Pauline Phillips, best known to the world as the advice columnist “Dear Abby,” passed away this week at the age of 94. In her honor, here’s a column where she gives very sound advice to a woman who doesn’t know whether to marry the safe guy or the one who gives her “the creeps.” “Don’t marry either one,” Dear Abby advised. “When ‘The One’ comes along, you’ll flip your lid, not a coin.” BOOM. [Buzzfeed]
It’s not your fault he cheated. (Guys, same goes for you. It’s not your fault she cheated.) Cheating is not the fault of the cheatee. Are we all clear on that? You didn’t cause it. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it. Yes, it was probably a symptom of a problem in the relationship, but cheating is not the appropriate way to handle such problems. People who cheat are selfish cowards.
I say this as a person who cheated once. I’m not proud of it. It happened when I was much younger, when I was too scared to talk about the doubts I was having about the relationship. It wasn’t my boyfriend’s fault. He did nothing wrong. I was the asshole with the bad coping skills. I’ve grown up since then. I’ve learned how to talk about my feelings. I would never cheat on anyone again because I understand why it’s not the right thing to do. It doesn’t solve any problems, it only creates more. I don’t consider myself a dishonest person for having cheated, but I do think I was a misguided person at the time.
I’m making this confession, not for sympathy, but in response to this article I came across called “10 Ways To Keep Him From Cheating.” Making it even more offensive is the fact that this piece was written by a licensed relationship counselor. She says:
“Most men do not cheat because they don’t love you anymore. Men cheat because they want more variety in their sex lives. Some complain of being bored. They want to feel adored by their partners; they want to assert their freedom; they are tired of disappointing you; they want a partner who places them at the center of their life, and they no longer feel like the priority in yours.”
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The green-eyed monster: it’s nice to know that even super-successful, “Saturday Night Live”-starring, Golden Globes-hosting, Tina Fey-best-friending Amy Poehler has had to slay that one. Her advice on how not to let jealousy make you a bitter person might proves Amy might be most rational person in Hollywood!
The holidays mean lots of family time, and if you have a significant other, you could be meeting his family for the first time over the Christmas dinner. Whether you’re in a serious relationship or dating someone new, meeting the family — and especially the parents — can be nerve-racking. While there’s no predicting how the meeting will go, thanks to all the movie examples of worse-case scenarios and crazy families, we can at least relax knowing it could be worse. And we can learn what to do and what not to do from these memorable meet-the-family scenes. Check out the tips for meeting the fam now! Read more…
The holidays are good times — everything is sparkly and Mariah Carey is blasting wherever you go. But they also create the perfect storm of getting-to-the-airport, gift-giving, bring-on-the-crazy stress. The good news: Your body has your back. “The way the body responds to stress is the same during the holidays as during any other time of year,” says Ari Novick, Ph.D, a psychotherapist and founder of the AJ Novick Group for Anger and Stress Management, in Laguna Beach, California.
First, your heart rate and blood pressure go up a notch (or two) spurting out chemicals to amp your fight or flight response just in case things get out of hand; then, having this happen on a daily basis may lead to feelings of anxiety or depression and the next thing you know, you’re snapping at the Starbucks barista for no apparent reason. But, why do you need to chill out right now more than ever? “The holidays bring up additional stressors that may be don’t exist in our day-to-day lives,” says Novick. That means extra anxiety on top of your already-stressful life, which could cause a full-blown meltdown. Here’s how to nip those holiday WTH moments in the bud. Read more…
Every Thanksgiving and Christmas, my mother makes two different kinds of dip. One is an onion dip, made by combining a tub of sour cream and a packet of onion soup mix. The other is a beef dip which I think is just warm pastrami all chopped up and combined with uh, another tub of sour cream? Whatever it is, it’s sheer insanely delicious meat-magic for your insides. My mom makes them because her mom used to make them.
She serves the onion one with ridged potato chips and the beef one with Fritos (I KNOW RIGHT?), though I can attest that, in a pinch, chips are not required to enjoy them. She got the recipes from her mom, who also made both dips for the holidays. That’s right — it’s a family dipdition, sat-fat style. Zero shame in that game. Keep reading »
“Ask Amy” is back! This time, Amy Poehler is stopping a pint-sized people pleaser in her tracks. “Maybe you can stop trying, turn that energy back on yourself, and you become more attractive when you love yourself. You attract the right things when you have a sense of who you are,” Amy advises. “I know it’s tough at 15 to have that. It’s tough at 41 to have that! But I think that may be the way in: to stop trying and let go.” Amy seems a little choked up this time. Is it just me or do you imagine she might be calling upon her split from Will Arnett in this one?
I turned 20 years old this year, and with that birthday came the 10th anniversary of my father’s death. This past decade has given me plenty of space and time to orchestrate my thoughts about losing a parent.
Unfortunately, I don’t have a magical secret to healing. I wish I did. Still, what I can do is let you know what I’ve learned since 2002. I’m going to speak in terms of losing a parent, but, really, almost everything I say can apply to the loss of anyone you love. Keep reading »
Thanksgiving can be one beautiful holiday, but depending on your situation, it can also be a lot of condensed family-filled time. Since your family is obviously interested in your life and what you’ve been up to, lots of questions are bound to pop up. Some will be easy to answer, but others you may not be comfortable with. In order to make your Thanksgiving as smooth and painless as possible, read through these five easy tips to help you set healthy boundaries before you set the table.
1. Tune into your feelings. Start getting comfortable with tuning into yourself and what makes you tick. If someone says something or is acting in a way that makes you feel uneasy, that’s a cue that they’re crossing a boundary. Read more…
The phrase “holiday travel” instantly conjures up images of endless lines, delayed flights, cranky babies, and even crankier adults. We know that taking a trip during the hectic holiday season will never be the easiest endeavor, but there’s no reason you can’t make the experience a bit less hellish, and a bit more fabulous (yes, really!). Here are 10 simple ways to make your holiday journey the best it can be…. Keep reading »