â€œFirst dateâ€ – two simple words that can send shivers up anyoneâ€™s spine, much like the words â€œjob interview.â€ When you think about it, there isnâ€™t much of a difference between the two, except one involves cocktails and palpable sexual tension. I have no idea where that old adage â€œYou are what you eatâ€ came from, because the truth is, â€œYou are what you wear.â€ Clothes speak volumes and no matter what, they will always prompt judgments from others. Chances are, the person youâ€™re into isnâ€™t going to notice how perfectly your bangles play into the boho-chic vibe you were going for, or how you expertly coordinated your makeup shades to play up the metallic sheen outlining your top. Guys donâ€™t notice the details, but they do see the overall big picture. Here are some general tips to follow before any date, after the jump… Keep reading »
“What’s the best way to exit an awkward morning-after?” — Pullin’ The Slip in Akron, OH
Planning a hit and run? The best way to get out of dodge is usually the most obvious. Tell your boy-toy you’ve got plans. If it’s a weekday, tell him you’ve got an early work meeting. If it’s a weekend, tell him you’ve got brunch plans with your girlfriends. If you’re not into this guy, be sure you don’t sugarcoat the goodbye speech, or you could get a stage-five clinger. Try not to say things like, “I’ve got to go, but I really want you to call me.” Or, “I’ve got to run but I’d love to see what our kids would look like.” If he tries to ask for your number on the way out and you don’t want to talk to him again, use the same line girls have been hearing for years: tell him you had a really nice time last night, but you’re just getting over somebody and aren’t ready to start something new. You might break his little heart…but at least you won’t have to break your phone.
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We take Dear Abby’s advice with a grain of salt, but this doozie takes the cake. “Enraged In Rochester” writes that during a visit to his family’s home, he and his wife slept in separate bedrooms. “The next day, while we were driving home, Marybeth told me she was glad I had come to her room after all and made love to her.” But! “Abby, it wasn’t me! She had mistaken one of my brothers for me in the darkness. We are all about the same size and build.” Furthermore, none of his brothers has ‘fessed up to the crime and Enraged hasn’t told his wife that he wasn’t her midnight caller.
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“Can you really not get preggers if you have sex on the last days of your period?” — Hating Condoms, Cleveland, OH
How many times have you heard an “Oops” story? Every Christmas there’s always that relative that drinks too much eggnog and says something like, “You know, Larry was a mistake. We were done having kids. We wanted to go to Bermuda.” I’m sure if Larry was a lawyer and not still living with his mother, she wouldn’t say that. But you get my drift.
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I really enjoy having sex once I’m having it, but I don’t think I have much sex drive in general — I never am the one to initiate sex with my husband, even though he’d like me too. It just never occurs to me. Once he puts the moves on though, I’m all for it. Is there any way I can ramp up my sex drive so that I can be more spontaneously horny for him? — Half-Heartedly Lazy, San Diego, CA
Lack of sex drive in women is way more common than you think. Doctors estimate almost 43% of women suffer from a low libido, with psychological and physical factors to blame. Before you figure out how to become hornier for your man, you need to figure out why you’re not in the mood. Physically, factors that can decrease your sexual desire are alcoholism, anemia, and hormone deficiencies. Psychologically, women who tend to have a lack of sex drive can be depressed, stressed, or suffering from past sexual issues (such as rape) or childhood hang-ups.
If you think you might be suffering from any of these factors, make an appointment with your doctor so he can give you his recommendations. In the meantime, start thinking of different fantasies when you’re away from your husband (work, running errands, etc.), and treat yourself to something lacy and naughty (and expensive!). Then, schedule a time in your mind when you want to get busy. A lot of times women get more turned on when they know when they’re going to have sex. Spontaneity can be just as hot when it’s planned!
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“Some guys can have sex several times in a row, while others need a few hours in between sessions. What might account for this variation, and is there a way for guys to make it so that they can increase not only stamina during sex, but decrease the amount of recovery time they need in between sessions?” — Ready For Another Round, Boston, MA
The better men eat, the better their stamina. Getting an erection (and using it) takes a lot of nutrients and blood, so men should eat lots of healthy whole grain carbs to provide energy. Zinc (which helps produce testosterone and sperm) is a good supplement to take, but you can also find it in lots of different seafoods, peas and lentils.
One time, over a very awkward lunch, my mom told me my dad took the “blue pill” (Viagra), and went on for hours over and over again. I can’t describe it, but the look on her face was not a smile. Still, if you’re not interested in trying the natural route, you can always suggest that your partner take a prescription supplement. Or, if you’re cheap, that Horny Goat Weed they sell at the corner deli.
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“I’m prone to UTIs. Is it possible for my husband to get them too? Every time I’m on the verge, he claims to get tingly and itchy too.” — Itchy & Scratchy, Atlanta, GA
For those of you not in med school, UTI’s (Urinary Tract Infections) happen when bacteria get into the bladder or kidney and multiply in the urine. While most UTIs are caused by bacteria, a good portion of them are also caused by allergies to foods, latex condoms, spermicides, or oral contraceptives. Keep reading »
My husband and I have tried having wall sex and shower sex (facing each other, missionary-style, etc.) and I think they make it look much hotter in the movies. Either that or my quads are just weak – what exercises will improve the fun of sex standing up? — Unstable in Boston, MA
I don’t know about you ladies, but I’ve got one position I do (and do it well). I don’t call it missionary, I don’t call it wheelbarrow, I call it lay on my back while my boyfriend does all the work. Sure, I’ll put my legs behind my head sometimes; I’ll even gyrate a little. The point is, zero muscles are being used and I like it. But all good things must come to an end, or change, and we’ve got to switch it up sometimes. Shower sex, sex against the wall or doorway, and all other sex standing up does take training. Here’s a few of my favorite exercises for getting into “sex” shape:
Squats (with free weights): Hold the weights (I normally do 5 lbs) down by your thighs. With your feet shoulder-width apart and flat on the floor, squat down until your thighs are parallel to the floor. Return to a standing position. Repeat until you can’t take it anymore.
Jump Rope: Trainers say this is one of the best exercises for building calf muscles. If you jump for twenty minutes (doing whatever variations are fun for you) those suckers are gonna burn.
Spin class: People make fun of me for raving about my spin class, but it works. Yeah, you’re gonna be subjected to the latest Bee Gees remix and yeah, you feel like you might die 30 minutes in, but when I do it consistently, my legs look like they belong to a Ugandan runner.
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Thereâ€™s only one thing I hate about being single: the constant stream of relationship advice I didnâ€™t even ask for. I have a degree, plenty of relationship experience, a body that just wonâ€™t quit, and a tube of red lipstick — I am well equipped to survive in the wilderness that is the dating scene. Yet everyone wants to jump in on the action, from my married friends who mean well to magazine relationship experts. And, by the way, the advice is always the same: “Empower yourself so you can attract a man to latch onto.” The latest to dispense this advice is Time Out New York and their resident dating “expert” Julia Allison (you non-New Yorkers may recognize her as a talking head on CNN and Fox News). The magazine’s “Singles Issue” promises that if you let someone Photoshop and style you, you can attract a mate someday — all aspects of Allison’s marketing (yourself) plan. Other nuggets of advice after the jump. Keep reading »
Q: My dog constantly barks when I’m having sex. It’s so annoying and a bit of a turn-off and I don’t know what to do. If I put him in another room he barks even louder. My guy recommended we keep the puppy on the bed with us during the act but that kind of creeps me out. Is it weird that my guy is cool with that? — Sick Of The Yelping, New York, NY
A: Blugh. I just shuddered at my desk. Puppies and sex? I can think of a ton of things that go better together. Vanilla and chocolate, peas and carrots, margaritas and tacos. Life is too short to mix gross things like puppies and sex. Now that you know I’m a prude who doesn’t think Lassie and fellatio go together, I feel confident telling you it’s a little weird your boyfriend wants to keep him on the bed. With that being said, I can also see how guys can be clueless. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say it’s more of the “duh” factor with your man, as opposed to the “Holy crap, I’m dating a freak!” factor.
You should talk to your boyfriend and tell him that it bothers you. Sit him down and compare the dog to your fictional child for a bit. Tell him the dog is part of the family and that allowing him to watch is the equivalent of a kid seeing his parents doing it — though definitely use the “f” word, because that will get the point across. Then you should immediately look into a trainer or get some books on how to stop your dog from barking. I’m no pet expert, but I think training the dog to not bark while you’re doing the deed is a better solution than letting him watch the action. Now, if the dog still wants to watch, go ahead and make the bitch pay for it. That kind of entertainment doesn’t come for free. Keep reading »