Tag Archives: abusive relationships

Everything Joe & Melissa Gorga Might Want To Know About Actual Dominant/Submissive Relationships, But Are Too Afraid To Ask

Melissa Gorga and Joe Gorga

It’s difficult to walk away from an episode of “Real Housewives of New Jersey” without thinking to oneself, ”Every single one of these women needs massive amounts of therapy” … yet we do it in a way that keeps us TiVoing their table-flipping drama week after week. But a new book published by Melissa Gorga, called Love Italian Style, filled with her  so-called ‘marriage advice tips’ crosses into the realm of seriously disturbing.

Clearly the Gorgas have a traditional-style marriage. That does not suit everyone’s tastes. However, Melissa Gorga doesn’t simply fulfill the traditional feminine role in her marriage by cooking meals, cleaning the house and being primary caretaker of the children. As Amelia wrote about yesterday, she advises satisfying your husband’s sexual desires at all times, fashioning herself into his own personal “puttana [Italian slang for "whore"]” in the bedroom, lest her husband be driven to cheat. She explains how Joe is liable to be less angry at her for making mistakes when she’s been putting out.

Then there’s the part where Gorga gives a thumbs-up to marital rape:

Men, I know you think your woman isn’t the type who wants to be taken. But trust me, she is. Every girl wants to get her hair pulled once in a while. If your wife says “no,” turn her around, and rip her clothes off. She wants to be dominated.

There’s the playful, “wink-wink-nudge-nudge” no that I hope Melissa Gorga is referring to. Then there’s the “no means no” no that makes turning your wife around and ripping her clothes off rape. Gorga doesn’t elucidate any difference. Nor does Gorga seem to find it disconcerting, as Jezebel pointed out, that Joe is prone to “violent outbursts” — like breaking a baby’s highchair — that cause her to “modify her own behavior” to please him. Still, Gorga repeatedly writes that marriage should based upon respect. Keep reading »

Rihanna Blames, But Understands, Her Abusive Father

“I actually feel really bad for my father. He was abused, too — he got beat up by his stepdad when he was young. He has resentment toward women, because he felt like his mum never protected him, and unfortunately, my mother was the victim of that. I’m not giving him excuses. Right is right and wrong is wrong. I still blame him. But I understand the source.”

Rihanna opened up about her father’s physical abuse at home and the domestic violence she grew up with (and later experienced in her infamously abusive relationship with ex Chris Brown). I’m always pleased when someone contextualizes an issue like domestic violence like this. As much as people — myself included — want to hate on someone like Chris Brown for being “a bad guy,” we also have to remember that abusive relationships don’t just happen out of thin air. There’s a cycle of violence that victims and perpetrators are looped into. It’s very big of Rihanna to say that while she still blames her dad and his parents for their negative impact on the family, she accepts it for what it is. [Oh No They Didn't! via Rolling Stone] Keep reading »

Man Waterboards Girlfriend For Allegedly Cheating

This story will make you worry not just about the state of our country, but humanity in general. A Nebraska man named Trevor Case is being charged with domestic assault, making terrorist threats, and false imprisonment. Why? He allegedly waterboarded his girlfriend. The 22-year-old suspected his girlfriend was cheating on him and wanted to punish her for the alleged infidelities. He waited until she came home and then tackled her to the ground, tied her to a couch, stuffed socks in her mouth, and placed a shirt over her face. He then poured a pitcher of water on her face—a sensation that makes a person feel like they are drowning. “She started freaking out and thought she wasn’t able to breathe,” said a police spokesperson. “As she was trying to get up, she clawed Case on his chest.” Keep reading »

E. Jean, Elle’s Advice Columnist, Needs To Stop

Usually we read Elle magazine’s advice column “Ask E. Jean” with a sense of bemused horror. We imagine E. Jean sitting poolside sipping a Mai Tai, systematically rattling off terrible, cliche, and gender-stereotyped advice to a beleaguered assistant who’s forced to type up every word. You see, the women who write into E. Jean often have similar problems — the spark in their relationship has died, their husbands or boyfriends are now distant or disinterested. And without fail, E. Jean always recommends the same thing — “Oh honey, just whip up a steak dinner, put on some sexy lingerie and seduce your man back into the relationship.” In E. Jean’s world, we’re all just a sexy negligee away from solving all our relationship woes.

And then we read E. Jean’s advice to a woman who’s been married for four months and is still a virgin … Keep reading »

If Dating A Narcissist Never Bothered You Before, Maybe It Will Now

Believing that you’re better than others can be good when you’re modest about it and don’t get carried away. An abundance of self-confidence can help you stand firm against criticism and lead you to success. Yet, just like anything else, narcissism is only good in moderation.

People who are completely narcissistic and totally obsessed with themselves deal with something called narcissistic rage, anger they express whenever they feel threatened or criticized. Narcissists have very little empathy, feel entitled, and have a delusional self-image, which all lead to aggressive behaviors. Apparently, narcissists will unleash their anger and rage on the people in their lives who are closest to them, and oftentimes that’s a straight woman. Keep reading »

“Twilight” Love Story Has All The Components Of An Abusive Relationship

One of the primary criticisms of Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight series is that the incredibly idealized love story between Bella Swan and Edward Cullen is actually, well, kind of creepy and pathetic. But an eagle-eyed blogger has noted that their relationship — beloved by teenage girls and their sisters and mothers — fits the profile of an abusive one. Blogger kar3ning of Captain’s Log compared Bella and Edward’s relationship against the National Domestic Violence hotline’s 15 signs that you may be in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship and discovered that, lo and behold, the glittery vampire and his devoted girlfriend were a match across the board.

Does your partner … look at you or act in ways that scare you? Check! … make all the decisions? Check! … threaten to commit suicide? Check! Keep reading »

He Says/She Says: Leona Lewis’s “Bleeding Love”

Today, my friend Jon and I got a little girly and watched/listened to Leona Lewis’s “Bleeding Love.” A little-known fact about “Bleeding Love” is that it was written by Ryan Tedder of OneRepublic and Jesse McCarthney of BOP magazine. The song is currently the number one song at the iTunes Store, and it was the top single of 2007 in the U.K. There are two videos for the song, a U.K. video, and a U.S. one. We accidentally watched the U.K. version, but it is much more dramatic than the one meant for us, which features Leona riding around Times Square in a taxi. I guess they thought the domestic violence might not be as big of a hit here?

Catherine: Are you in the mood for a little Leona Lewis in the afternoon?
Jon: I think so.
C: You think so? You know so! Keep reading »

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