“Twilight” director Catherine Hardwick has a new angst-ridden project in the works: a remake of Shakespeare’s “Hamlet.” Emile Hirsch is the tasty choice picked to play the passionate Prince. We can’t wait to see him strut and fret in ye old tight pants. While we’d happily watch the grass grow if irresistible Emile were lying in it, it’s a total bonus that this just happens to be one of our favorite sub genres—a twisted teen take on a Shakesperean classic. Since there’s nothing like a hunk who wants to school us in the ways of love, here are other modern blockbusters that have helped us avoid actually reading Shakespeare.

Psst. Hey. Hey, you. Yeah, you. Amanda. Amanda Bynes. I wanted to tell you know something. Your butt? You know, your banana roll, as they call it? Falling out the back for your shorts? That’s not workin’. I mean, it’s your butt. The bottom of your butt. And we’re all looking at it. Sure, sure. You were just jumping out of your car “for a minute” to grab some magazines at that newsstand. Really, though, that’s still a major TMI fashion faux pas you got there. And we have to imagine you noticed that fleet of paps following you, and you’re well aware that they’re standing there waiting for your behind to fall out of those crack-splitters so they can get a shot. So, why? Why parade your rear for all to see? Do you want to be the next Britney? Because we know where she ended up after all those flashes. Bald and institutionalized. What about you, ladies? Would you rock these booty shorts in public?

Jessica Simpson has learned that a simple T-shirt, jeans and a scarf is always best if you don’t have a professional stylist. [Popbytes]

Putting too much pressure on your guy for a marriage proposal could end up backfiring on you if he really isn’t ready. And no one wants to marry a nag. [Dear Sugar]

These TV characters will definitely make your bachelorette party a night to remember. [Your Tango]

“Man Vs. Wild”‘s Bear Grylls named his baby son Huckleberry. After the fictional character I assume and not the actual berry. [DListed]

Amanda Bynes dumped Doug Reinhardt, that tool from “The Hills” who used to date Lauren Conrad. [Us Weekly]

Are Salma Hayek and her French baby daddy together or not? [Pop Sugar]

Marilyn Manson’s new girlfriend is Dita Von Teese 3.0. [DListed]

Tom Cruise, who, along with wife Katie Holmes, is featured in this Sunday’s New York Times’ Magazine, says he bought an engagement ring after their first date. Don’t you mean audition? [DListed]