Tag Archives: amazon

The Amazon Reviews For Haribo Sugarless Gummy Bears Are Disgustingly Hilarious

The Amazon Reviews For Haribo Sugarless Gummy Bears Are Disgustingly Hilarious

The reviews on Amazon are often a treasure trove of hilarity, but occasionally they are both amusing and educational. For example, I had no idea until today that if I were to eat a handful of Haribo sugarless gummy bears, I could expect my insides to turn into hot lava. According to the hundreds of reviews for the candy on Amazon, these gummy bears are incredibly tasty going in and incredibly painful coming out. As I’m a journalist, I plan on finding and ingesting these bears myself to confirm the validity of the reviews. I have a very strong and regular constitution, so if these Haribo sugarless gummies manage to give me “projectile diarrhea so foul and so watery it could have gone through … nylons,” as one reviewer described, you’ll know they’re to be avoided. I’ll report back! In the meantime, check out some more of the hilarious reviews of these unintentional laxatives after the jump! [Amazon via Slightly Viral] Keep reading »

British Bookseller Waterstones Overshadows Amazon’s New Drone Program

Genius!

Sorry, Amazon: your robot drone delivery program just got one-upped, in terms of both efficiency and novelty. The future of delivery will not be dependent on technology, but rather winged animals — that is, if one British book retail giant has any say in it. Waterstones has trounced Amazon’s plans (which, really, now seem quaint in comparison) by announcing the introduction of their O.W.L.S., or Ornithological Waterstones Landing Service. A fleet of specially trained owls will be ordained with the task of delivering your Waterstones package within 30 minutes. Dispiritingly, this is only proposed as a future plan: as the bookseller’s appropriately named press manager, Jon Owls, reasons, “It takes ages to train owls to do anything, and we only just thought of it this morning.” [Refinery29]

Joy Covey, Former Amazon.com Executive, Dies Suddenly In Bike Accident At 50

joy covey amazon

Joy Covey, the former CFO of Amazon.com and a pioneering woman in tech, died suddenly in a bicycle accident yesterday in San Mateo County, California, at age 50. Named by Fortune magazine in 1999 as one of the 50 most powerful women, Covey was the first chief fiscal officer of Amazon between 1996 and 2000. Working alongside CEO Jeff Bezos, she helped take Amazon.com public in 1997. According to her obituary on BusinessWeek, Covey dropped out of high school during her sophomore year and completed college in only two years. She reportedly had an IQ of 173 and became a CPA at age 19, before graduating with with joint business and law degree from Harvard. Covey joined Amazon.com at only 33-years-old and first served as CFO, then chief strategy officer of the e-commerce site. She left voluntarily in 2000 and most recently served as treasurer of the National Resources Defense Council. Covey is survived by an eight-year-old son named Tyler. [BusinessWeek] [PandoDaily] [LA Times] [Fortune] [Image via Facebook]

Guys, If You’ve Been Slacking Off At The Gym, You Can Just Buy A Fake Torso

From the deep, dark recesses of Amazon (where all the best products lie in wait), I came across this “Silicone Muscle Man Body Suit Transformation” for the bargain price of 24,000 Yen (that’s about $250). According to the Amazon description, you should buy this self-adhesive breast plate “because it is made of silicon, muscle Muscles of lifelike, I transform myself into a body builder. Because it is a self-adhesive, wear paste directly to the skin … Paste by turning it back a long part of the image, so paste behind your back also part of the long side, you can just wear. Size so you can adjust freely, it is both men and women can wear. Be turned into a body builder, professional wrestler, muscle man, warrior, etc.”

God, I love Google translations so much. I’m imaging the joy of getting a guy naked for the first time, thinking he’s a body builder and discovering this under his t-shirt. Guys probably feel similarly when we wear water bras.  [Amazon]

One-Sided Thongs
Guys... Read More »
Spanx For Men
Giving him that six-pack look, without the gym. Read More »

Today In Things That Actually Exist: The Steering Wheel Desk

Be My BF: Mobile Office
He built the most epic mobile office. Read More »
Topless Driver
You see, officer, I could not pull over because I was topless. Read More »

Ladies and gentlemen, meet the Wheelmate steering wheel desk. According to the product description, the Wheelmate is “light enough to carry, but sturdy enough to support a notepad, lunch, or even a laptop.” In the very last sentence, the company cautions against using the product while driving (apparently it’s made for parking lot lunch enthusiasts), but it’s hard to imagine that every tech-addicted workaholic will heed that suggestion. Luckily the product has already been skewered by Amazon reviewers with their trademark brand of sarcasm and satire. “Now I can drive my children to soccer practice without having to choose between their safety and my coke habit,” says one. Another appreciates the Wheelmate’s efficiency: “All the things I can get done while driving – a perfect way to use otherwise wasted time!” There are over 900 more (mostly bogus) reviews where that came from. If you have some free time today, I highly recommend scrolling through. But please pull over first. [Amazon]

Amazon Sells A 55-Gallon Bucket Of Lube For $1,495

Okay, someone please tell me what a $1,500, 55-gallon vat of Passion Natural Water-Based Lubricant can be used for. Usually a dollop will do ya. Fifty-five gallons seems beyond excessive. When you’re done explaining that, please look at the “customers who viewed this item also viewed” section. The “Accoutrement Horse Head Mask,” I understand. But I need to know what you do with a “Fresh Whole Rabbit” and a “Scientific Testicle Self Exam Form.” I am frightened. [Buzzfeed]

Debate This: Is It OK For Amazon To Sell “Kiddie Porn”?

Yesterday we got into a heated debate over whether or not Amazon should have banned its controversial Kindle title The Pedophile’s Guide to Love And Pleasure. I should revise my original statement to read, “I am opposed to censorship in most cases.” But as reader Vivster so wisely pointed out, censorship is an official order not to sell or publish something, and Amazon is a private bookseller. So it’s kind of a moot point anyway. That being said, I think that Amazon was right to pull the title. That is my opinion. But now other Amazon content is being questioned. Keep reading »

Amazon Finally Bans “The Pedophile’s Guide To Love And Pleasure”

What kind of crack was Amazon smoking when the retailer decided it was OK to sell the book The Pedophile’s Guide to Love and Pleasure: A Child Lover’s Code of Conduct? Amazon was initially standing behind Philip R. Greaves II’s self-published Kindle e-reader title saying, “Amazon believes it is censorship not to sell certain books simply because we or others believe their message is objectionable. Amazon does not support or promote hatred or criminal acts, however, we do support the right of every individual to make their own purchasing decisions.” After internet-wide protest and the popular Twitter trending topic #BoycottAmazon, Amazon has removed the title from its website. I am completely against censorship, but good lord! Teaching someone how to be a pedophile is beyond an “objectionable criminal act” — it is abominable! Finally, how long before this Philip R. Greaves II is investigated for his crimes? [MSNBC] Keep reading »

Amazon Buys Zappos, We’re Concerned

Remember when Zappos.com was just a cute little website where you could get amazing deals on shoes? Well, today our fave place to score heels and flats alike is a multi-million dollar company that has attracted the attention of Amazon. In fact, the online giant has scooped up the company for almost one billion dollars. (We made the same face too!) The purchase was announced earlier this month and will be fully completed in the fall. Despite the major news, don’t expect any dramatic changes. Tony Hsieh, Zappos’ CEO, recently sent out a video promising, “We plan to continue to run Zappos the way we have always run Zappos.” If that means continued great selection, amazing customer service and an uber-generous return policy, then the deal is A-OK by us. But we’ll be paying close attention. [Tech Crunch] Keep reading »

Howl At The Moon!

We all had one. A kid in our junior high school class who wore a wolf T-shirt, I mean. That kid was ahead of the curve, as the wolf T is suddenly oh-so ironically in. The craze started when a T-shirt, with three wolves illustrated on it, went up for sale on Amazon and inspired fake review after fake review of how much customers enjoyed their purchase. Suddenly, the wolf T because the site’s number one best selling item in the apparel section. Here’s a sampling of the reviews that helped make it a best seller:

“I have been wearing this shirt for about 15 weeks and I have not needed to wash it! You don’t put this shirt on your torso you put it on your soul. The day I bought this shirt I lost 300 lbs!” —B.Prince

Keep reading »

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