Even the laziest cooks in the world might be moved to break out the pots n’ pans for Valentine’s Day and whip up a romantical amuse bouche or a decadent desert thingy courtesy of Pinterest. Not me! Too much work. Why bother when you can turn on your special someone without ever turning on the oven? That’s right, kids. Harness the power of aphrodisiacs and cook smarter, not harder. Behold my super simple, never-before-seen sexy V-Day recipes. Bon appetite, lazy lovers!
There’s a saying that goes “hunger is the best spice.” This is true. Without starvation as my salsa, I would never have been able to ingest all of those microwaveable burritos I ate when I was a wee street waif. You know the burritos I’m talking about: They come frozen in packs of 30 and they’re essentially toilet-paper tubes filled with beef caulking. This isn’t a saying anyone says, except for me, but it’s also true: “chastity is the best aphrodisiac.” Which is one reason I am totally pro-dry humping, a highly underrated sexual activity. A good, sweaty grind on a couch is a delightful tease of the wang-pong to come. Knowing that the other person can buck, grab, and slither in jeans is valuable carnal intel, the kind of insider information that turns an average hard-on into Excalibur. Putting off the inevitable for a week, a night or even an hour makes the resulting boner jams hotter, slicker and more gooseflesh-inducing. Keep reading »
Most have heard of edible aphrodisiacs like oysters, Spanish fly, and caviar, and a lot of people would enjoy eating these foods whether they are aphrodisiacs or not. But what about even more unusual aphrodisiacs — how far are you willing to go for a few hours of incredible sex? For some people, the possibilities are limitless, even if it means ingesting something bizarre, weird, or downright disgusting. Keep reading »
Food and sex are always a great combo. This cookbook has figured out a way to combine the both for a little bit of love, romance, and eroticism. It includes 145 recipes for some of our favorite foods that are considered aphrodisiacs. The Black Russian Cake and Honey Glazed Salmon are sure to add flavor and excitement to your night! Now, you may have no idea how to cook or know what a pancetta is (that’s Italian bacon, FYI), but a chance to get lucky is worth some burnt fish. [$19.77, Intercourses.com] Keep reading »
A 35-year-old man in New York died after ingesting a small piece of an aphrodisiac made from toad venom. The man went to the hospital complaining of chest and abdominal pains, but doctors were unable to treat him. The aphrodisiac, a hardened resin that contains chemicals known to disrupt heart rhythms, is supposed to be applied topically rather than ingested, but authorities say even that can be harmful. If you’re feeling the need to spice things up in bed, don’t buy anything sold under these names: Piedra, Love Stone, Jamaican Stone, Black Stone, or Chinese Rock. [Gothamist] Keep reading »
If your supply of ground rhino horn has diminished, you might want to go without for a while. Two 19th century horns were stolen from a South African museum, and they could be headed to Asian, where rhino horn is a popular aphrodisiac. This is sad for the museum, but it’s even worse for the person who ingests the stolen rhino horns. The taxidermy mounts were prepared by being soaked in arsenic and applied with DDT. Whoever thought ground rhino horn would improve their sex life has another thing coming. [Reuters] Keep reading »
Apparently, there are coffee and orange juice mixes that can make people incredibly aroused, and an organization for women and children in Thailand has issued a warning against these drinks, which are thought to be laced with an aphrodisiac. So far, two women have come forward saying that they’ve had a strange experience. They both said they drank a cup of coffee prepared by a man, and then, about 10 minutes later, they felt a “sudden, unstoppable sexual excitement,” which drove them to have sex. So, if a guy asks you to come over for a cup of coffee, think twice before saying “yes.” Better to ask for an unopened can or bottle of beer or soda instead. [Bangkok Post] Keep reading »