I’ve gotten myself into a miserable situation with a good friend, who I’ll call Dave. We’ve known each other since we were kids and as we’ve gotten older, we’ve become close. I’ve always felt there was something more to us, but was never really sure, so I chalked it up to being bored with the lack of romance in my life. About a year ago, Dave made it obvious that he felt the same. The fact that we had been drinking and that he was recently single made me think that it wasn’t the best idea at the time. I explained that if our hookup wasn’t going to be anything substantial, it wasn’t worth risking our friendship over and he (glumly) agreed. The only problem is, he hasn’t dropped the idea. He’s now in a serious relationship but he still brings the idea of “us” up from time to time and at this point I have no idea what to do. I care about him a lot, more than I’ve been able to admit to anyone because I’m terrified that it could lead to something ending terribly. My girlfriends have told me that this situation is a waste of time, that if he really wanted to be with me he would and I wouldn’t be in this limbo and that I need to move on. They also say that if he talks to me like this while he’s in a relationship, is he even trustworthy? While my head thinks they could be right, my heart is torn. I worry that they’re right, but the thought of not being close with him anymore is devastating. How do I make this stop?
You talk a lot about your fears, but, honey, your fears are already happening.
You said you’re afraid of risking the friendship. Once mutual attraction was openly discussed, the friendship was compromised. You said you’re afraid of it ending terribly. Well, it doesn’t sound like it’s going that great right now, otherwise you wouldn’t have written me. Lastly, you said you’re afraid of not being close to him. It sounds like there’s already heavy distrust and mixed signals flying around left and right. Welcome to your nightmare! Keep reading »
I read Jessica Wakeman’s piece, “True Story: Married…With A Roommate
,” and I totally related to it. Except in my case, I’m the roommate who lives with a couple and it’s not my best friend who’s shacking up with a dude, it’s my younger sister letting her deadbeat boyfriend stay at the apartment we share. While Jessica talked with regret about how the strain of the living situation ended their friendship, I don’t want the same fate with my sister, who I’ll call Polly. She’s been dating Derek for eight months, six of which he’s been at our place. He’s in a band so he should be on tour a good portion of the year, but the band is recording so he’s been crashing with us non-stop. He’s a nice guy, I guess, but unlike Jessica’s husband, he doesn’t pay rent, doesn’t contribute to the bills, and is always here. Every time I ask Polly when Derek’s planning on leaving she says she doesn’t know, but it should be soon. I’m at my limit with this guy! I want him gone, but I’m afraid if I put my foot down and kick him out it will create a rift with my sister which sucks because our relationship is already strained due to this. How do I make Derek and his freeloading ass stop while at the same time repairing my relationship with my sister?
Yes, Polly’s being immature by letting this situation drag on, but don’t use it as an excuse to lose your cool. It sucks that he’s crashing at your place without contributing, but it’s not like he’s putting you in any danger or causing you harm. He’s just an unpleasant inconvenience. Most likely he’s puttering around the joint in socks with holes in the toes, checking Instagram on his old-ass iPhone with a cracked screen and trying to stream “The Wire” on a shitty laptop using his parents’ HBOGo account. Sure every stray hair of his in the bathroom shower makes you want to strangle him with his unwashed skinny jeans, but try to resist for now. Keep reading »
Make It Stop is a weekly column in which Anna Goldfarb — the blogger behind Shmitten Kitten and Shlooby Kitten — tells you what’s up. Want a fresh take on a stinky dilemma? Email firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject “Make It Stop.” She’ll make it all better, or at least make you laugh. Girl Scout’s honor.
I have a twin brother and I’ve always been the “adventurous” twin. I went to college several states away while my twin, for a number of reasons, commuted from home. After I graduated, I got a job several states away as well. While I have made several disparaging comments about my twin’s life choices in the past, I’ve tried to mend fences to no avail. We don’t talk regularly anymore. Every time I come home for the holidays, my twin takes something innocuous I say and twists it, going into a screaming fit about how I should go back to wherever I live and never come back. Needless to say, it makes coming home uncomfortable and I don’t want to anymore. My parents usually see that he is overreacting but don’t seem able to stop it either. Do you have suggestions to help mend our fights or make them stop?
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