Life. So many unanswered questions. Thank God Almie Rose is here to guide us through our most intimate quandaries. In this webisode, Almie helps us figure out how to masturbate when someone else — your roommate, your study buddy, or unwanted house guest — is in the room. Because you shouldn’t be deprived of yourself, just because someone else happens to be there…
Almie Rose is a versatile young lady. Want proof? Check out her informative transformation from regular ol’ Silverlake hipstar girl, replete with glasses and sweater, to lip glossed porn star. And you’ll want to do this, of course, because boys love porn stars.
Do you have a birthday coming up? Good! Because our fearless correspondent Almie Rose will show you the proper way to celebrate. Hint: It involves concealer and wine.
Who writes love letters these days? Me, that crazy kid Almie Rose, that’s who. In this helpful video, I show you the ins and outs of writing a proper love letter. Hint: Don’t mention your dying cat.
I think Mitt Romney is my favorite reality show of all time. He just keeps the gaffes coming. The joy (and horror) in Romney’s campaign relies on his bizarre verbal blunders, and thanks to his campaign’s Twitter, the gold keeps coming. Check out this video where I turn some of Romney’s classic lines from his speeches and tweets and warp them into patriotic, sexy pick-up lines. God bless America!
It’s not big news that ads are photoshopped. But every once in a while I see something that’s so completely ridiculous that I have to wonder if the people involved are for real. You have to understand, from far away, I had no idea who the hell those guys were supposed to be, and it’s a giant billboard — it’s the size of the building. I honestly thought that Michael Chiklis on the right was a Pixar creation.
No, this is in no way the worst case of photoshopping ever. I’m not saying that. You might even be thinking, This isn’t a big deal, I wouldn’t have looked twice. But isn’t that the problem? Why aren’t we looking twice? Why aren’t we surprised by these photoshopped images any more? Why are we accepting this? And I’ve noticed that lately, men seem to finally be getting the same crazy photoshop treatment that women get, though I don’t see this as a victory. All it does is perpetuate this stupid cycle of raising standards by depicting all celebrities so flawless, they look computer generated. (Or worse, when the images become so manipulated, they look like other people. I thought that Kim Cattral on the “Sex and the City 2″ poster was Katherine Heigl.) Keep reading »