Tag Archives: astrosexologist

For The Week Of June 23-29, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Trust your friends when they tell you the truth about your love life. Seems they’ll be no holding back those strong opinions, so keep an open mind. Chances are someone will say just the right magical words that’ll have you seeing your current state of affairs in whole new light — and bringing on drastic changes that’ll have your whole world rejoicing.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Those pesky daddy issues are going to come back to haunt you, but as long as you recognize it, you’ll be A-Ok. You know it; life can be a real bitch when you’re strolling along feeling together and fine, then someone you meet brings out the darkest sides to you that trip you up and make you have to work on yourself. Thankfully, the efforts will up your stock.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Don’t forget you have standards. No matter how horny you get or how bored you feel, waiting it out for what you want is worth its while. Think of this as the universe testing you and seeing how far you’ve come from your recent trials and tribulations — seeing how much you’ve truly learned. If you’ve smartened up, you’ll know nothing, but perfection, could satisfy you.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

When it comes to matters of love or lust, it won’t be easy. Messages will be lost in translation and moody points of view will have you caught in ridiculous power struggles that’ll make you wonder, “What am I doing here?” Yes, this might the time to pack up your bags for a solo getaway or at least away from the oxytocin fountain that’s blinding you.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Your baby better kiss your ass all week because it’ll be your luck that rubs off on him, giving you both a boost of happiness not seen in weeks. Yes, expect a deluge of unexpected gifts, opportunities and/or general fun to come your way for you and a plus one. It’ll be through these debaucheries that you’ll have a revelation: seeing how fab of team you truly make.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

A burst of creative energy, happiness and love hits suddenly, putting you in prime form to attract all sorts of characters. Go ahead, sample them all, as each will offer something special to enjoy. However, this festive vibe also increases fertility — so, unless you want to be called,
“Mom,” stock up on the rubbers.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Your libido gets worked, as this week will have you feeling like a kid in the candy shop with everyone sweet talking you and making you feel gushy emotions easily. However, you’ve been around the block before and you know you’re a sucker for love. So, although you’ll have some interesting interactions, be sure to read the fine print.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Who you’re doing is your business and no matter if others think he’s a jerk or not shouldn’t kill your buzz if you’re having fun. For whomever this person or persons trying to rain on your parade, understand their motives do come from a good place, but also from a bitter place too. So, when they go on their tirades, have compassion — they’re just super horny and totally jealous.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You’ll have no time for yourself until the end of the week. In the meantime, expect everyone to come whining to you about his or her problems, thinking only you will have a magical solution to lift them from their funk. No, it won’t be sexy and will kill your need to be social. Thankfully you’ll have your toys to keep you company and thank god they never talk back.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Finally, you’ll get to say, “I told you so,” to those losers who didn’t trust you knew what you were talking about. Well, payback is here and the vindication will feel better than ten orgasms on a slow day. Those who thought you were only talking out of your ass will now be duly impressed and working to get into it instead. Too bad for them, suck-ups turn you off.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

If you don’t act selfishly this week, you’re doing a great disservice to yourself. With the sun entering Cancer, this is your time to make outrageous demands and have the extra energy to enforce them. The only drawback is your idealism won’t be so stellar. Luckily, this throe of power will help you fight that feeling, making you feel like the loud mouth top you should be.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Patience and fine-tuning are necessary to save your ego from crumbling apart. Seems you’ll be operating on a way more sensitive level than usual, making you take every comment uttered and action committed personally. While some of this will be your psychic power tuning in, most of it will be your paranoia. Be smart; know how to distinguish between the two.

For The Week Of June 16-22, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

A power struggle between you and your honey is coming, most likely in regard to your families and/or home situation. Whichever the situation, someone needs to be the bigger person and ante up for the first round of negotiations. Obviously, if he were any kind of gentleman, it should be him, says you, tradition and yes, even the universe.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

There is a lot of satisfaction found in gloating, so when the answers to questions you have been wondering come in and all prove you are indeed the brightest bulb on the block, go ahead and obscenely love your victory. Besides the fact that you earned every second of the spotlight, the added confidence will put you in line for some hot rewards.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

No one ever can predict what you’re thinking behind your spying eyes or where you’re heading off to next. Yes, mystery is your M.O. and that’s what you thrive on, have built your image on and gets you laid the most. Well, times up on this ole trick, at least for now, as switching up your act for a more in your face routine is what’ll keep the onlookers mesmerized.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

This will be one of those weeks that’ll be incredibly amazing with your boo or it’ll suck hard. If things have been going one way, expect the trajectory to stay the same, but move a lot faster. Whichever, you will hit a plateau this week that has you planning ahead for the future in a major way.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Don’t bother resisting who ever it is that you’ve been hanging out with, because his reason to charm is genuine. Besides, why so be hard on yourself? This person only means to bring good into your life and if you want to mess that up, it’ll be up to you. Of course, with the promise of legendary sex and sweet affection, only an absolute tool would refuse.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

There are times in your life you just won’t be able to control what flies out of your mouth, much like this week. The good news is that the universe is on your side and even though you might initially feel some embarrassment over your confession, things will work out in your favor and what you reveal will be just what needs to be said to get you what you desire.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Dealing with power hungry ho’s will tire you out and make you want to kill — and inadvertently, when this side of you comes out, it’ll be the biggest turn on for the one closest to you. You know it; this is your time to show you aren’t going to take crap from anyone. Unfortunately, you might not see results desired, but at the least, you will feel a hell of a lot better from the release.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Free your nastiest fantasies to your honey. The dirtier you get, the more liberating you’ll feel. After all, this is your time to show him who you really are — a depraved sex maniac that’ll go to any lengths to seek out a new thrill and taste a new flavor. Of course, after revealing your mysteries, realize it’s his turn then to show you if he truly is man enough for you.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Some serious conversations are going to go down with you and another, but it won’t be someone too close to you, but more like an acquaintance. Whether this person is someone you want in your pants or not will be more apparent as the days go on and you learn what he is all about. However, realize it’s about the emotion behind the words rather than just what he is saying.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your light-hearted and jovial attitude is your selling point. However, when you find yourself falling, you seem to switch into acting detached rather than wildly in love. This will cause a problem. This week, there’s a full moon in your partnership house, which means time to cut out this bad habit. Even if it’s not your size, do try to wear your heart on your sleeve.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Everybody loves instant gratification, but now is when you’ll be obsessed with it. Expect someone or something to catch your eye so hard that it’ll make you insane with drive and hope to possess it. Push all you want, but realize that you’re playing with forces beyond your control — which means, put it out there, but draw the line at being creepy.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

A maturity test comes your way when an ex pops back into the scene and old feelings return. However, your current situation will have you keeping it in your pants, but your curiosity will have you crawling up the walls. Sure, love the drama he brings, but settle for the friendship — at least for now.

For The Week Of June 9-15, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Go ahead and zone out. This won’t be one of those times that it’ll be too exciting or delicious to have to pay attention. Best to go into your own head and sort out the details of how you would like life to unfold, as better times are coming and it’s best you have a plan of action ready to go. Until then, make nice with your toys.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your charm and elegance will be in top form to woo a crush from far away. However, like a ballet, for now you need to keep the illusion going by keeping him at an arm’s length. Once you build up the mystery, things will fall into order. However, proper choreography is necessary to slip all pieces in the right place.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

All your wishing and hoping comes to a halt. Finally, you’ll see some major action and green lights brightening up your life, propelling you far ahead of the competition. With so much momentum, this is your perfect time to drop the baggage weighing you down. Yes, some may see this move as ruthless and cold, but whatever, those losers will never be as success as you.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Trying to get in some quality time with your honey will be next to impossible. Seems no matter how you try, your schedules will repel each other. Thankfully, being the gal that you are, distance will make your heart grow fonder and your body hornier than a goat on E. By week’s end though, no matter what stands in your way, the forces of nature won’t be able to keep you apart.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Experience tells you all you need to know. Realize you have learned your lessons well enough to be an expert, so understand any repeat of the past will only make you out to be the dummy. As they say, “Fool you once, same on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” C’mon now darling, you’re way stronger and smarter than needing to be burned again.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Old loves die hard and that’s why it’s impossible to ever think you can go right into being friends with someone you’ve shared an intimacy with. Sure, you’re the sign of friendship and you have a special talent to remain aloof despite the most emotional tensions — but why torture yourself? Disappearing, even just momentarily, isn’t being weak, it’s being smart.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

When it comes to talking crap about your boyfriend, only you have that right. After all, you sleep with him and listen to his whining all day, right? Right. So, when certain members of your family start bombarding you with their opinions, know your rights. Of course, if you’re too tired to defend him because of the time you spend babying him, keep your ears open.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your creative juices will be making you feel extra frisky and wild. Channel some of those kinky ideas into flirting with your baby and reviving the passion back to the days when love was so fresh and new that all other responsibilities, other than being with each other, felt inappropriate. If single, hit up prospects online. This brilliance will translate beautifully into literary genius.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

When it comes to trying to express your feelings and get them understood, it’ll feel as if you’re taking two steps forward then three steps back. The frustration will leave you so distraught, you’ll think of giving up — don’t. Patience is key to getting what you want, as the answers you want to hear are heavier that you can imagine and will take time to come out right.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Stop all that neurotic judging of yourself and really look at where you are. Your life is fine and you should be proud of the fantastic job you’ve done, getting yourself where you are — you’re a total prize. With that in mind, don’t say anymore to procure that someone into your clutches. If he has any clue or worth, he’ll know it’s his turn to sh*t or get off the pot.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Chances are you’re feeling trapped and only see a few viable options. However, this is all in your head. Seems you’re currently your own worst enemy, but only you can snap yourself out of this. Of course, hitting bottom is usually the only way for you to bounce back to the top — but make a note; you have only until the 19th to wallow. After that, you’ll have no more excuses

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Love is your drug. You’ll be OD-ing on the stuff so hard; you may have trouble keeping life balanced. As for friends, it won’t be so easy to chalk it off as jealousy. While some will be a bit green with envy, most of them won’t and will see what’s happening for what it is. Sure, you’re entitled, but c’mon, how old are we already? Return their calls and don’t flake on them.

For The Week Of May 26-June 1, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Brace yourself, this is going to be a week of hell where the one you’re working on won’t respond quite the way you would think, confirming that this person is in fact an idiot. Whatever, their standards suck. Sure, you barked up the wrong tree, but thankfully you’re smart enough to know this recent lack of judgment is an exception to your usual rule.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Hopefully you’re reading this on a tropical paradise, lounging about with hot studs fanning you with giant leaves and a cocktail by your side. If so, bonsai! It’s exactly where you should be. If you are reading this elsewhere, change your trajectory. Hedonistic pursuits are your only worthwhile challenge now.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Stop wasting your time creating worst-case scenarios. Not only are you cosmically drawing that negative energy to you, you are neglecting to realize that time has its own agenda and that only in time can you see how your story unfurls. What you know today might not hold true tomorrow. This week, expect a sexy red herring to prove this point.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

If you’ve been seeing someone, a new comfort level is about to be achieved near the 25th and can have you dreaming about the next step. However, take heed that your brain gets jumbled on the 27th, making your libido more ambitious than your heart. In other words, enjoy the sex, but avoid making any deep commitments.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

The only things you’ll be wrestling with this week are your demons. Unfortunately, confusion will put you in panic mode and not be sending off your best vibes into the universe. Forget trying to reason with it. Give in and go all the way — take down those bitches! Besides, the only way to lure the prospects back is with the scent of your sweat from a victorious battle.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Your question of the week is, “How bad do you want it?” This could mean sex, love or just a distracting flirtation. Whichever, know that it’s possible, but it just won’t come easy — like crawling through a minefield of mental traps. The worst part is, the end result might not even be worth the efforts. So, be smart, really know how much you want it.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Be careful using guilt as a weapon. Passive aggressive tactics to get your honey to do as you wish is only going to backfire on you. If you want him to take action, you are going to have to lead by example and hope he catches on. If he does, then know he is on the same page. If not, then realize you might have to consider how smart he really is.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Watch what you say, because being misconstrued and having the wrong information come back to bite you is highly probable. To play it safe, don’t spill any of your secrets or confess any of your feelings. Ideally, this is a good time to beginning a flirtation, but do it with actions, like a wink to the hottie you see in your morning commute, but keep all else to yourself.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Money matters to you and there should be no love for anyone, unless they can pay to keep up with you. Not to say you should turn into a gold digging whore, but draw the line on those broke-a$$ boys that need you as their sugar momma. Accept a guy with potential may be sexy, but a guy living out his potential is sexier.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your brain will feel like scrambled eggs all week in regard to boys. Lucky you though, your best play isn’t to bear all the responsibilities, but take in the worship and observe the situation. Although it’ll be hard not to throw your two cents in every two minutes, your silence will give you a vital position to scope out the long term potential.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Stop blaming the world for your problems, because the more you bitch the more negative energy will come your way. Instead, to jump start the feeling of joie de vivre, spread open your wallet and treat yourself. So what if life is less than stellar? And who cares that your love life is rocky as hell? You have the power to buy some happiness, hook yourself up.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Sure, you’re the queen of the zodiac, the ruler of romance and the original It Girl. However, despite that startling resume, you aren’t perfect and can’t contain all the answer to the universe’s mystery. So, when a lusty conflict happens between you and a close friend (for example, fighting over a guy) realize this can happen to even the best of them.

For The Week Of May 12-18, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Test new waters out. Leave your comfort zone behind. Whatever sexy stranger arrives or new challenges come your way, hop on it fast. Switching your routines and doing a 180 is in your stars. The less you hold onto the past, the more you’ll find you’re no longer who you thought you were, but someone way bolder, sexier and powerful.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You’re the original “turn the other cheek” girl. You hate confrontation so much; you often get the raw end of the deal. Thankfully, karma has had your back all along and rewards for your compassion arrive. Magically, a major issue with your sweetie that you’ve been passively aggressively nagging about disappears. Seems their listening skills do work.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Competition turns you on. To heat up the boudoir, start cock battling with your baby over career and money. Although you generally do work as a team, that unspoken fight for ultimate power has always been an underlying aphrodisiac in your relationship. This week, it goes to a new level, with one pulling ahead faster than the other — most likely you.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

All the paranoia you feel about your new plaything fades. Sit back and let them do all the talking. Drop subtle hints — they’ll pick them up. In their verbiage spillage, they’ll confess everything — how they feel, what they want and what they are capable of. Of course, this won’t be direct, so listen between the lines and trust it’s all in your favor.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

On one had, lust will make you feel as if you’re hopped up on uppers 24-7. However, when it comes to articulating those feeling to the other or anyone, you somehow fall short. So, to avoid any complications, show your affection through actions rather than language. You’ll get a lot farther climbing on top to express what exactly it is that you feel.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

If you live with your honey, expect the a-hole levels to soar to new heights. Your love will get bossier than normal and hard-pressed to compromise equally. Thankfully, your social calendar is going to fill fast. So, if they want to hang around and be a s***, there’s no better time — as the house will be completely empty for them to hear themselves whine.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

If you have to tell a few little lies to get you what you have to, who cares? In the scheme of things, it’s all-good. After all, it’s not like it’ll harm anyone and if curbing the truth to make everyone a little more comfortable, then so be it. Of course, if the most comfortable one is you in a bed with that special someone, even better. After all, all is fair in love and war.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Lavish you and your lover with all the decadence reachable in your realm. Let go of boundaries and gorge on the finer things in life. Having spent too much time trying to “do the right thing” and disciplining yourselves to be who you aren’t is no longer a fun experiment. Turn back to the gluttons you are and realize it’s a bond that’ll keep your love alive.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Money is the number one issue couples toil over. Plus, you’re the sign of security, magnifying the dilemma. Although you’ve been trying to play it cool with your honey’s frivolous spending habits, quit it. Besides the anxiety dampening your libido and building the resentment, it’s also unnecessary. Speak out, offer suggestions and pull those purse strings. They’ll get it.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your brain will feel too scrambled to think straight. You’ll see too many options and like them all. Feel free to it talk out. You’ll find the one that boggles your mind the most and has your mind looping about endlessly will be the one you will want to go with. After all, it’s curiosity that drives you — and once you make up your mind, the rest will unfold beautifully.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Don’t wait around for understanding and appreciation. Being genuine with random acts of kindness means doing it and letting it go. Expecting anything in return is only asking for a let down. Besides, your partner can’t be on your wavelength all the time and understand the sacrifices you make. If you want to please anyone right now, make it yourself.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

You’re not an idiot. You know life can’t always be the way you want it to be, not all the wishes you desire come true and the ones that do don’t always feel as salacious as you dreamt. However, you’re a pro at playing the game and projecting that idyllic image. So, for now, fake it until you make it. Think of this as the ultimate testing of your belief in the laws of attraction.

  • Zergnet: Simply Irresistible

  • HowAboutWe

  • Popular