There’s a saying that goes “hunger is the best spice.” This is true. Without starvation as my salsa, I would never have been able to ingest all of those microwaveable burritos I ate when I was a wee street waif. You know the burritos I’m talking about: They come frozen in packs of 30 and they’re essentially toilet-paper tubes filled with beef caulking. This isn’t a saying anyone says, except for me, but it’s also true: “chastity is the best aphrodisiac.” Which is one reason I am totally pro-dry humping, a highly underrated sexual activity. A good, sweaty grind on a couch is a delightful tease of the wang-pong to come. Knowing that the other person can buck, grab, and slither in jeans is valuable carnal intel, the kind of insider information that turns an average hard-on into Excalibur. Putting off the inevitable for a week, a night or even an hour makes the resulting boner jams hotter, slicker and more gooseflesh-inducing. Keep reading »
