Tag Archives: astrology

For The Week Of January 18-24, 2010

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Quirky turn-ons are going to be the theme of your week. Bizarre love twists and turns will take place and could have you waking up in some strange places. Go with the flow and consider it an adventure. Plus, know that the more you drift off your beaten path, the more extreme the twists will get, but rest assured that this will also bring bigger surprises.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You’ll be so hot and emitting that heat so intensely that you’ll inadvertently be a fluffer to many. What ever should you do with this power? Tease like crazy and entertain yourself like mad. Seems the choices will be many. To get to the best of the best, make them walk through your mental minefield. After all, a girl like you needs more than a pretty face to be satisfied.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Your life is about to get way more intense. All that dreaming you’ve gotten lost in won’t be as conceptual as it once was. Reality is going to start shifting in a majorly magical way and fairytale happenings will start to occur. While it might not be recognizable at first, do realize the strange feelings you are sensing are going to amount to something new and big.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Be on the lookout for a hot, new neighbor or roomies bringing over a friend who’ll make you sweat in personal places. Yes, there’s a high chance of a hot hookup to be delivered right to your door — but beware of eating where you sh*t. To make it work, be clever in your seduction and make them come on to you. After all, you want a good time, not a responsibility.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

You’re not the kind of lady who likes to make everything obvious, but right now a major turn-around is happening. If you want to get in it to win it, it’ll mean enforcing your confidence and speaking what you wish. Seems your words will have more power than you suspect. If you let it all hang out, there’ll be ears hanging on every sound you utter.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Your tastes will be superb, as you will find your abilities to be discriminating working charmingly and most effectively. The only hold-up: battling with those inner demons that make you think there won’t be anything beyond surface that can satisfy. Trusting the prizes you find this week will require you to dig deeper to find the real gold.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

The world is now yours, so enjoy the spotlight when you can and take the risks that will get you to the place you want your life to be. Jupiter, the planet of luck, enters Pisces and will make you the Queen Bee for most of this year. So forget about holding back or thinking twice. Trusting your gut and acting on instincts will pay off big time.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You can’t control the world right now and you’d be a fool to try. The best you can do now is let everyone serve you and let the surprises happen at their own pace. Seems the loyalties you have established will start to take shape now, showing you who really has your back and who wants to get on top of it too, so don’t blur the view with your baggage.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Listen to your friends. If they say jump, ask how high, because they really will be the ones who will guide you to your promise land. Not to say all will be linear, but following their lead will bring massive opportunities to you, bringing you to new places and faces which will up your status as well as your attitude.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Beware: your ego will be acting up in all sorts of ways that will make you feel way more invincible than you are. So, be prudent with how cocky you let yourself get, because not all will be as easy as it appears. Sure, the brass ring is in sight, but it’s not as close as you think. Let your idealism inspire, not mislead you.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

An emotional meltdown of sorts will have you succumbing to your desires despite yourself and all logic. However, there is no holding you back when you reach this point of lust, so feed into what you crave and indulge yourself. Seems what you’ll discover is that once you get it, you won’t want it anymore.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Despite what people say about your take on love, they don’t know squat. What you and your baby have is real and more intimate and intense than most can imagine. This week, things go farther off the charts, putting you in full-on glow mode and it’ll make the haters even more aggravated. Luckily, you’re a sadist at heart, so this week will appease you more than you’ll even know.

Ask The Astrosexologist: My Leo Boss-Turned-Boyfriend Always Has To Have The Upper Hand

I’m a Sagittarius (12/13/89), and I have been seeing a Leo (7/23/76) for the past month. Before anything romantic happened between us, we worked together for about a year. He’s a lawyer and I was his secretary — and that situation, plus the age difference, has always made him feel as though he has the upper hand in the relationship. Since we have started seeing each other romantically, he has started to be a bit of an a-hole. He likes to play up the whole jerk thing, can be selfish, and he constantly needs his ego stroked. Prior to hooking up, the two of us would always joke around with each other. We liked to tease each other and laugh a lot, and we still do that now, but it’s really hard to get him to be serious! Any advice on how to handle this would be greatly appreciated! — Fed Up

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For The Week Of January 11-17, 2010

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Only you will be to blame if you let low self-esteem plague you into thinking your latest honey is out of your league. Sure, putting another on a pedestal is sweet at first, but after a quick while it gets old and can turn sweet love sour. To avoid this disaster, let him do all the talking first and don’t feel you have to be responsible for anything else, other than feeling good.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You can only be polite for so long — you are only human. Besides, who is it serving to sweep irritations under the rug? Instead, time for a major breakdown and changing the trajectory of your life and love, as fresh starts are needed STAT. However, don’t get sloppy and think getting mean will help, as clean breaks are worth their weight in gold now.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Your mouth will be moving faster than your brain and there’ll be a few times you’ll find yourself saying things that even you can’t believe. That’s not to say these revelations aren’t true, but you thought they were your secrets to keep. However, despite the embarrassment you might initially feel, by the end of this week, you’ll be giving yourself a big pat on your back for brave work well done.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

There’ll be nothing that can touch you this week. Your self-esteem will be shooting off the charts and giving you a cocky confidence that’ll make you able to approach any cute stranger who has been tickling your fancy. You’ll give him something to go crazy on and, thus, he’ll be irresistible to you. No, this won’t be the week to set out to be “just friends.”

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Get ready for anything to happen and go with it, because what may seem like a small opportunity that arrives now can erupt into a whole new level of life, love, success and fulfillment of your deepest wishes. So, don’t sabotage yourself and only see the dark side to offers that come your way, because if you do, you’ll be shortchanging yourself.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Finally, your mental space is back and you’ll be able to call your own shots without the red tape. While the deluge of freedom may overwhelm you and make you want to run around bottomless, do be prudent with where you indulge yourself, as the only clincher to your life right now is that your world has gotten smaller and actions you perform now will come back to haunt you.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Just as life is cruising along and your flirty friendship seems to be following the same path, a sudden 180 may occur, making you wonder whom exactly you are about to bag. Seems this week, mysteries will arise and some detective work will begin. While it’ll take some effort to control your obsessive nature, realize what you uncover may make you veer onto the platonic route.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

This week your relationship and career will be fighting for the top priority slot in your life as an incredible opportunity is due to arrive. Unfortunately, it’ll also come just in time to circumvent a more serious turn in your love life — it may take you far away or make you preoccupied for an undetermined time. Either or, needy hanger-oners won’t be tolerated, so let’s hope he behaves.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Not every moment of your love life can be perfect, and woe is the first time you realize that your latest relationship isn’t as idyllic as you thought. Lucky for you, you can still see beyond this rocky moment if you keep your sense of humor intact. Seems all you need is to show a little of your optimism and that leap of faith will take both of you far and on to the next step.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Chemistry is a beautiful thing. When it’s so strong it almost makes you forget you have to do anything but lie back and look pretty — but don’t get lazy or react like you have no upbringing. You’ve been down this route enough times to know how it ends if you ignite the spark too soon, so be more discriminating. If he’s worth it, the taste will be gourmet with some anticipation.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Your family can’t agree with everything you do, but has that stopped you before? This week, don’t let their voices in your head stop you from going after what makes you tingle in places that matter. This is your time to cross new boundaries and break out of theirs. What suits you best can only be found far from their comfort zone and they are just going to have to deal.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Best to stick to old worn routines now, as your brain is going a bit haywire and communications with the outer world won’t be at its optimum. To ensure cruising at an OK speed, with minimal scarring, best to stay in your comfort zone and indulge yourself in all that is familiar — and if anyone asks any more of you, know they obviously don’t know what is best for you.

In Bed With … Johnny Depp

VITAL STATS:
Born:
June 9, 1963 at 8:44 a.m. in Owensboro, Kentucky
Sun Sign: Gemini
Ascendant: Leo
Moon: Capricorn
Mercury: Taurus
Venus: Taurus
Mars: Virgo

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For The Week Of January 4-10, 2010

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

There’ll be a feeling of destiny taking over your life, which will mean magical coincidences will be unraveling right before your eyes and effortless changes will make your life totally creamy and dreamy. Yes, big shifts are under way, and as it goes, your life today won’t be quite the same tomorrow. So, savor these moments now, because a major adventure is about to begin.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Decision time is coming, as the honeymoon phase ends and reality sets in, making you really see what chips you have on the table and what you are willing to gamble. While you’ve made up your mind by gut before, this time around prudence is welcome. Even if you do make your conclusions abruptly, at the least you should respect your situation enough to be thorough.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

There is nothing wrong with slowing down your pace, taking in the moment and being a bit old-fashioned. The fact is, sharing ideas and building mental bonds is what turns you on the most right now, but you will only get to the meat of this intellectual bonanza if you stop thinking you have to keep running a five-ring circus.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

This week, you’ll be more fired up to flaunt yourself. You’ll really feel as if you’ve got it and others want to see it. Yes, your confidence will be riding high and it’ll make you one hot commodity, so don’t be silly and waste those talents on just anyone. Know that some discrimination now will go a long way, in your heart and, more importantly, in your body.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

It’s the New Year and your birthday month, so chances are you’re still coming down from the festive frenzy — but it’s not like you need excuses anyway. This is the time of year that if it isn’t crazy, then something is wrong. If you have to get bitchy and bossy, feel free. After all, someone needs to take a leadership role, might as well be the smartest one of the bunch — you.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

As you step further in this New Year, you are going to have to be clearer and more forceful in your actions and expressing what you think is special enough to bring along and what is just wrong to haul along any further. As the repressions of the holidays have painted a thorough picture for you, time to open those eyes wide and really see what is true love or true lies.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Work on curbing your horniness for just a few and take a time-out to reconnect with your baby in a PG kind of way. This means having fun with your clothes on and enjoying the companionship side of your bond. If possible, to keep it chill, plan more activities with friends, because as it goes, building your social world together now will be the best foreplay you can ask for.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You won’t be able to fight your fame this week, so give it up. Go with the flow and take each day as it comes, as the demands for your time won’t give you space to plan anything for you. The good news is that all this fanfare will make you feel hot and sexy; the bad news is it won’t give you time to indulge in the groupies immediately — but that doesn’t mean you can’t take numbers.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You’re going to have to keep a sense of humor this week, if you want to get any. Seems that someone will be acting on a much flakier level than usual and his excuses will seem too fantastical to be real, but forget taking anything too personally this week, or it’ll be just too lonely to bear. Realize this isn’t desperation either, but just the way it has to be right now.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Don’t let your imagination get away with itself, because this isn’t the week where anything obvious is going to happen and it’ll leave much room for interpretation — but don’t lose your mind over it either, because the truth may just be that boring. If anything, this is your time to whip out the compassion, as there will be much dullness in the air.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

No matter how far your confidence nosedives at times or what kooky story you try to convince yourself of, realize your life and your relationship are A-OK. In fact, love won’t be getting better than it will this week, as you realize you’ve been going along at cruise control and feeling normal all the while. Love it, because the bottom won’t be falling out.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

You can talk and talk, but it’s like he just can’t get you. To say the least, frustration is coming and it’ll seem as if the red tape is going to dampen your love buzz, as his conservative values clash with yours. Whatever. Go ahead, throw your tantrums. At the least, that’ll be one way you can entertain yourself amid the surrounding deadbeat energy.

Ask The Astrosexologist: Help, I’m Living With A Filthy Taurus!

I (Mar. 29) was very infatuated with a man (May 7) for three years and one thing I was really attracted to (other than the sex) was his cleanliness. He was very particular about his clothes, smelled good, showered a lot, fine taste, etc. Now, we live together and I find dirty underwear everywhere to the point where I wonder if he knows how to clean his ass. Plus, he never washes his hands when he leaves the bathroom. It’s so disgusting that it turns me off from being sexual with him now. How do I mention this without being a nag or hurt his feelings? – Ms. Clean

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Mercury Retrograde Survival Guide

Has your life gone haywire in the last week? Communications amiss? People from the past randomly showing up? Feel like you might be losing your mind, as no one you know seems to make any sense to you any more? Fret not, it’s not you: It’s the universe! Yes, blame the cosmos, as Mercury, the planet of communication, halts and appears to go backwards, causing all sorts of chaos on mankind.

Frightfully, this bizarre phenomenon happens three times a year and, fortunately, this will be the last time in ’09. It officially began at 2:39 pm UT (Universal Time) on Saturday, Dec. 26 and lasts until Jan. 15, though the effects can be felt up until Feb. 4. What does this mean? In general, it means a period of pandemonium for all things regarding communication. That’s right, forget trying to make any major decisions — and definitely don’t sign any contracts (unless the deal comes from someone in the past or it is renewing), back up your software, expect problems with travel and don’t rely on any of the information you get at this time. Keep reading »

For The Week Of December 28, 2009-January 3, 2010

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

In your heart and mind there is love. Remember this as circumstances won’t go as planned, and the new twists and turns give your love story even more character than imagined. This will be a true test of your bond with your boo and how you two work together as a team, as you’ll have to take a detour route … Oh, how more sickeningly sweet you two will become.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Ego battles will take front-and-center and could lead you to a standstill with your baby. You’ll both be acting out passive-aggressively and using others as your pawns to get what you want. However, chances are this plan will backfire — others won’t share the priorities you set as intensely. If ever there were a time for a bit more of a sense of humor, it’s this week.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

A big dose of reality is coming for you, making your new year start with a major bang. Seems big news is coming and this could unfurl a whole other path you didn’t expect to take. However, don’t let your imagination run away with you, because chances are you won’t be able to guess this surprise until it happens and when it does, fireworks!

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

A weird case of paranoia will strike, making you doubt choices you want to make — but screw it and throw caution to the wind! Playing it safe has never been your style. Sure, you can be smart, but don’t be a prude. Do what feels good, but just be aware of where to draw limits, and throw in just a touch of prudence to your plans.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

You better know what you want going into this week, because you are set to start a crazy emotional roller coaster ride that will pit circumstance against sentiment, and life as you know it will get super dramatic. The only thing you should know is to trust your gut. Where you will be this week won’t be too foreign, as you’ve always known on some level this existed.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

The stroke of midnight will signify a lot more endings to you than just the prior year. For you, it’ll mark a significant step into a future that relinquishes you from past traumas for good. This is your cycle to set to your liking and the earlier you can begin it, the better. Your independence is your strongest asset now and one you should not think of as lightly anymore.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Having different levels of respect for romantic relationships and friendships is wrong. Respect is respect and if you are not getting it properly, no matter what kind of bond you have, it’s unacceptable. Ask yourself if your honey is acting the way you’d expect your BFF to act. Chances are the answer is no; for that reason, it’s time to recalibrate your brain to redefine better boundaries.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

As an Aries, you have a fab way of just switching gears and taking care of yourself in dire situations, as your survivor instincts are sharper than most. This week, with so many shifts and flakes to deal with, expect to hone your abilities even more, as you’ll have to be the brains behind many of the activities you take — many of which weren’t even your idea to begin with.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You’re going to have to remind yourself of the bigger picture, as the emotional turmoil and communication mishaps happening at the zero hour will have you wondering why you give so much credit to the wrong people. Dealing with hopes and fears isn’t the sweetest way to end your year, but at the least, you’ll know what you are up against going into 2010.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

If it’s any consolation, there will be lots of rough energies in the air, making it hard for anyone to make this week as grand as it usually tends to be. So, as you tiptoe through your days, keep this in mind: your energy will be dipping into dangerously low levels and your need to judge everyone will be on. Oh well, sometimes one just has to swallow a little bitterness to taste some sweet.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

This is going to be a major win or lose time in terms of your relationship. If things have been hunky-dory, then expect the next turn to be one that will light up your life in magical ways. If things have been sketchy, then expect something to give. Whichever extreme you’re on, expect a few more weeks to fully land back on your feet.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Time to play the mindful observer, as all you’ll need to know is just waiting to happen. If you get a good seat now to watch the show, you’ll find that the thoughts and feelings provoked from this experience will be eye-opening. There will be more than a few new sides to that special someone that’ll have you reexamining what you want from them — which can be good or bad.

Ask The Astrosexologist: How Do I End My Relationship With My Manipulative Ex-Husband?

“I (7/13/63) have been separated from my husband (11/30/69) since 2007. We have one child together. My husband does not want a divorce, but I do; yet I can’t seem to actually file the papers. I still care about him, but I can’t live with him, and I am not in love with him anymore. Every time I get up the nerve to end this marriage, he threatens to kill himself, or he acts so pathetic that I get suckered back into taking care of him. He has had ‘friendship’ relationships with his exes and lots of women on social networking sites for most of our relationship and still does. He also engages in reckless behavior. I can’t get past this and have always seen it as a dealbreaker, while he sees nothing wrong with it at all. Will I ever be able to finally put all this behind me and move on, or will I be hopelessly mired in this depressing, draining relationship? Please help!” – C

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In Bed With … Jake Gyllenhaal

VITAL STATS:
Born:
December 19, 1980 in Los Angeles, CA
Sun Sign: Sagittarius
Ascendant: Unknown
Moon: Gemini
Mercury: Sagittarius
Venus: Sagittarius
Mars: Capricorn

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