientific explanation for this phenomenon—it’s caused by pheromones, hormones we all secrete that shout to the opposite sex, “Hey you! I want to get naked now!”

Last week, the New York Times ran a story about how synthetic pheromones are making their way into beauty products. Evidently, products with pheromones have been on shelves for forevs (you’re late to the party once again, Times), but the article claims that more are coming down the pipeline containing the stuff. Paris Hilton’s perfume has ‘em, as does Urban Decay’s Pocket Rocket lip glosses. Dial is even coming out with Men Magnetic Attraction Enhancing Body Wash for dudes, though please lord, don’t let their commercials veer the way of Axe. [New York Times]

Companies want people to believe these products are akin to love potions. (“We don’t claim using our product you’re going to hit a home run,” said Ryan Gaspar, Men Magnetic Attraction’s brand manager. “We say, ‘We’ll get you to first base.’”) Meanwhile, scientists are hugely skeptical because no one’s sure how, exactly, pheromones play into this whole attraction game.

So there was only one thing left to do: try them for myself.

Let’s get science-y. I read this study today about how women can be attracted to a number of different things, physically. (I am assuming this study was done in the US or some western European country). Men, on the other hand, are attracted to mainly the same things and no, the answer is not “vagina” as my boyfriend so helpfully put it when I asked him if he knew what physical characteristics all men liked.

The overall message was that men like women who are thin and seductive. On a related note, there should literally be a book of obvious studies done. Do you know how many come out each year? You’ll see headlines like “Swallowing more than one magnet extremely dangerous” and “It’s confusing to drive in Germany.” Yes, we know this. My problem with this current study is threefold. I am pretty sure that’s a word. Continue reading…

You like the movies, and he likes TV. You make the bed, and he steals the covers. You take two steps forward, and he takes two steps back. But you come together because opposites attract. Right? Not exactly. Despite the success of Paula Abdul’s catchy 1989 hit, the complexities of human attraction continue to befuddle the biologists, psychologists, and romantics who dare to ask the perennial questions: why, when, and how are we attracted to people so different from ourselves?

Sometimes it’s difficult to tell the difference between a guy that is just being nice and one that is totally into you. Sure, we women have a tendency to over-analyze everything (did you see “He’s Just Not That Into You”?!), but that usually happens after we’re dating the guy. So how do you know for sure he’s trying to get with you? Here are 10 signs he’s obviously into you.

I like to think of myself as a logical, control-my-own destiny kind of girl. I think most of my friends see themselves as equally levelheaded. But recently a friend was describing the physical sensations she gets when she meets someone that she really likes—butterflies, sweaty palms, quick heartbeat. No matter how hard she tries to think her way out of this silliness, she can’t. Since we’ve all been there, I figured there had to be more to it, something powerful enough to give even the most strong-willed a run for her sanity. Hoping for some insight into why these feelings take over, I went looking for the science behind lust and love. Why, physiologically speaking, do these things happen, and what are they trying to tell us?

I have a crush on a guy who rides the subway with me. I’ve only seen him a few times, but I just have a feeling we’d hit it off if we ever spoke to one another. According to a study by Rutgers University Professor Helen Fisher, I might know more about this guy than I think I do. She and her team took MRIs of people’s brains while looked at their significant other, and the results showed increased activity in regions including the ventral tegmental area of the brain, which is associated with heightened focus, motivation, energy, and pleasure. “This has evolved from nature —mammals in mating season become attracted when they see another that matches their concept of a perfect mate,” Fisher said. “There’s every reason to think that humans do exactly the same thing.” Sigh. I knew orange-jacket guy and I belong together. [Guardian U.K.]

Most women have heard that body odors play a role in sexual attraction. I mean, why else would we spend money on pheromone-laced oils? Oh, maybe that was just me. Anyway, did you realize that being in love affects our perception and processing of body odors? According to a study performed in Montreal, women who are deeply in love can recognize their partner’s scent, but are unable to recognize the scent of male friends who might be rivals for their affection.

If you’re a woman who drinks even moderately, you may have a harder time judging a guy’s level of hotness than women who never drink. A new study suggests that women who have even as few as five drinks a month “were less able to detect male facial symmetry, a marker of attractiveness and good genes.” Even when sober, researcher Dr. Kirsten Oinonen said, “these women are worse at judging facial symmetry, and therefore may find less attractive men more attractive.” The researchers say the results also suggest alcohol has a long term effect on the brain, reducing its visual perception abilities, but they aren’t sure how long the effects last or whether they are permanent.

I’m not sure how much of a drinker Jennifer Lopez is, but this could explain some things. Can you think of any other beautiful women who just might have beer goggles to blame for their unattractive mates? [Telegraph.co.uk]

I am not afraid to say, that it was Paula Abdul’s “Opposites Attract” that taught me my first lesson in love; if he takes the bed, and she steals the covers, they must be a match made in relationship heaven. According to Paula, a relationship could, and would, flourish if lovers found themselves on opposing sides of the Myers Briggs Indicator.

Living in an industry town, more often than not, I have found myself in the throes of passion with a like-minded comedy-writer Democrat who favors savory snacks over sweet desserts. And most of those relationships have ended in embittered feuds over (I’ll admit) “who is funnier.”

As my mother likes to say, two spoiled brats cannot inhabit the same relationship.

So as I set off on my quest to find my mate of soul, he who encompasses all things different from me, I must first understand how different is too different? What are the differences that will allow a relationship to blossom in the sunshine of love? And what are the ones that will make it rain—creating a thunderstorm of the he-said-she-said-i-hate-you variety?

Why do we women do who we do?  It’s the riddle men have been trying to solve since the beginning of time. But apparently, anthropologist Gil Greengross cracked the code to our crotches: self-deprecating humor. After two years of studying how humor affects sex, Mr. Greengross found that if a man knocks himself down, the ladies won’t shoot him down.  A little bit of sweet talkin’ for sympathy is the best strategy because it shows your strong suits to be intelligence, creativity, and humility. And that’s the winning combo! Although, dudes be warned, you don’t want to head into pity lay territory.  There’s a fine line between being the charmingly modest (well at least in movies) Hugh Grant, and the too-sad-to-screw Larry David. [Daily Mail]

Jude Law circa Gattaca was so hot I would have given my left breast if he’d just feel up my right one. Dapper, charismatic, and as sexy as his movies are long, Law of course broke the rules of romance and my heart. When he cheated on his fiance with the nanny, I felt cheated too, betrayed. How could my dreamboat be such a bastard?!  Jude’s real life bad behavior made him look just that.  Suddenly my superstar crush was super undesirable as he morphed in to a fugly philanderer.  And you know his cheating crime snowballed with his ex-fiance Sienna Miller, who dumped her fiance Rhys Ifans and housebroke with Balthazar Getty.  It’s a trail of tears! And now my movie star idolatry is Law-less.  After my fine guy fantasy turned ugly, I just can’t seem to find him attractive anymore, even in his new ad campaign (above). So tell me, ladies, does a celebrity’s bad behavior make you find them less attractive?

Verena Von Pfetten writes on The Huffington Post that she’s not attracted to hot guys. She finds them attractive, but judges the book by its cover. “They’re trained from a young age to be (often) unjustifiably self-assured, to eschew personality and affability for cocksure confidence, and to generally treat people like the feudal system is alive and kickin’,” she says.