Consider yourself lucky, Demi Moore; you broke free from Ashton a healthier woman (just don’t smoke any more of those crazy herbs, girl). New research suggests that marrying a younger man may be a cause for increased mortality rates among women. That totally shatters my dreams of bagging a 30-year-old on my 55th birthday. It seems that if we want to have a long and healthy life, us women are better off marrying a guy our age — or at least that’s what researchers believe. Keep reading »
Hugo’s piece was originally published at the Good Men Project Magazine.
Both at the Good Men Project and at my own blog, my most popular posts in terms of page-views are invariably those that focus on one particularly controversial subject: older men and younger women. (Here’s “What Young Women Are Really Looking For From Older Men.”)
As I’ve laid out in those pieces, for a number of reasons I think we should be suspicious of age-disparate heterosexual relationships in which the male partner is substantially older than the female one, and in which the woman is still quite young (say, under 23). Put simply, the potential problems in these relationships seem to diminish based less upon the actual number of years in between the partners and more upon the age of the woman involved. I’m more concerned about an 18 year-old woman and a 30 year-old man than I am about a 30 year-old woman and a 55 year-old man, even though the latter relationship has twice the number of years separating the partners. The research of psychologists like Lynn Phillips—who has written extensively about relationships between teen girls (including those above the age of consent) and older men—bears out how damaging these relationships can be. Keep reading »
In my office, Amber is telling me a familiar story. She’s come to talk about her autobiography paper for my women’s studies class, and she reads part of her rough draft aloud.
“I was 12, and this car pulled up alongside me as I was walking home from school … the driver looked a little older than my dad, at least 40. He leaned out, and I thought he was going to ask me for directions, but instead he asked me how old I was. When I told him, he laughed. ‘Damn, you got some big titties for such a little girl.’ He made this gross smacking sound with his lips, and sped away. I ran all the way home.”
Amber looks up at me. “I want to know,” she asks, “why do older men hit on younger women?” She’s 20 now, tall and graceful; she tells me that for the last eight years, older men have been approaching her. “It’s not just me,” she adds, “it happens to most of my friends, almost regardless of what they look like or what they’re wearing. It makes me feel like I can’t trust anyone, like all men want just one thing. Why can’t they chase women their own age?” Keep reading »
About four months ago I started dating a new guy. He’s great to me, we can talk for hours, and have loads in common. But of course there is a catch … I’m 21 and he’s 30. Because of the age gap, I feel like I’m too far behind in my life to have a real adult relationship. I feel this way most when we are around some of his friends (most are married, engaged, or have children). He just told me he loved me (after four months!) and I’m afraid of moving too fast with this guy because I feel that he needs more from me than I can give. He talks about marriage and kids a lot. Although I want all of those things one day, I really must finish undergrad first. How can I let him know all of this without discouraging him from being with me? I really do feel that I love him back, but that could be me being a 21-year-old girl who is in lust. Clearly I’m having mixed emotions! — The Antique Collector
In my twenties, I dated a guy who was 12 years older than me. In my thirties, I went in the other direction, dating a dude 11 years my junior. (Don’t you dare call me a cougar!) Although both ended rather badly, I feel like that while the gaping age difference didn’t directly cause either relationship’s demise, it certainly didn’t help. Mostly because I wasn’t very graceful about handling it.
So, learn from my mistakes. Whichever way your May/December relationship skews, there are certain pitfalls you should do your best to avoid. Keep reading »
I have forever dated older men. Some by a year. Others by four years. Another by ten years. My theory came to be that ten years might be the ideal age difference. I felt five years older than my age, and men were usually about five maturity years younger than their actual age, so if I was 25, my ideal mate would be 35. We would meet at the figurative age of 30. It all made perfect mathematical sense. Keep reading »
Last year, I had sex with a grandfather. That sounds bad, but I didn’t know he was a grandpa until after we’d done it. Plus, he’s a good thirty years younger than my own grandfather. But still, at 53, he had two kids and a baby granddaughter, while at 32, I’m itching to give birth to my own babies. When he confessed his real age to me over lunch following our hotel-room hookup (he’d told me he was 48), I assured him that I didn’t mind.
And at first, I didn’t. Part of what attracted me to him was that he was mature. He owned his own home, had a secure job. His life wasn’t as precarious as the other guys I’d recently dated. He seemed steady and solid, thoughtful, and I liked the idea of him presiding over a family. It made me feel like he’d be protective and gentlemanly, but still hot. Keep reading »
We’re so ready for the weekend, especially because today is Friday the 13th, and you never know what’s gonna happen: You might end up inside Jamie Lee Curtis’ body. But we hope you’ll come say “hi” in the Forums no matter what. Also, don’t forget that Father’s Day is Sunday. Dads need love, too.
The older a man is when he gets married, the more likely it is that his bride will be significantly younger — even if he’s poor — according to new Stanford University research. Men in their 40s tend to marry women who are an average of seven years younger; for men in their 50s, there’s usually an 11-year age difference; and if a guy’s in his 60s, his wife will be about 13 years younger. “In first marriages, men are typically a couple years older than women,” said Paula England, co-author of the study. But, “the older men are when they marry, and it doesn’t matter whether it’s a first or a second marriage, the more years they marry down.” Keep reading »
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