Tag Archives: alcohol

Drinking Hand Sanitizer & 5 Other Stupid Ways To Get Drunk Or High

Alcohol makes you smarter!
Studies confirm drinking makes you smarter! Read More »

Kids these days! They’re just not getting drunk like they used to. When I was a young sprite, someone with a car had to drive into the nearest city and buy booze from the one dodgy liquor store known to sell to under-21s. But modern youth have taken to drinking liquid hand sanitizer. Could their mouths really be as dirty as the Orbit gum commercial says? No, silly: hand sanitizer contains 62 percent ethyl alcohol, which is teenager-speak for “good enough for me.”  So far, six teens have been rushed to San Fernando Valley ERs after learning the hard way that this is a f**king stupid thing to do. Now, get off my lawn! [USA Today

Alas, San Fernando Valley teens are not the only creative, bored individuals to consume the modern equivalent of bath tub gin. But there are more! Here are a bunch of other stupid ways to get drunk or high that WE TOTALLY DO NOT CONDONE YOU TRYING, you hear?

This Just In: A Couple Beers Might Improve Your Test Scores

Bad News On Beer Goggles
woman drinking beer photo
Beer goggles last longer for women, study finds. Read More »
Beer-Flavored Vag
vagina photo
Beer-flavored vagi-wipes both horrify and amuse us. Read More »
Alcohol makes you smarter!
Studies confirm drinking makes you smarter! Read More »

A new study from the University of Illinois should make college students very happy: apparently drinking a couple beers before a test may improve your performance. Researchers administered a brain teaser quiz to a group of 40 men. Study participants who had two drinks before the test –either two pints of beer or two medium glasses of wine–were able to solve 40 percent more brain teasers than the sober participants, and they solved them considerably faster. The researchers say this is because alcohol hinders analytical thinking and opens your mind to creative problem solving. Tipsy test-takers also spend less time second-guessing themselves. Study co-author Jennifer Wiley is quick to point out that these results do not apply to binge drinking, though: “We tested what happens when people are slightly merry — not when people drink to extremes.” So there you have it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to get slightly merry and take some online IQ tests. [MSN]

Care For A Nice Frothy Glass Of Santorum?

Google "Santorum"
Wants Google to stop associating his name with "frothy" anal sex bi-product. Read More »
Santorum Nail Polish
Santorum nail polish photo
Nail polish is the only way I'm letting santorum get on my hands. Read More »
Santorum Drops Out
Rick Santorum photo
Ding dong, the witch is dead! Read More »
Santorum cocktail photo

Rick Santorum suspended his GOP presidential campaign yesterday, but we all know more anti-gay, anti-woman asshattery is probably still forthcoming. Who would be surprised if he ends up with his very own gig on Fox News a la Sarah Palin? Not us! Obviously we’re going to need a good amount of booze to deal with such a turn of events and that’s why we’re thrilled a NYC bar has debuted a frothy brown beverage that it’s calling the Santorum. As the sicker-minded amongst us are aware, “Santorum” is sex columnist Dan Savage’s name for “the frothy mix of lube and fecal matter that is sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.”

The $8 Santorum cocktail at the Brooklyn bar Pacific Standard, however, is a feast for more delicate palettes: Baileys Irish Cream, orange-flavored vodka, Angostura bitters, and Godiva dark chocolate flakes. Sounds mmm-mmm-good. Perhaps we’ll knock back a few on Election Night? [Slate]

“Beer Goggles” Explained By Science

Bad News On Beer Goggles
woman drinking beer photo
Beer goggles last longer for women, study finds. Read More »
Alcohol makes you smarter!
Studies confirm drinking makes you smarter! Read More »
I Quit Drinking
no drinking photo
What happens when our author quit her epic boozing. Read More »
beer goggles photo

We are all familiar with “beer goggles,” otherwise known as the only reason anything happens on “Jersey Shore” ever. Recently, scientists with too much time on their hands have discovered just how “beer googles” work and how they’re harder on lady drinkers. Haha, very funny, Mother Nature. Keep reading »

Unwind With A Glass Of Meterorito Space Wine

Asparamancer
This woman predicts the future with asparagus. Watch »
Wine Sippy Cups
Sip your wine with class. Read More »
Space Sex
Newt Gingrich thinks space sex is great. We don't. Read More »
Watch Video

In case you were wondering what space tastes like when fermented with your favorite varietal, you’ll be eager to try Meterorito, a Cabernet Sauvignon infused with a piece of 4.5 billion-year-old meteor rock. Winemaker Ian Hutcheon procured the meteor, which is believed to have crashed into the desert in Chile 6,000 years ago, from an American collector. Hutcheon claims that the meteor makes the flavors “livelier” and “more potent.” When you sip a glass of this wine, you’ll be “drinking elements from the birth of the solar system,” he says. Yes, please. I’ll take a case. Is that a nose of Jupiter I detect on my palate, with a hint of Mars, and a base note of the Big Bang? [Oddity Central]

Guy Talk: On Drunken Logic

23 Bad Sex Moves
Don't try these at home. Or anywhere. Read More »
Making The Move
A guy talks about the making the first move on a woman. Read More »
27 Turn Offs
The biggest turn offs we've ever heard. Read More »

Drunken logic is a beautiful thing. When that perfect amount of booze sloshes around the canals of your brain, dipping here, crashing there, telling you that it’s probably a really good idea to steal lipstick from your friend’s girlfriend, apply that lipstick on your mouth, approach an attractive woman coming out of the bar and pretend that the two of you just made out in the bathroom. Keep reading »

Dear Prudence Advice Columnist Suggested Possibly-Date Raped Woman Is “Trying To Ruin Someone Else’s Life”

I Was Date Raped
Amelia was date raped in college by a guy she liked. Read More »
Date Rape PSA
date rape poster
This date rape PSA has been accused of blaming the victim. Read More »
Drunk Is A Feminist Issue
Why women everywhere should be concerned about binge-drinking. Read More »
woman drinking beer photo

“Trying to ruin someone else’s life is a poor way to address one’s alcohol and self-control problems.”

This is true. But is this really the most intelligent — to say nothing of compassionate — thing for an advice columnist to say to someone whose friend was possibly date raped?

No, Dear Prudence at Slate.com, it was not.

Keep reading »

Girl Talk: I’m Not A Recovering Alcoholic But I Act Like One

Drunk Is A Feminist Issue
Why women everywhere should be concerned about binge-drinking. Read More »
Too Drunk?
If you're a drunk woman who gets raped, will you be taken seriously? Read More »
Recovery Envy
On envying those in recovery for addiction. Read More »

“She doesn’t drink,” my Mom said when someone offered me a glass of champagne at my sister’s wedding last summer.

“Mom!” I hissed. “Can you say ‘She doesn’t like to drink’? People are going to think I’m a recovering alcoholic!”

But after nodding no time and again to waiters coming around to refill wine and passing my empty glasses back to them, I noticed that to the casual bystander, I appear to be a recovering alcoholic. I don’t know anyone else who just doesn’t drink because they don’t like to, and won’t even have a sip of champagne for a toast. Unless they are sober. Which is when I realized that I have a lot in common with recovering alcoholics. Keep reading »

Morning Quickies: Heather Locklear Hospitalized For Drugs & Alcohol

Heather's Hit-And-Run
Who was the victim of Heather Locklear's hit-and-run? Read More »
Evening Quickies
Heather Locklear photo
  • If there’s one thing not to mix with alcohol, it’s prescription drugs. Heather Locklear learned this the hard way and was hospitalized yesterday afternoon after her sister called 911. A hospital spokesperson says Heather is awake and responsive right now, but law enforcement sources say the actress consumed a “dangerous mix” of drugs. In 2008, Heather’s doctor called 911 out of concern that she may have ODed on prescription meds. Get well soon, Heather Locklear! [TMZ, Starpulse]
  • Sinead O’Connor has called off her marriage with Barry Herridge yet again. The couple married, then split after 17 days, then got together again. In a message on her website, Sinead posted “The marriage [is] untenable so that is now over.  … I’m gonna be me. And if anyone doesn’t like that they can seek therapy. Because I am wonderful. Exactly as I am. As Bridget Jones would say.” While I admire her quotation of Bridget Jones, I am worried for this woman! Earlier this week, Sinead tweeted that she desperately needed a psychiatrist who could prescribe her meds. Hope she’s getting the help she needs. [The Sun UK]
  • James Franco has been tapped to play Robert Mapplethorpe in a flick about the famed photographer, who died in 1989 of AIDS. [Hollywood Reporter]
  • Olivia Munn is the latest celeb to pose nakey-nakey for PETA, alongside a floppy bunny. [Starpulse]
  • Lindsay Lohan owes $94K in back taxes for 2009 and has been hit with a tax lien. Oof. Tax bullshit is no fun. [Evil Beet Gossip] Keep reading »

Rachel Maddow Does Shots With Jimmy Fallon

Santorum on Lesbians
Today's Lady News
Says being a lesbian is a "choice." Read More »
Rachel The Style Icon
rachel maddow
How to steal the progressive talk show host's famous look. Read More »
Lesbian-Beiber Hair
justin bieber photo
Lesbians who look like Bieber refuse to accept his new hair. Read More »
Watch Video

Rachel Maddow isn’t just good at looking cute and making politicians look like idiots. She is also an amateur mixologist. (Good skill to have if that whole MSNBC hosting gig falls through.) Last night on “Late Night,” Rachel taught Jimmy Fallon how to do “pickleback” shots, which is one shot each of Jameson and pickle juice. “It’s a little weird,” she says. The word she’s looking for is revolting. [I find them delicious, actually. -- Editor] But I’d still drink them, because Rachel Maddow made them. And also, there’s something in pickle juice that makes it a good hangover cure. I’m sold. [Hulu.com]

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