I was conversing with a dude this weekend about imbibing alcohol on a first date -- how much is too much and even too little. As someone who enjoys a good glass/bottle of wine, especially paired with food, dating someone who drinks is kind of, well, important to me. No offense to any readers who don't drink (especially those who are in recovery), but it would be difficult for me to date a non-drinker. That said, I don't want to date someone who can't have a good time without boozing it up either. I always do my darndest not to get drunk on a first date, mainly because I want to make the best decisions possible if I'm just starting to get to know someone -- and I certainly would be buggin' out a little if my date got smashed while I remained fairly sober. So, what about you?

You know when you drink way too much, do something stupid, and then have to face down the people you did said stupid thing in front of the next day? Evidently, peeps were having the same experience back in 9th century China. A form letter was recently found in western China, created by the Dunhuang Bureau of Etiquette, which made it easy for public officials to excuse themselves after drunken escapades. The translation is poetically amazing:

“Yesterday, having drunk too much, I was intoxicated as to pass all bounds; but none of the rude and coarse language I used was uttered in a conscious state. The next morning, after hearing others speak on the subject, I realized what had happened, whereupon I was overwhelmed with confusion and ready to sink into the earth with shame.” [Neatorama]

Human beings came up with those brilliant words over 1,020 years ago, and we still don’t have floating space condos! We don’t even have eloquently scribed form letters anymore, do we? I guess that’s because we’ve been too busy drinking ourselves silly and looking for creative ways to get out of work. So, we haven’t really had the time to invent anything good? Let’s all give this a try and see if people are as forgiving as they used to be. First round’s on me!

Jet lag? I think not. In this 2007 interview to promote “ER” in Australia, John Stamos was clearly wasted out of his mind. In fact, the first word out of his mouth was “vodka.” He followed it up by reading the host’s lines off the teleprompter and making crude gestures. Two years later, John is finally admitting that he was in fact on sleeping pills and also just plain ol’ “plastered” in this clip. Duh. Well, at least he’s not a real doctor. [Celebitchy]

After the jump, some more of our favorite under-the-influence television appearances. Whether the stars admit it or not.

Snow White has been made over into “Ho White,” smokin’ a fag after, apparently, a rockin’ roll in the hay with her favorite seven dwarves. The ad is for Australian brewery Jamieson’s raspberry ale which is being marketed as “anything but sweet.” The thing is, the company behind it, The Foundry, forgot to ask Disney’s permission to turn one of its fairy tale heroines in to a big ol’ gangbanging slut, and they’ve had to pull the ad. Too bad, because I think it’s more funny than offensive. [AdFreak]

This is the most bad-ass story my mom has to tell you: Before she married my dad, she dated a guy who rode a motorcycle and she smoked a puff of marijuana with him. She didn’t get high. The End! My dad has never smoked pot, ever, and neither parent experimented with any other drugs. It’s like the ‘60s came and went and both my parents missed it.

The addiction clinic, Hazelden, recently released a study which said 33 percent of teens reported their parents haven’t talked to them about their own drug use. Of the parents that haven’t yet told their kids about that time they ate three pints of Ben & Jerry’s in one sitting, the majority (74 percent) cited the old parenting chestnut: “Do as I say, not as I do.”

The Daily Mail released another one of their sensational studies yesterday. This time the researchers cast their glare to women, drinking and their ability (or lack thereof) to have sex sober. “One in 20 women has NEVER had sex sober as they lack body confidence” screams the headline.

Who hasn’t had a drink or two before hopping in the sack? I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve been guilty. I mean sex—especially with a new person—can be a daunting task. A nice little buzz can help alleviate some stress or spice things up a bit, right? But hold on one second before you polish off that cosmo. Do you really need that drink to get down? A new study conducted in the U.K. about women, sex, and alcohol suggests that maybe the answer is yes. The study concludes that not only do women seem to prefer drunken sex to sober sex, but we also are using alcohol to compensate for confidence, especially about our bodies. After the jump, some more sobering stats that may make you think twice about drinking before getting it on.

I found this report so disturbing that during our daily meeting here at Frisky Headquarters, when everyone clamored for more info on the whys and the hows, I protested. According to this news story, teens in Phoenix, Arizona are doing some things so disturbing I’m putting them after the jump.

Last night, I got drunk. (A few too many Blue Moons.) The night before that, I got drunk. (Vodka tonics.) The night before that, I got really drunk and accidentally made out with a dude two degrees skeevier than I would normally go anywhere near. (Shots followed by champagne.) The night before that, I ... got drunk. (Blue Moon. Again.)

I bet you’re starting to notice a pattern here. 

• Bringing new meaning to the term “firecrotch,” a 26-year-old Greek woman on the island of Crete poured alcohol on a British tourist’s genitals and set them on fire. The woman alleged that the 23-year-old Brit pulled his pants down, “forcefully fondled” her and requested she touch his penis. She allegedly doused his junk in booze and set it on fire with a lighter. Apparently “considerable damage” has been done to his testicles and penis. [NY Daily News] — Wow, there were really less bats**t ways she could have handled that situation. Poor guy (even if he was allegedly sexually assaulting her).

Because Starbucks doesn’t already take enough of my money, the coffee chain announced it may start selling beer and wine in addition to coffee. Starbucks is currently serving alcohol during the evenings at one of its coffee shops in Seattle and if that pilot program is successful, the company could open others. However, their stores which sell alcohol will “look very different from a typical Starbucks,” USA Today reports, probably because there’ll be obnoxious drunk people in them.

The beers and wines, which will likely be local to the Pacific Northwest, will cost $4 to $7 a pop. Hmm, wonder if Starbucks will still make your order your booze in those stupid tall, grande or venti sizes? [USA Today]

It’s already a concern when you’re swigging straight from the bottle. It’s a whole other problem, however, if the bottle is this Sexy Tina Milky Vodka. A Russian variety, this breast-shaped container is just asking for the drinker to put his lips to it. (“Milky vodka” apparently refers to Irish Cream.) If you’re going to drink this booby vodka, at least pour the servings into a glass, so that way you can cup them. [Lovely Package]

Fad drugs may come and go, but drinking will always stay in style. Which is perhaps why NYC bar Local 138 asked fashion designers to concoct cocktails for its summer drink menu. Marc Jacobs created an updated mint julep which he called the Marc Mint Martini, while Ralph Lauren made a rum punch with fresh crushed raspberries and lime juice. Tory Burch’s bevvie, the Tikki Tini, is the loudest with blends of tropical fruits like mango and pineapple. If you’re in New York this summer, give them a taste at this bar in the Lower East Side, where you just might overdose on hipness if not from your drink. [NY Daily News]

Lawsuits to roll your eyes at: they’re not just filed by Americans anymore!

A 20-year-old British college student is suing her old boarding school for $493,000, claiming the school fostered a ‘drinking culture’ that led her to get wasted and fall out a first floor window, permanently injuring herself.

Mojito Lip Balm, $12, Malin + Goetz
Senorita Margarita Ultra Rich 3-in-1 Shampoo, Shower Gel, and Bubble Bath, $16, Philosophy

Drinking too much alcohol will make you have a bad face day, and it might cause premature aging. However, cocktails in the form of beauty products will perk you up as much as a poolside Tecate.

Certain things go out of style, but a classic martini isn’t one of them. So, if your idea of liquid entertainment is a pitiful six-pack of Bud Lite, you might want to educate yourself in the language of liquor. (You can get drunk as part of this, but please wait until the end of the class.)

Setting up a liquor cabinet from scratch may not be cheap (about $100 for the basics), but if you decide to start entertaining more at home, it can be cost-effective, not to mention cute, if you get a cool piece of furniture (like a bar cart or hutch) to house your loot in. Here, what you’ll need, plus some basic recipes.

After prohibiting smoking in bars in January, the French government is now cracking down on other vices by banning open bars and happy hours. The measures come after rising binge drinking trends among its country’s youth. This may come as a surprise to Americans accustomed to college kid-culture which traditionally stands in contrast to Europe’s seemingly refined youth who have profited from liberal attitudes on drinking. But, it appears weaning youngsters on beer and wine is no longer working as alcohol-related visits for minors rose 50 percent in the past five years. The law will also raise the drinking age from 16 to 18. While wine and cigarettes might be health threats, they’re also staples of French culture. If the government continues this trend, what’s next? Better start clinging to those croissants for dear life. [Reuters]

The next time your man blames booze on his inability to, uh, rise to the occasion, you might want to tell him about this recent survey that suggests otherwise. Researchers in Australia discovered that alcohol actually improves rather than hinders a man’s performance in the bedroom. In a study of 1,580 men, drinkers reported 30% fewer problems than those who don’t booze it up.  Guys who had four drinks, five days a week — an amount that might raise eyebrows in some circles, but qualifies as “moderate” in Australia — reported the fewest instances of erectile dysfunction. Apparently, even “binge drinkers” reported less trouble getting it up than those who have just one drink a day or none at all. The study suggests a “favorable association between low-risk drinking and positive erectile function.” In other words, “whiskey d**k” may just be something a guy should aspire to. Then again, the researchers never asked women how these drunk guys performed. [Daily Mail]

In the land of booze, there’s no doubt that sex sells. We’re used to seeing the half-clad woman on a billboard, covering her crotch with a bottle of vodka. But why do we combine drink names with sex? Is it because of the good laugh we all have when asking a hot bartender, “Can you make me a Spread Eagle?” Whatever the reason, these sexy drinks usually have outlandish names with disgusting, random, sugary ingredients—things that no self-respecting boozehounds would ever order or put down their gullet. But damn, they’re fun. After the jump, a sexy drink sampling.