2013 was a year of enormous personal upheaval for me. I met my life partner and married him just five months later at City Hall. I lost a friend to suicide. I distanced myself from people who weren’t proving themselves to be interested in the caliber of friendship that I want to invest in. I made huge strides in standing up for myself and not taking other people’s bullshit — a lot of which had to do with the wedding.
Most of the changes that occurred were ultimately good for me. At least, that’s how I choose to look at them. All of the changes, though, required me to get out of my comfort zone in order to figure out what was right for me. I’ve always been a risktaker, but this year felt especially poignant. Keep reading »
How’s this for a nightmare scenario: a friend is over and suddenly thrusts a beautifully-wrapped gift in your face and you had no idea she was expecting to exchange presents. Or your family agreed to just give presents to the children this year, but your showoff-y sister just arrived with handmade DIY presents for everybody. Quick, it’s time to take a peek around the house for last-minute things you can re-gift! Keep reading »
I loooove the holidays. But that doesn’t make the lead-up any less of a bitch. The older I get, the more I find how unforgiving this season can be. When I was a little girl, I never understood why some of the grown-ups in my life seemed to dread it so much.
An English professor once told me that the biggest theme of my life is trying to resist disillusionment even though the world makes no effort to hide what an ugly, unfair place it can be. Call me melodramatic, but is there any better way to describe the typical struggle we face when it comes to getting through the holidays? On the surface, it’s a happy, cheerful time of year. We want to enjoy it, but on the other hand, it’s pretty damn treacherous. Spending time in close quarters with family members that you only see once a year is stressful. So is the pressure to pick out the perfect gifts, to be a great hostess, and to somehow make your bank account survive it all. Keep reading »
I’ve always liked The Washington Post‘s advice columnist Amy Dickinson, AKA “Dear Amy,” but after reading her recent response to a homophobic parent, I LOVE her. Here’s the letter:
DEAR AMY: I recently discovered that my son, who is 17, is a homosexual. We are part of a church group and I fear that if people in that group find out they will make fun of me for having a gay child. He won’t listen to reason, and he will not stop being gay. I feel as if he is doing this just to get back at me for forgetting his birthday for the past three years — I have a busy work schedule. Please help him make the right choice in life by not being gay. He won’t listen to me, so maybe he will listen to you. — Feeling Betrayed
Ugh, right? But don’t worry, Amy’s response is on point: Keep reading »
Warning: if you are literally stuck in a paper bag and can’t figure out how to get out, please stop reading right now and call for help. If you are stuck in a paper bag as in you “don’t know your ass from your elbow,” are having an “existential crisis” or are “stuck in a rut” and can’t figure out how to get unstuck, you should probably keep reading.
I heard recently the saying “stuck in a rut” originally came from farmers who would drive their tractors down the same route in dirt every day and after a while, the tractor wheels would build up a significant groove, or rut, that would eventually become too high for the tractor wheels to jump. When a tractor got stuck in this rut, it would require many super strong people to hoist the heavy machinery up and move it in a different direction so that it could forge a new path. In this metaphor YOU are the tractor. But I’m sure you knew that. Keep reading »
Why couldn’t Rookie have existed when I was a teenager? All of us screwed up 20- and 30-somethings would have had a better chance at life if we could have asked Tig Notaro for life advice. Here she is doing a segment of “Ask A Grown Woman,” sharing self-confidence tips in regards to her recent mastectomy and her philosophy that what’s most attractive to people is when you own who you really are. (True, by the way.) It gets pretty heavy at the end when she answers a question from a girl who just lost her mother — Tig’s own mother died suddenly recently — but it’s exactly what most of us need to hear. Listen and learn, girls of all ages. [Rookie]
In the last six years that I’ve worked full-time on ye olde internet, blogging about, amongst other things, TV, there is one particularly common directive I’ve heard in our comments section, via email and on Facebook and Twitter that drives me absolutely bat shit nuts: “NO SPOILERS!!!” I suspect that this isn’t going to earn me much fan mail, but I can’t take it anymore, I just have to say it: If a TV show is spoiled for you, chances are pretty goddamn good it’s your own fault and, well, I have very little sympathy for your plight. Sorry! Rather than telling the rest of the internet — which is full of people who, unfortunately, do not know you or particularly care about you — “NO SPOILERS” and expecting them to contort themselves to whatever your viewing timeline happens to be, I suggest you take the following precautions: Keep reading »
This weekend in the New York Times Social Q’s column, a woman wrote in to inquire about how to handle a ruthless grandma who is obsessed with her six-month-old granddaughter’s weight:
My husband and I have a beautiful 6-month-old daughter. She is chubby but not overweight by any means. My mother-in-law, who obviously has a weight obsession and is quite thin, has started making comments about my daughter’s size: “I can’t believe her legs are so big when she kicks all the time.” Or: “She’ll thin out when she starts to crawl.” My husband knows that these comments bother me, but he will not address them with her. I want to protect my daughter from her grandmother’s damaging and unhealthy fixation with weight. What should I do?
Okay, what kind of sick person body snarks a six-month-old baby? I don’t have kids, so I might be wrong about this, but aren’t babies supposed to be fat? I did not know that having a fat six-month-old was a problem you could have. Keep reading »
Meet our friend Tom. He’s a married guy with tons of relationship experience, and a skilled advice giver who’s here to answer all your pressing sex, dating and relationship questions. Have a query for Tom? Email him! All questions will be posted anonymously, unless otherwise requested. First up…
I’m 32 and married with two young children. Recently I reconnected with one of my best friends from 20 years ago online. We have always had strong feelings for each other and after high school checked in on each other a few times throughout the years. But because we’ve always been with other people, we respected those boundaries. He has always been verbal about his feeling though I haven’t. We have been able to talk to each other like no one else. In February I went to visit him and the feelings were too intense for both of us. We talked everyday, he repeatedly told me he loved me and wanted to know did I love him (although he is also married with two kids). Eventually it got physical. We had a conversation once about him not wanting to hurt anyone else involved … he says there were are so many people who could get hurt if we were to leave our spouses (which is what I wanted). I asked him to just for once consider our feelings, because we never have, and for a few weeks it was great. Then the last time I saw him we had sex. He called me 30 minutes later to tell me how much he loved me and hasn’t returned a call or email since then. I just want him to tell me that he fell out of love, or he thinks we were in the wrong. Or whatever the reason was … Why won’t he at least do that? If you could see the look in his eyes when he told me he loved me, I know he wasn’t lying. I’m still in love with him. He knows I have never ever cheated before and I only did it because it was him. How do I get over this? Why would a man just disappear from someone he loves and should I expect him to come back? Please help me.
Dude, this is brutal.
Keep reading »
When it comes to female friendships, subtlety, nuance and innuendo are everything. We’ve tried to explain this to the men in our lives but they never seem to understand. They’ll say something like, “Well, if Jane was a bitch to you at brunch last weekend, why are you going to dinner with her tonight?” You’ll sigh and then go on for 20 minutes about how you’ve known her since you were 11 and her mom died when she was in high school and that screwed her up. But she makes you laugh your ass off most of the time … when she’s not being passive aggressive as all get out. In the end, you love her and would be devastated if you never talked to her again. So you’re basically going to have to suck it up whatever put downs she might hurl your way at dinner. Keep reading »