Tag Archives: advice column

Make It Stop: “An Old (Married!) Friend From High School Is Putting The Moves On Me On Social Media”

Make It Stop: "An Old (Married!) Friend From High School Is Putting The Moves On Me On Social Media"

I’m in a happy, committed relationship. I just reconnected with a friend from high school who has a spouse and a daughter, and although it was fun to hang out, immediately after we did so, he started flirting with me and talking about how he had feelings for me in high school. It’s clear that he still does, and that’s fine, but I don’t have any feelings for him — or anyone but my boyfriend! Now I feel like I have to avoid him, but he keeps trying to talk to me on social media. What do I do?

There’s no need to jeopardize your happy relationship over some dud’s lame attempt at a cheap ego boost. You could block him, or unfriend him, or do nothing. I love doing nothing as a response because it’s easy and free! Eventually he’ll get the hint.

You could be direct and say, “I’m not interested. Please stop,” but I don’t want to make it more dramatic than it needs to be.

As for me, depending on how comfortable with him, I’d probably make a joke out of it. Like next time you see him out and he starts chatting you up, give him some sass. Keep reading »

Make It Stop: “I Feel Like My Chances Of Finding Love Are Hopeless”

Make It Stop: "I Feel Like My Chances Of Finding Love Are Hopeless"

I’m 31 years old and I’ve never been in relationship, nor have I ever been in love.  I look at couples — married, cohabiting, dating — and I’m so envious of their ability to open up and create something with another person. Sometimes I feel like I’m too broken to even be considered by the universe to find love. I’ve never suffered any emotional or mental trauma that would provoke these thoughts, but I wonder if it’s self-preservation. I feel as though I’ve put myself out there, but each time I’m unsuccessful. Any advice for someone feeling a little hopeless?

The bad news: your attitude need an adjustment. The good news: adjusting your attitude is free! Instead of telling yourself that you’re a failure, correct that narrative in your head and say that you just haven’t found the right person yet, which is totally okay and super normal. Keep reading »

Make It Stop: “All The Guys I Date End Up Being Really Self-Absorbed”

Make It Stop: "All The Guys I Date End Up Being Really Self-Absorbed"

I’m 31 and live in Brooklyn. My problem: I keep attracting perfectly nice, smart, but utterly self-absorbed men. I’m a giver and a nurturer. I like listening to other people talk about their problems/interests/days/whatever. I like offering advice and think I’m good at it. I truly am happy to show my partners that I l care for and support them in whatever way I can, but despite the variety of “types” of guys I date — funny nerds! quiet writers! outgoing ad sales dudes! — and the fun we have together, they do very little to offer as much support/attention/interest as I give them. They don’t ask me as in-depth of questions, they aren’t as giving in the bedroom, they don’t seem as concerned or caring when I’m having a hard time. I try to lead by example, and I don’t want be LESS kind/nurturing/supportive as some sort of test or just to prove that I’m not a doormat. I like being a generous person, I just don’t understand why I can’t find a partner who’s as willing to be generous towards me. What am I doing wrong?

The kinds of guys who are attracted to living in New York City—driven, ambitious, self-starters—can be the same kinds of people who can be challenging to date. Sure, they look great on paper (who doesn’t love an employed fella!) but they didn’t always make the most fantastic partners. You know why? It’s because they put their energy and emotion into their career, not their personal life. And they may be willing to share dinner with you, but they aren’t as willing to share their heart. It is incredibly frustrating. Keep reading »

Make It Stop: “My BFF Won’t Stop Competing With Me And Copying Everything I Do!”

Make It Stop: "My BFF Won't Stop Competing With Me And Copying Everything I Do!"

Make It Stop is a new weekly column in which Anna Goldfarb — the blogger behind Shmitten Kitten and Shlooby Kitten — tells you what’s up. Want a fresh take on a stinky dilemma? Email anna@shmittenkitten.com with the subject “Make It Stop.” She’ll make it all better, or at least make you laugh. Girl Scout’s honor.

This week, we’ve got a competitive, copycatting best friend and a overly chatty coworker to contend with… Keep reading »

Make It Stop: “I’m Stuck Giving My Neighbor Rides Every Day”

Make It Stop: "I'm Stuck Giving My Neighbor Rides Every Day"

Make It Stop is a new weekly column in which Anna Goldfarb — the blogger behind Shmitten Kitten and Shlooby Kitten — tells you what’s up. Want a fresh take on a stinky dilemma? Email anna@shmittenkitten.com with the subject “Make It Stop.” She’ll make it all better, or at least make you laugh. Girl Scout’s honor.

First up, how to dump some who uses you as a personal taxi service: Keep reading »

Make It Stop: “I’m My Sister’s On-Call Babysitter!”

Make It Stop: "I'm My Sister's On-Call Babysitter!"

Make It Stop is a new weekly column in which Anna Goldfarb — the blogger behind Shmitten Kitten and Shlooby Kitten — tells you what’s up. Want a fresh take on a stinky dilemma? Email anna@shmittenkitten.com with the subject “Make It Stop.” She’ll make it all better, or at least make you laugh. Girl Scout’s honor.

First up, how to say “no” to babysitting: Keep reading »

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