The first thing anyone asks a battered woman is: “Why did you put up with that?” Domestic violence is the only crime I can think of—well, besides rape—where the victim is treated as complicit in her own abuse.
This is why I rarely talk about my two-year relationship with a batterer. I wasn’t a housewife with no resources, I was a teenager and he was my first boyfriend. He beat me, raped me and stalked me. After I escaped, it was years before I told anyone what I’d been through because I was so ashamed. I still avoid the topic with those close to me.
What people don’t understand is that abusers don’t generally punch you in the face on the first date. If they did, nobody would ever go out with them twice. But there are some early warning signs—and as much as you might hate to admit it to yourself, the fact is, even a strong, smart, independent woman can find herself on the wrong end of the fist. Here are some behaviors to watch out for … Keep reading »
People on reality shows of yore have eaten bugs, had catfights over men, and stabbed each other in the back for a chance to work for The Donald.
And now, they beat their girlfriends.
“Abusers” is will be an intervention-style reality show that depicts real-life cases of domestic violence and offers counseling and support for both the abuser and the victim. The show — which appears to be in the proposal stage, as there is no mention of a network having picked it up — will be produced by Albert Harris, Jr., a former aide to ex-New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey. The creative team will include Ashley and Josh from “The Real World: D.C.,” who both experienced domestic violence in their homes. Abusers and victims who participate on “Abusers” will be given free online degree programs through the University of Phoenix.
This could work for TV. It just has to be more “PBS” than “Bravo,” you know what I mean? Keep reading »
When Jesse James sat down for his “Nightline” interview, he had an interesting explanation for why he torpedoed his marriage to Sandra Bullock by cheating with multiple women—he was abused as a child. “[My dad] beat my ass pretty good a bunch of times. I was petrified of my dad … I was a terrorized kid,” he said. “My mind rationalized [cheating], ‘Well, you know, I might as well do whatever I can to like run her off cause she is going to find out what I am anyway and leave me anyway.’”
But Jesse’s dad, Larry James, is taking serious issue with this statement, and he sat down yesterday for an interview with Radar to say that the alleged abuse never happened. “When I watched Jesse on ‘Nightline’ last night, I was disgusted, horrified, and brokenhearted to hear what my son said about me because none of it is true,” he said. Keep reading »
Warning: this clip from a new ABC TV show called “What Would You Do?” is hard to watch, even though I know the “abusive boyfriend” and the “abused girlfriend” are only actors.
On four different occasions, “What Would You Do?” filmed diners at a restaurant watching two “couples” — one white, one black — sit down at a table when the “girlfriend” has obviously just been beat up. In both cases the “girlfriend,” who has cuts on her face and bruises on her arms, is terrified of her “boyfriend” and tells him to stop making a scene in public. Of course, he does not stop making a scene at all and only escalates his anger in front of all the other diners.
Good Samaritan strangers step in to help these abused “girlfriends.” Except when they are dressed provocatively, that is. Keep reading »
A study of data from U.S. National Institute on Mental Health published in the journal Violence Against Women has found that many women who endure physical, sexual and psychological abuse from their male partners see them as “dependable” and even “affectionate.” Researchers from Adelphi University in New York and St. Michael’s Hospital in Toronto examined the data — which was on 611 low-income, mostly African-American women from urban areas, with an average age of 35 — and saw 43 percent said they had been abused by an intimate partner within the last year. Of the abused women, 54 percent said their partners were reliable, 44 percent said they were dependable yet abusive, and 38 percent said the men were dependable yet controlling. Only 18 percent — or less than one fifth of the abused women — said their partners were dangerously abusive. According to Time, the authors of the study hope that this insight into the minds of victims of domestic violence will help them help women. Keep reading »
We know that dudes, and many ladies, take their football really seriously. And, of course, losing sucks. But did you know it could also be dangerous? A new study shows that episodes of domestic violence are linked to local NFL losses. Yikes. Researchers looked at domestic violence reports from 1995 to 2006 and found that on nights when home teams lost, there was an 8 percent increase in incidents of domestic violence. That statistic nearly doubled when rival teams were playing one another. Obviously, researchers believe that football is not to blame for the incident, but may act as a trigger to anger. The data corresponds with that theory, as most of the violent episodes tended to take place about three hours after the end of a game. I also have to wonder what role alcohol plays in this picture. Either way … these results are awful. Just to be clear, a man should be able to accept his favorite team losing without harming anyone. [Newser] Keep reading »
Rihanna is finally opening up about the physical abuse she suffered by ex-boyfriend Chris Brown in an interview with Glamour magazine. They interviewed Rihanna for their annual Women Of The Year issue, ostensibly to speak up for domestic violence survivors, which is a brave move for her to make. But honestly? Rihanna’s statement is of the “no, duh” variety and sounds like it was written/watered down by PR folks and lawyers. Keep reading »
There are dealbreakers and then there are dealbreakers—and a past history of domestic violence is a dealbreaker on a lot of people’s list. Salon.com’s advice columnist, Cary Tennis, fielded a question from a former abuser who’s nervous about telling his new girlfriend he physically abused his ex-wife half a dozen times during their marriage.
After divorcing, “Ex-Abuser,” as he signed his letter, entered therapy and said it helped him “understand my reasons for the abuse, and the effect it had on both my wife and our relationship.” Also after the divorce, he and his ex-wife went to therapy together and “the abuse was addressed and some amount of nascent healing took place.”
Now Ex-Abuser is in a new relationship with a woman he seems to want to spend his life with. Trouble is, he hasn’t told her about his past. Not only is he afraid his new girlfriend will ditch him if she knows, but his ex-wife is threatening to spill the beans herself. And that, obviously, would be bad. Keep reading »