Three years ago I became pregnant with my son and the father was my then-boyfriend. The day I told him I was pregnant, he hit the road and I didn’t hear from him until my son was three weeks old. He stuck around for a month and then hit the road again, just as quickly as he came back. Since then, the only contact I’ve had with him is via e-mail, until he decided to delete that e-mail address so I could no longer contact him. He is a doctor, not just some deadbeat with no money, so finding him is relatively easy. Over the past two and a half years, he’s pulled some extremely hurtful moves and it goes without saying that I obviously hate him. Well the past few months, I’ve been having tons of dreams about him, where we secretly get back together even though we know it’s wrong. We’re flirty, happy, lovey dovey, having fun, and hanging out with friends like we used to. When I wake up, I feel sick about the idea of ever being romantic or even friendly towards him again. I’m also mad at myself for having these dreams and letting him have any control over me whatsoever, even in my subconscious. Why am I having dreams about him and what do they mean? —Bedbeat

Sure, the holidays are filled with great food, fun parties, and general good cheer (I was at a crowded Macy’s yesterday, and I wasn’t shoved once!), but for a lot of people, this is anything but the most wonderful time of year. Those of us in periods of transition—even positive ones—are especially susceptible to the feelings of loneliness, frustration, depression, and the stress the holidays can elicit. After the jump, a few tips for surviving the holidays during some of life’s biggest transitions.

Check out this question sent to the Washington Post‘s Style Editor:

“Dear Carolyn: So I’ve been casually dating this guy from work. There’s so much chemistry between us, he’s funny and smart, and I think I’m starting to fall for him. But something he said at dinner irked me—he made some comment about how un-sexy sweat pants are, and how if the person he’s dating ever wears them, it’s a ‘dealbreaker.’ Well, so far he’s never seen me in sweat pants. But I wear them; they’re comfortable around the house. I asked, ‘What if a person is feeling sick or just lounging around their apartment?’ He made a grimace that said, ‘Still not okay.’ I just feel unsettled now. He does pay a lot of attention to what I wear and suggests clothes that will make me look better. Personal quirk or red flag?”

Yikes! We’ll say this: It’s definitely a dealbreaker for us when A) a dude tries to tell us what to wear and B) any man, woman, child or beast attempts to deprive us of sweet, sweet sweat-pant-ed lounging sessions. So much more advice, after the jump.

Ah, first dates. So nerve-wracking. If only you knew exactly what was going to happen, then you could plan out everything in advance. But first dates are kind of like playing the lottery. You gotta be in it to win it, but sometimes you end up empty-handed. If you’re a woman, you know these sort of situations don’t always go so smoothly. If you’re a guy, here are 10 tips that can make the first date easier on all of us.

Sometimes dating is pure joy—basking in the thrill of meeting a potential Mr. Right can be exciting and energizing. But other times, dating is a chore. It’s discouraging—after so many people you should have clicked with someone by now, right? How come your relationships don’t last—or never even get started?

Ah, men. So endearing. So easily confused. We know we women aren’t the easiest people in the world to figure out, and it’s all too easy for a guy to open his mouth and say something that’s an instant dealbreaker. Whether the subject is sex, weight, or love, here are a few lines that should send you ladies running for the hills if you hear them from your dude. Feel free to add yours in the comments!

He’s the perfect height. He has perfect hands. You love his sister. You love his scent. How can you be with someone who doesn’t know how to play the tuba? Or speak French? He is perfect and everything about him is perfect by association. The problem is he doesn’t want to be with you. And now you’re never going to find love again. Right? Wrong. Here is what you need to remember:

Not to beat this story dead, but a commenter pointed out that the “Friend Or Foe” letter writer has responded to Lucinda Rosenfeld’s advice—on Double X! Here’s a portion of what she wrote and we would like to say, “YOU GO GIRL.”

“For the record, I really was roofied, ma’am. The idea that I must provide you with a tox screen to prove it is galling ... But in the end, I don’t need your advice after all—I figured it out all by myself. Ten years of friendship is a long time, but I was clinging to an institution and a bond that these women abandoned years ago. Perhaps we continued to see each other socially because it was easier than forging new bonds. I’m not sure. For now, these women might be in my social circle due to our vast network of mutual friends, but they are certainly not the close confidantes I once thought I had. P.S. The day I rely more on a boyfriend than on a best girlfriend is the day I lose hope for womankind.”

[Double X]

Writer Lucinda Rosenfeld is in big-time trouble with internet commenters! The author of I’m So Happy For You writes an advice column for Double X called “Friend Or Foe” and her advice to a recent letter writer has commenters calling for her termination. So what was the dilemma and her supposedly awful advice? Let’s begin with the conundrum.

Annika’s post this week about the difficulty in making friends as a grown-up got such a huge response, I thought it warranted a reply here. Who knew so many of us had a friend shortage? Well, as someone who grew up on the move — I lived in 10 different homes in four different countries on three different continents before the age of 18 — my friend-making skills were constantly put to test. As a result, I learned some tips that have served me well as an adult well beyond college, when making friends was as easy as swinging a 6-pack within a 5-mile radius of campus. After reading through all 60+ comments (and counting) on yesterday’s post, I’ve compiled some of the best reader advice as well as some of my own favorite tips for making new friends, after the jump.

I’m tall. I mean, I’m really tall. And I don’t mean 5’10” tall. I’m 6’1”. That’s ridiculously tall. Kermit the Frog once said: “It’s not easy being green.” Well, it’s not easy being a tall woman, either. Among the more common pickup lines we tall ladies hear: “Do you play basketball?” (No.) “What’s the weather like up there?” (Icy.) “I’d like to climb you.” (Really, I’d rather you wouldn’t.) While some women think being tall is something worth writing a book about, other women perceive it to be a disability equivalent to a clubfoot. Mostly, it’s a blessing and a curse. I can reach the highest shelves, but I’ll never blend into the crowd. Dating? That’s a whole other story. For guys who admire amazons, here’s how to bag a tall chick.

Our guys reveal what to do and what not to do on a first date ...

I’ve (11/11/79) recently begun hanging out with the brother of an old friend (11/21/77)and what started as a ball-busting friendship is turning into an intense sexual attraction. We tend to have those conversations that potentially evolve into amazing earth-shattering sex punctuated by laughter and general awesomeness. We’ve both admitted that we feel uncommonly comfortable with each other and we’re sometimes brutally honest. Here’s the issue: right now neither one of us is in a place where we feel able to give a relationship our attention. He’s facing a MAJOR career-altering event in two months (hopefully once in a lifetime event), and I need a few weeks after school ends to get my s**t together after a career-altering and uncommonly stressful year. (I’m a teacher and grad student.) We both need lots of sex, and a primarily sexual relationship is OK with me for the foreseeable future. The problem is that we have an awesome connection, and I’m afraid I will get all dramatic in a few months if it has to end. I hate drama and he’s one of my best friends at the moment.  I do not deal very well with uncertainty about this kind of stuff, which is probably why I am frequently single and a frequent battery-buyer. I like being in control, but I have never wanted to lose control more in my life. —Sex Starved

Want workout and nutritional advice from Heidi Montag? (How very Elizabeth Hasselbeck of her.) Yeah me neither. But apparently Mrs. Pratt doesn’t care what we want—she’s once again unleashing her Playboy-rific bod on the world in a new workout DVD. The plan is to also offer such unheard of and novel nutritional advice like: Avoid all “white” foods, fill up on lean meats, green veggies, apples, berries, blah blah blah.  (Oh, and for the record, “Heidi loves steak!”—only if it’s grass-fed, though.) I wonder if she’ll recommend her plastic surgeon along with all this talk of 90 minute five day-a-week workouts? [People]

If you’ve thumbed through an issue of Maxim magazine or Men’s Health anytime in the last twenty-five years, you’ve probably read a few pointers on how to properly compliment a woman. Personally, I think these lists can be a little too vague, and quite honestly, a little lame. For example, one list I read recently said, “When you meet someone interesting, commend her on her wit or intelligence—not her beautiful breasts.” That someone actually felt compelled to remind men not to compliment breasts at first sight shocked me. Don’t all guys know not to do this?

A long time ago, right before I met the man who would become my husband, I dated a guy named Gary,* a new-age rocket scientist who excelled in many things, including the art of self-promotion.

I remember that cold February night, a week before Valentine’s Day, when we were driving in his car. He had played his guitar and sung songs at his church that day and was giving me the post-mortem on his performance.

Over at the Sundance Channel’s SUNfiltered blog, Em & Lo offer up some truly original sex advice just in time for Father’s Day. It’s the sex advice your dad gave you—without meaning to. After the jump, a few of the best. Then add yours in the comments!

Heya, Georgie, we hear congrats is in order—you’re shacking up with your newest girlfriend! Dude, you’re living the dream, you so are. Actually, hold up. Is she a cocktail waitress? And is this the waitress that you met in Vegas? Or the one that you met in South Beach? You certainly have a type, we’ll give you that. Those red-headed, Barbie-measurement, Ph.D-types out there don’t stand a chance. But really, was that you I saw rocking the slurred facial expressions after another night out? And was that you, surrounded by chicks less than half your age?

This week in “Keepin’ It Classy,” I received a letter from a lady who is trying to get back out onto the dating scene, but she’s confused about current social mores:

“I’m recently single and although I’m not quite yet ready to mingle, I do want to go out with my old girlfriends. Now that I have so much free time, I thought that it would make my social life easier, but it totally hasn’t. I’m so used to just hanging out at home with my man or making couple plans, that I don’t know what the protocol for an average date with the girls is. When did I get this lame? If I want to make plans day of, can I text two friends at the same time to see what they’re doing? Or do I have to wait for one to respond first? Making plans to hang out with friends is even tougher than dating!”