A deeply inebriated Romanian man put two hammerheads up his butt to alleviate a case of constipation. Guess what? It didn’t work. In this helpful x-ray, one can see that Viorel Firoiu’s attempt to play home medic wasn’t meant to be in a good way, and he appeared at a hospital in Orlea, Romania, complaining of stomach pains. According to Firoiu’s story, he ate some cherries, got to feeling blocked, had a few drinks to make himself feel better, and then came up with the brilliant idea that the whole problem could be solved with a pair of hammers. (NB: Do not try this at home.) Supposedly, he tried rectifying (heh) the rectal matter with one hammerhead. It got stuck. So, he tried another. And the rest? Well, now it’s tabloid fodder. Surgeons removed the offending articles. If you want to learn more about strange things people have stuck up their bums over the years, go here. [The Sun via Gorilla Mask]

According to Amelia, anal sex is one of the things men love that women just don’t understand. Well, guys love the booty and they love doin’ the butt even more than chicken wings, gadgets, and boobies combined! While Dr. V has been teaching all of us how to have anal sex, not everyone is down for that kind of lesson. Now I don’t want to seem uptight, I know it’s perfectly safe and, in some cases, really effective. But personally, I’ve already been schooled in anal and although I flunked the final exam, I refuse to retake the class again, if you know what I mean.  So, here’s how I’ve gotten out of doing that kind of homework over the years with my “7 Excuses To Get Out Of Anal Sex”:

1. Birth Defect: This one is my infallible favorite.  How’s he going to question a medical problem in your tush? Most guys won’t ask for all the gory details because it sounds like a whole mess of TMI. Although, if you’re dating a doctor, you may want to go with options #2 through #7 (especially #6).