As police try to figure out what went down between Tila Tequila and Shawne Merriman on Sunday morning, one news station in San Diego claims to have information from an “inside source,” presumably one of the 14 people who were at Merriman’s house when the alleged assault took place. According to said source, it was the suggestion of a foursome that set off the whole chain of events. Shawne was flirting with several other girls at the party, and took two of them to his bedroom. When Tila walked in, Shawne asked her to join them. But instead of stripping down, she got pissed. She taunted that she was going to have sex with one of his friends, and then stormed towards the door—which is when Shawne supposedly tried to stop her. [10News.com]

So is this aspect of the story true? Who knows. I’m a little skeptical, since I watched both seasons of a “Shot at Love with Tila Tequila,” and saw Tila have make-out sessions with multiple people and give a lapdance to one of her beau’s grandmas. I can hardly see her being so offended by the idea of group sex.

Joe Francis is the guy we’d most like to vote off planet Earth. The Girls Gone Wild impresario (wait, I’m revoking this term since it includes the word “impress” and there ain’t nothing impressive about Francis) got in a scuffle last night at Guys and Dolls in Los Angeles, and allegedly assaulted a woman. And not just any woman—Jayde Nicole, Playboy‘s Playmate of the Year for 2008, who you know as Brody Jenner‘s girlfriend on “The Hills.” Here’s what supposedly went down, according to TMZ...

Just when that whole Carrie-fake-boob-I-dislike-gays chatter has died down, there’s new (disturbing) news out of pageant land: Two men are being charged with kicking the crap out of a gay beauty pageant judge. Beyond-just-pissed that he didn’t win the pageant, contestant Leroy Tinch, 28, of Evanston, Illinois, allegedly sought revenge with his buddy Anthony Johnson, 23, on the one judge of the panel that voted against him for the win. And it gets worse.

How exactly can Cheetos be used as a weapon? It’s not 100% clear from the police report, but evidently Chester’s delicious cheese doodles somehow figured into a domestic assault when a verbal fight turned really bad between a Tennessee couple. I think I would believe this story a little more if it were between two young siblings, but the fact that the couple are both in their 40s makes this somewhat bizarre. While the account sounds absurd, in the grand scheme of crazy, this is just another example to add to the list. After the jump, some of my favorite items turned into weapons during fights.

A NYC cop allegedly punched a woman, grabbed her breasts and told her he was going to “treat her like a woman.”

Chrissie Brodigan, 32, tells Gothamist she exited a NYC subway with her pet pug, who was throwing up, when a cop tried to issue her a ticket for not carrying the dog inside a container. She became upset when the cop allegedly said, “If you’re going to act like a woman, I’m going to treat you like a woman.” Brodigan says the officer punched her in the back, leaving her bruised, as well as grabbed her breasts and pinched them. (This photo, pulled from Gothamist, shows her alleged bruises.)

I never bother getting manicures because I’ll inevitably mess them up 20 minutes later on something totally innocuous, like a cupcake. (No really, true story.) But some women get super serious about their fake nails. Apparently, this includes nail technicians, as demonstrated this week when a Washington State manicurist allegedly attempted to rip off a 13-year-old girl’s pumpkin-colored fake nails when the girl was bummed on the design and tried to bail without paying. Of course, when the police showed up, the girl’s mom coughed up $10, even though the manicurist asked for $30. Now this manicurist might be facing misdemeanor assault charges.

All I have to say is, really, pumpkin-colored nails? Of course she didn’t like how they looked in the end. Also, are 13-year-old girls really getting fake nails? Aren’t teenage girls intimidating enough? If I learned anything from puberty, it’s that you don’t mess with mean girls…especially ones with sharp talons. [Dayton Daily News]

The Los Angeles District Attorney’s office has officially charged Chris Brown with felony assault and making criminal threats for allegedly assaulting Rihanna. According to the search warrant that was leaked today, Chris Brown allegedly tried to push Rihanna out of the car he was driving, slammed her head against the car window, and punched her. He also alledgedy said, “I’m going to beat the ——out of you when we get home.” When Rihanna was able to call and leave a message for her assistant (telling her to call the police), Brown supposedly said, “You just did the stupidest thing ever. I’m going to kill you.” [TMZ]

The rumors surrounding Chris Brown’s alleged assault on Rihanna are getting out of control. It’s like all of Hollywood is potentially involved in whatever blowout occurred before the supposed incident, as everyone from Jay-Z to Leona Lewis has been mentioned as somehow “involved.” After the jump, we break down all the rumors—yes, they’re just rumors—surrounding RiRi and Chris Brown’s weekend scandal.

Although the pair have never admitted they were dating, it’s pretty safe to assume they’ve been a couple for the past year. Check out what preceded this past weekend’s events.

About a year ago, rapper Riskay had a recommendation for all the ladies who think their man is cheating.  She suggested suspicious lovers should ask to “Smell Yo Dick.” While the song was an underground hit, a woman was just beaten for using that line on her cheating husband.  Just a straight shot south on the Florida Turnpike will get you from Riskay’s home in Bartow to the real scene of the “smell yo dick” crime in Port St. Lucie.  After the 37-year-old victim followed her man into the bathroom to get wind of the truth, he punched her in the face and kicked her to the ground.  The dude has been missing ever since, but his battered wife of three years refuses to press charges. Penis sniffing and prosecution dodging, ah, the things we do for love! [TCPalm]

According to The Chicago Sun Times, Christian Bale has been estranged from his mother and sister ever since he took his father’s side in their divorce in the early ‘90s. On the evening of the alleged assault, Bale agreed to meet with his mom and sis at their hotel, but realized quickly they were only trying to get money from him. Some words were exchanged and Bale’s mom supposedly insulted his wife, Sibi. Bale is said to have pushed his mom out the door, which resulted in her filing the assault charge, an accusation he denies. All this seems terribly fishy to me—a greedy mom who mouths off about his wife? If the most Bale did was enthusiastically escort his mom at the door, I don’t see what the problem is. But this does bring up an interesting question about loyalty in a relationship—should a guy always take his wife’s side and defend her, even among family members?

So yeah. Batman. The Caped Crusader. The Dark Knight. In jail in London after being accused of assaulting his mother and sister. Bale turned himself in after the London screening of The Dark Knight—a deal he worked out in advance because officials said, “it would have been wrong to have wrecked the premiere over a complaint which we don’t yet know is founded in truth.” Uh, okay. Anyway, this is depressing. We love Christian Bale. His deceased dad was married to Gloria Steinem for heaven’s sake, how could he actually assault two women?! Bale hasn’t responded to the assault charges yet, but we’ll keep you posted. [Sun U.K.]

Update: Is it wrong that my heart did a little happy dance upon reading that Bale may have been arrested for verbal assault not physical? I mean, that’s less depressing right? [TMZ]
Update Again: Sue me, I am obsessed. So it seems like this whole thing maybe was blown out of proportion. Bale’s sister and mom say they didn’t call the police to the scene of the “incident”. His sister called it a “family situation” that is extremely “sensitive”. FYI, I totally just learned him mom was a circus clown. Clowns are scary. The Joker looked like a clown. I wonder if there is a connection. Whatever, I am just so glad it looks like Batman isn’t a woman beater. [Us Weekly]

An 18-year-old boy in Texas thought he was being all stealth, sneaking into his girlfriend’s house for a surprise hook-up. Instead, he got two black eyes from her father, who thought he was a burglar, and was charged with burglary and assault. The funny part is that his girlfriend (who is 15, by the way) wasn’t even there—she was sleeping over at a friend’s house. Ha. [AHN]