Tag Archives: advice column

Make It Stop: “My Friends’ Social Media Updates Are Making Me Depressed”

Make It Stop: "My Friends' Social Media Updates Are Making Me Depressed"

I feel like a bad friend. My friends seem so successful and I feel like I’m stalling. All I see are updates about marriages, babies, pregnancies, I feel like I can’t keep up. How do I not feel so terrible about it?

Social media is a tool, not a reflection of real life. Like airbrushed models on the cover of “Vogue,” the images and status updates you see posted from friends, family, frenemies and exes are carefully edited to convey a particular narrative. They can be things like, “I’m so in love with my husband!” or “I’m so happy in my new graduate program!” or ““I’m so #blessed!” Keep reading »

Make It Stop: “My Boyfriend Doesn’t Care About Spending Birthdays Or Holidays Together!”

I moved into my boyfriend’s place before we were dating as a stepping stone while I transferred my life from west coast to east coast. Having lived together before we started dating and still living together, our relationship is at an escalated pace, which makes it confusing for me. His birthday is coming up right before Christmas, and when I brought up planning celebrations I was shocked. My boyfriend does not think it is important that I be at his birthday party or that we spend holidays together. He strongly believes that there is no need to spend the holidays away from your own family. I am struggling with this because, I think when you are in a committed relationship, living together and in love, you should spend the holidays together, perhaps alternating whose family you spend the holidays with. Am I expecting too much, or should I cut my losses?

Whew. I need to take a deep breath to unpack this all. Keep reading »

Make It Stop: “My Roommate Treats Me Like Her Own Personal Dishwasher”

Make It Stop: "My Roommate Treats Me Like Her Own Personal Dishwasher"

Make It Stop is a new weekly column in which Anna Goldfarb — the blogger behind Shmitten Kitten and Shlooby Kitten — tells you what’s up. Want a fresh take on a stinky dilemma? Email anna@shmittenkitten.com with the subject “Make It Stop.” She’ll make it all better, or at least make you laugh. Girl Scout’s honor.

My father recently passed away. In addition to the emotional strain, I am overwhelmed by assignments and underwhelmed by uncooperative professors. I’m really not in a position to be cleaning dishes all the time, but more and more I find that’s what I’m doing. Keep reading »

Make It Stop: “My Co-Worker Keeps Stealing My Ideas!”

Make It Stop: "My Co-Worker Keeps Stealing My Ideas!"

In the last few months, I’ve noticed a coworker passing off my ideas as her own. (We work on advertising creative.) Sometimes the ideas came from conversations we had together, but that she then ran off and presented as just hers. Another time, I’m pretty percent sure she overheard me having a brainstorming session with another colleague, snagged one of ideas and pitched it for an entirely different project so we couldn’t use it. It’s frustrating because her tactics are underhanded and passive aggressive and difficult to prove, and I almost think she doesn’t believe she’s doing anything wrong. Any ideas about how to approach this? I’m not looking to fight, but it’s pissing me off seeing her get accolades for ideas we either came up with together or that she stole from me. Thanks!

Does she do this to other co-workers? Or do you feel singled out, like she’s snatching your brilliance as soon as the words are formed out loud? Keep reading »

Make It Stop: “An Old (Married!) Friend From High School Is Putting The Moves On Me On Social Media”

Make It Stop: "An Old (Married!) Friend From High School Is Putting The Moves On Me On Social Media"

I’m in a happy, committed relationship. I just reconnected with a friend from high school who has a spouse and a daughter, and although it was fun to hang out, immediately after we did so, he started flirting with me and talking about how he had feelings for me in high school. It’s clear that he still does, and that’s fine, but I don’t have any feelings for him — or anyone but my boyfriend! Now I feel like I have to avoid him, but he keeps trying to talk to me on social media. What do I do?

There’s no need to jeopardize your happy relationship over some dud’s lame attempt at a cheap ego boost. You could block him, or unfriend him, or do nothing. I love doing nothing as a response because it’s easy and free! Eventually he’ll get the hint.

You could be direct and say, “I’m not interested. Please stop,” but I don’t want to make it more dramatic than it needs to be.

As for me, depending on how comfortable with him, I’d probably make a joke out of it. Like next time you see him out and he starts chatting you up, give him some sass. Keep reading »

Make It Stop: “I Feel Like My Chances Of Finding Love Are Hopeless”

Make It Stop: "I Feel Like My Chances Of Finding Love Are Hopeless"

I’m 31 years old and I’ve never been in relationship, nor have I ever been in love.  I look at couples — married, cohabiting, dating — and I’m so envious of their ability to open up and create something with another person. Sometimes I feel like I’m too broken to even be considered by the universe to find love. I’ve never suffered any emotional or mental trauma that would provoke these thoughts, but I wonder if it’s self-preservation. I feel as though I’ve put myself out there, but each time I’m unsuccessful. Any advice for someone feeling a little hopeless?

The bad news: your attitude need an adjustment. The good news: adjusting your attitude is free! Instead of telling yourself that you’re a failure, correct that narrative in your head and say that you just haven’t found the right person yet, which is totally okay and super normal. Keep reading »

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