Tag Archives: advice

Keepin’ It Classy: Can I Back Out On Being A Bridesmaid?

SimchaMay 18, 2009 //

This week, I received a letter from a woman who’s having commitment issues about her friend’s wedding. Here’s what she has to say about her cold feet:

“I met up with my old college roommate to celebrate her engagement. Although I hadn’t seen her in years, when she asked me to be a bridesmaid, I totally said yes. Clearly, I was drunk. The worst part is, now I’m remembering what a control freak she is. I’ve pretended to give a hoot at countless dress fittings and didn’t even complain that the dresses she picked for us were hid and $500. But now she wants her bachelorette party to be a week long vacay in Vegas. I’m not made of moolah, or time off from work. I know this is like the most special day of her life. But it’s not mine and I want out! Can I quit? She’s already driving me crazy and her wedding isn’t til October. I do still want to be her friend, just once her bridezilla days are over.”

Keep reading »

Why Parents Shouldn’t Facebook

Wendy AtterberryMay 11, 2009 //

For many of us, the rise in popularity of social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter means we’re rubbing elbows with family members more often than for Sunday night dinner. Maybe it’s not so strange when it’s a cousin or sister whose lives we’re getting a unique, new peek into, but when our moms and dads start signing up, things have the potential to get awkward. Take, for example, the story of a 19-year-old girl who wrote to Slate’s resident advice columnist, Prudence, after she discovered that her 50-year-old mom had reconnected with an old boyfriend via Facebook. Keep reading »

Notes To Our Younger Selves

Wendy AtterberryMay 6, 2009 //

Last week, The Guardian published a heartfelt letter that writer Stephen Fry had penned to his 16-year-old self in which he wrote : “Tears splash on to my keyboard now. I am perhaps happier now than I have ever been and yet I cannot but recognize that I would trade all that I am to be you, the eternally unhappy, nervous, wild, wondering and despairing 16-year-old Stephen: angry, angst-ridden and awkward but alive. Because you know how to feel, and knowing how to feel is more important than how you feel. Deadness of soul is the only unpardonable crime, and if there is one thing happiness can do it is mask deadness of soul.” Hundreds of readers responded to the letter with notes to their own 16-year-old selves, warning of everything from fast-approaching baldness, unfulfilled dreams, and death of friends and family. Some gave advice: “Marry that fab posh girl in about three years, not seven. Life’s too short to wait, but any sooner will freak her out.” Others gave hints of good things to come: “Amazingly, not only will you get a boyfriend but he is lovely and you will live together in London on the other side of the world.” What would you say to your 16-year-old self? After the jump, a letter to myself at half the age I am now — and, yes, that makes me 32. Keep reading »

Can We Sue My Hubby’s Ex To Pay For His Vasectomy Reversal?

Amelia McDonell-ParryMay 1, 2009 //

Slate’s “Dear Prudence” gets the best letters. This week, “Wishing I’d Got to Him First” wrote in, asking for advice about reversing her husband’s vasectomy. You see, her husband was married before, and his ex-wife “required” him to get his tubes cut because she did not want children. Then, she left him for another man. Now, “Wishing” is married to a man who can’t give her kids, and she wants them — bad.

“We’ve looked into having my husband’s vasectomy reversed, but the cost is prohibitive—around $15,000—and the procedure is not covered by health insurance. Would it be appropriate to approach Leanne or pursue her in civil court to recoup the cost of the procedure?”

Keep reading »

Should She Confront Her Date Rapist Via Facebook?

Amelia McDonell-ParryMarch 26, 2009 //

An interesting, if disturbing question has been posed to Cary Tennis at Salon. “Want Him To Know” writes:

“Recently while I was on Facebook, the man who date-raped me in college showed up as ‘people you might know.’… I never filed charges, never told people for years afterward, and didn’t even think of it as rape until five years ago. But now that I think about it, it infuriates me that he was able to victimize me without consequences. I don’t want to bring legal action, or shame him publicly, but I do want him to understand what he did was wrong. I’d like an apology…. Should I attempt to contact him, or just let bygones be bygones? Honestly, I could take it or leave it. My only worry is that he will think date rape is OK.”

Tennis’ advice is lacking, despite being nearly 300 words long — see a rape counselor! Probably wise, but it doesn’t really address her desire to know that the person who date raped her doesn’t do it again. So what do you guys think? Should “Want Him To Know” get in touch with the person in question? Should she move on? Or do you think that any response he gives her wouldn’t give her the peace she desires? Tell us your thoughts in the comments! Maybe she reads The Frisky… Keep reading »

Seven Ways To End A Relationship

Wendy AtterberryMarch 17, 2009 //

A recent article from Men’s Health lays out 16 ways a guy can save his relationship with his lady, most of which are remarkably idiotic. While I agree that talking to your girlfriend rather than you best buddy about your relationship (#8) is probably a good idea, I’m worried that the other 15 suggestions are just leading men down long, lonely roads of cold shoulders and sexless nights. After the jump, a few of the so-called relationship-savers that sound especially destructive. Keep reading »

Friend Custody: Who Gets Whom After A Breakup?

DivineCaroline.comJanuary 28, 2009 //

One of the things I love about being in a relationship is that my friend circle multiplies. But what happens to those newly formed friendships when the relationship ends? For example, recently two of my friends who were in a couple broke up and it’s been awkward ever since. Where we used to all go out together once or twice a month, now I have to split time between them, and I have the nagging feeling that I’m cheating when I hang out with one and not the other. After driving myself crazy for a few weeks (Do I talk about or avoid the subject? Partake in talk about the ex or awkwardly change the subject when it comes up?), I sought some advice on dealing with the joint-friends breakup — who keeps whom? And does it really have to come down to that? Keep reading »

Making A Fresh Start In The New Year

DivineCaroline.comJanuary 21, 2009 //

No matter how charmed (or challenging) life can be, the new year always seems to startle us into finding ways to make it better. Remember that trying to make too many changes at once may be so overwhelming that we quit before even getting started. But choosing one really important goal is doable, right? What is a must for you in 2009? Maybe you want to find a new love. Maybe your goal is a leaner, stronger body. Or, maybe your inner fashionista is calling for a new curly hairstyle, revamped wardrobe or makeup makeover. Whatever you choose, making it happen will take a little soul-bearing honesty and a lot of action. Here are a few ways we can all get started on our resolutions as we ring in the new year. And keep them. Keep reading »

Should He Tell His Father He Slept With His Stepmother?

Susannah BreslinJanuary 16, 2009 //

Slate advice columnist Dear Prudence got a doozy in her mailbag this week. A son wants to know if he should tell his father that he carried on an affair with his stepmother for years. Karma’s Bitch Boy writes: “When I was 17, Mom and Stepdad had to move to another city, so I moved in with Dad and Stepmom. My father’s new wife was a much younger and very attractive woman. The atmosphere was more relaxed than in my previous home. So much so that my stepmom (she’s about 15 years older) and I developed an attraction and started an affair.” Gulp! When Dad was out of town, son and stepmom got it on a couple times a month. The affair continued when Karma Boy went off to college and after; finally, he ended it two years ago. Now, his father is divorcing his stepmother for cheating on him — with somebody else — and his stepmother has informed him that unless he gets his father to concede on a financial matter that’s beneficial to her, she’s going to tell his father about their affair. Prudie advises the son tell his father what he’s done. What do you think he should do? [Slate] Keep reading »

Intervention: When BFs and BFFs Don’t Mix

DivineCaroline.comJanuary 13, 2009 //

“Thank God you’re not with him anymore.” My friend rolled her eyes. “I don’t know how you dated him.”

Whoa. What? My friend’s distaste for my now ex-boyfriend was news to me. How my family and friends feel about the person I’m dating is almost as important as how I feel about him. So if my ex had been so unpopular with my inner circle, why hadn’t someone said something before?

Whether or not to clue a friend or family member into the fact that her significant other is lazy, noncommittal, mean, a couple sandwiches short of a picnic, or dealing something shady out of his basement can be a delicate situation, but it doesn’t have to end your relationship. Keep reading »

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