Tag Archives: anatomy of an amazing news item

Anatomy Of An Amazing News Story: Michael Lohan Checks Tanning Mom Into Rehab

anatomy of an amazing news story

Every once in awhile a story so strange, so bizarre or so WTF comes along that it leaves us no choice but break it down into its most essential parts and try to make sense of it all.

We knew Tanning Mom might have a drinking problem when she had a drunken spill and flashed her panties on the red carpet at NYC’s XL Hot Mess Drag Review. We were hoping that once she got tan sober that she would also cut back on the booze. No such luck on either front. Last week, Patty Kretcil hit rock bottom when she was pronounced too drunk to fly at a Minneapolis airport and placed in detox.

Days later, a report confirmed that Tanning Mom checked into rehab at Lukens Institute in Palm Beach, Florida, with Michael Lohan at her side. Uh, wait. What does Michael Lohan have to do with this? Well, aside from his own experience with rehab — both his own and his daughter’s, it turns out that Tanning Mom and Papa Lohan are old friends from Cold Spring Harbor High School in Long Island. I don’t even want to know what their superlatives were. [TMZ]

Tanning Mom Gay Porn
Tanning Mom gets her first part in a gay porn. Read More »
Michael Lohan Vs. Lindsay
Lindsay Lohan at the Mr Pink Ginseng Drink launch
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Tanning Mom's Song
"It's Tan Mom" is going to be a hit. Read More »

Anatomy Of An Amazing News Item: Shakira And The Impetuous Sea Lion

It’s another one of those stories. You know, the kind where the math doesn’t quite add up so you have to make a special visual equation to figure it out. Today, we found out that Shakira was nearly attacked by a wild sea lion while on an aquatic mammal tour in Cape Town, South Africa. “Suddenly, [a sea lion] jumped out of the water so fast and impetuously that it got about one foot away from me, looked me in the eye, roared in fury and tried to bite me … I was paralyzed by fear and couldn’t move, I just kept eye contact with it while my brother ‘Super Tony’ jumped over me and literally saved my life, taking me away from the beast,” the singer wrote on her Facebook page. Apparently the impetuous sea lion thought her Blackberry was a piece of food and jumped for it. Shakira survived the incident with a minuscule laceration on her hand. The part of this story that disturbs me most is the fact that she still uses a Blackberry. It’s iPhone time for Shakira. There must be an app for preventing feral sea lion attacks. [People]

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