Dear AJ,
I guess I should start by saying congratulations. You’re getting married this weekend. To someone who isn’t me. Still, even I can admit you guys seem like a good match: you share a love of tattoos and heavy eyeliner. You sent out gothic style wedding invitations with your names written in a dripping blood font. I get that. It’s pretty cute.
Speaking of invitations, mine seems to have gotten lost in the mail. It’s probably for the best, because if I had been invited, at the moment the gothic priest said, “If anyone has any reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace,” I would have stood up and said this…
