It took me a little while to figure out what the hell was going on in this ad for German clothing company Van Rosen, but now I get it! This guy and this girl are getting it on, but then he gets a phone call. So, while he is detained, she humps his pants, because they are just that sexy, and then later on, after she’s left, he gets to smell them. Hot? [Copyranter]

Snow White has been made over into “Ho White,” smokin’ a fag after, apparently, a rockin’ roll in the hay with her favorite seven dwarves. The ad is for Australian brewery Jamieson’s raspberry ale which is being marketed as “anything but sweet.” The thing is, the company behind it, The Foundry, forgot to ask Disney’s permission to turn one of its fairy tale heroines in to a big ol’ gangbanging slut, and they’ve had to pull the ad. Too bad, because I think it’s more funny than offensive. [AdFreak]

Despite expressing dismay that the previous ad—featuring an extremely whittled-down Filippa Hamilton—had made it to print and that it didn’t represent their “image,” it’s not the only example of Ralph Lauren execs being a bit overzealous with Photoshop. Check out this ad from a Ralph Lauren window display in Sydney. Mmm, doesn’t she look hungry and chic? [Photoshop Disasters]

This new AIDS Awareness campaign from One Life finally uses sex to sell an effective message—when you sleep with him, you’re sleeping with everyone in his past. Click on over to Trendhunter to see a few more graphic images—including a woman giving a blowjob to a handgun. One more image, after the jump…

Yeah, uh, I don’t know. This guy? He’s kind of freaking me out. He’s so ... flexible. This vintage ad for Cricketeer suits is intended to show that this—ahem—polyester suit will “give you almost as much freedom as [your] birthday suit,” but I walk away from it with nothing but the heebie-jeebies. I guess that’s what you get for $100. And why are his hands placed, like, there? Is he warding off some sort of an attack, or did they not want to feature his butt so prominently in this ad? I remain confused. Hopefully, men who can turn themselves into human pretzels will engage in these types of activities in the bedroom, not the boardroom. [Jezebel]

TLC’s ad asking “Cavity Search Anyone?” for the show “Police Women Of Broward County” is misogynist, Dylan Stableford, a blogger at The Wrap, has noticed. Really, TLC? Instead of marketing towards women like me who’ll think this show is really cool, you’re going for the porn-y cop angle? Sorry, chuckleheads, but there has not been even one cavity search on the show. Despite TLC’s eyeroll-inducing ad, “Police Women” is one of my favorite shows on TV right now (and the episode about prostitution and johns gave me fodder to write about). Its portrayal of the canny, athletic, highly principled women police officers, some of whom are working moms too, is more educational and thought-provoking than that stupid ad makes it look. See the ad in question, after the jump… [The Wrap]

It’s hard to believe it’s been over 20 years since I suffered through awkward sex-ed videos of swimming, talking sperm and dancing ovaries in junior high. Feeling a little nostalgic, I did a search for “vintage sex ed” on YouTube this morning and found this gem from the ‘70s. Poor Ricky! Not only does his mom walk in on him at the most inopportune time, she proceeds to ruin any chance he might have to “feel good” in the future. Then again, as her voice plays back at the end, it’s hard not to wonder if maybe she didn’t just give him more fodder for the job…

Well, this is novel. A fine wine purveyor is targeting gay men with a line of special wines. Spanish UO! Wines has three vino options: Antinoo, Oscura Lágrima, and Ánima Blanca. Antinoo is a red: “young and mature, fruity, elegant, smooth…Mediterranean.” Oscura Lágrima, another red, is described thusly: “They say that the best sex is tumultuous like a storm cloud, and we’re inclined to agree.” Ánima Blanca is a white: “It’s fresh on the palate, potent…like a low whisper floating at you from behind your neck at just the right time.” Steamy! Nothing sells wine like sex, one imagines. Every bottle label features a hot, ripped dude in various stages of bondage/undress. Kinky! But where’s the line of wines for the lesbian ladies, UO!? [Notcot]

This advertisement is supposed to have us believe that if you chew HappyDent baking soda gum, your teeth will become whiter, brighter, and, oh, so much better. How does the company choose to convey this message? Frankly, I don’t know that selling us ladies on this product by way of a necklace made of human teeth—no matter how white they may be—is what’s going to make us rush out and buy their tooth-whitening gum. It’s rather creepy, isn’t it? Although, I do appreciate that it’s not telling us to lose our blubber, like PETA. But there’s just something cannibalistic about this advertisement. After the jump, check out a toothy closeup. [Copyranter]

The hilarious part of this is that a quick glance at this new Gap ad will only send interested customers running to the rival they ripped off. (In fairness, they did add a dash of Calvin Klein, circa the Brooke Shields days.) Back to the drawing board! [AdWeek via Scanner]

Just in time for hump day, we found this sexy vid for an afternoon delight: track star Nick Symmonds getting naked for Nike. OK, so I totally have a thing for men in their little running shorts, but these marketing experts have proven that even less than that is more. Belle and Sebastian are right: Stars of track and field are beautiful people. [WOW]

Don’t get me wrong. I like a hirsute fellow as much as the next girl, but it could be that this advertisement waxed into some dude’s back hair goes a little too far. Far enough to give me a hairball. Copyranter calls it “diametrically un-hot,” and he’s got a point there. Body hair removal company Parissa thought it would be clever to have this poor, furry soul wander up and down a beach looking like this, handing out free samples of Parissa product. People liked it, says one report, and some chicks even asked to have their photo taken with the Hairy Backed One. But does it make me want to buy Parissa? Eh, not really. A fur coat, maybe. [Copyranter]

Another day, another risque fashion ad. Sooo, it’s not like anyone turns to Marc Jacobs for chaste imagery or anything, but folks are buzzing that his new fall ‘09 ad campaign is a touch raunchy. The pictures were snapped by Jacobs’ main man, photographer Juergen Teller, natch, and feature five It models, ranging in age from 17 to 29, in a series of bendy, twisty, and sometimes freaky, poses. Please note the image above where a model, dressed in an over-embroidered mini-dress, sits cross-legged with her crotch exposed a la Britney. For sure, it’s a little bit much, but uncomfy? Not in our opinion. The only thing that rubs us the wrong way is how similar these feel to American Apparel’s cheesy ads. More images, after the jump! [The Cut]

Britain’s advertising watchdog, the Advertising Standards Authority, has said ads for Mattesons smoked sausage “cause harm to children.” How could an ad for spicy encased meat do that? Well, consider the dialogue in the radio ads:

“Think about all the things you can stick this tasty, extraordinarily large sausage in. Mmm… Pizza, pasta, stir fry. You have any ideas? Give me a call and tell me where you like to stick it,” one advert said.

Twenty-one listeners complained, saying the sexual innuendos were offensive and the ads shouldn’t be aired when children could be listening. Kerry Foods, which makes Mattesons sausage, said the ads were meant to be tongue-in-cheek, not offensive. The watchdog group didn’t agree that the ads were sexually explicit but ruled that the ads shouldn’t be aired when children were likely to be listening.

This oral sex-inspired Sprite commercial, which apparently was banned in Germany, is the most sexual advertisement we’ve ever seen. And it’s kinda icky, to boot. Definitely not safe for work…unless you work at Sprite, probably.

While hats are known for cleverly covering bald spots, in these Dimetto ads, they’re full on bush blockers. Click after the jump to see the full shebang. Who knows if the Paris unisex haberdasher is sick of making headwear, but they certainly found a way to turn heads! Something tell us that no matter where those hats rest, they look damn good. So ladies, here it is, the fresh lingerie look from Europe—a crotch cap. How do you say “sexy” in French? [Copyranter]

In April, Brad Pitt taped a commercial with a sumo wrestler, and now it’s out. Brad plays the assistant to a sumo wrestler in this Spike Jonze-directed ad for Japanese SoftBank, a telecommunications company. We think the commercial is probably trying to say, “We’ll support you no matter what, even if we have to do the seemingly impossible, like carry a 300+ pound man when his flip-flop breaks.”

Two Beckhams in one ad, of course! Victoria and David Beckham stripped down and got all glistening for these new Armani underwear ads. Click through for the other shot. [via The Cut]