“The Loophole” is another brilliant piece of musical comedy from Garfunkel & Oates, the duo that brought you “29/31.” This time, they’ve moved on from single bitterness to Christian girls who stay “virgins” until they’re married but have anal sex instead. Otherwise known as “going to fifth base” or having “the sex that God can’t see.” They also refer to touching the clitoris as “ringing Satan’s doorbell,” which just killed me. [Jezebel]
That “private” Farrah Abraham and James Deen sex tape is here to ruin lunch for us all! From a blowjob, to P-in-V sex, to the “back door” anal sex as promised, we see James and Farrah in all kinds of clearly-planned-in-advance-for-Vivid fun. Farrah’s her usual nasally, kinda ditzy self but you’ll never look at “Teen Mom” the same way again. For some reason, this sex tape is especially uncomfortable. (Though I beg to disagree with her allegation that Deen is rocking a small penis. There’s a reason this guy is a professional porn star.) You can watch an edited clip above and the full 5-minute clip here. It’s very NSFW. Like, don’t get it twisted, it is straight up hardcore pornography.
Now excuse me while I go try and burn the image of Farrah Abraham’s anus from my mind. I need to “Enternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind” that shit.
Here’s a shocking surprise: The Frisky staff are a bunch of total pervs. And even though I don’t write a ton about sex, I basically have the mentality of a 12-year-old boy, where I think butts, boobs and penises are super funny all the time. This morning, in a haze of cold medicine, I started thinking about my long-held theory that tons of supposedly clean pop songs are actually just thinly veiled missives on boning. Like come on, just what are Hall & Oates referring to when they sing “I can’t go for that, no no, no can do”? It’s definitely about anal.
After the jump, we ruin some of your favorite songs.
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Graham Gremore, generous gay man that he is, took the time to answer the five most common questions straight girls have about gay sex. His tutorial includes annalingus, enemas, tops and bottoms versatiles, sluttiness and poop. Yup, I think I’ve asked my gay friends all of these questions in the past. But I certainly learned something from Graham’s video: that gay sex really isn’t all that different from straight sex. Wait, I think I knew that. Butt seriously. I learned that gay men don’t talk about top/bottom preferences. The top usually goes for the condom and the bottom goes for the lube. Interesting. [Gay]
We all know from Cupid and Hallmark and Victoria’s Secret that Valentine’s Day is supposed to be the sexiest, sultriest, panty-droppingest day in existence.
We also know that’s not actually going to happen.
But you can try, can’t you? Your partner probably isn’t going to turn into Christian/Christina Grey for the night. But that doesn’t mean you can’t introduce a sex toy or three to spice things up. Here’s nine toys we think you might enjoy for a little something-something extra this Valentine’s Day. Let us know how it goes … if you’re willing to kiss and tell.