“It’s not difficult for a woman to make a man hit her. … The problem with strong, intelligent women is that they can argue well. And if there is a time where you can’t get a word in … and I … I lashed out. I couldn’t end the argument. Something must have brought it on. When frustration builds up and you can’t think of a way out… It happened and I’m very, very ashamed of it. … She certainly wasn’t a beaten wife, she was hit and that’s different.”
I don’t know who the British actor Dennis Waterman is, but his why-I-punched-my-wife logic makes him sounds like he’s the Mel Gibson of the UK. The actor was on Piers Morgan’s talk shows discussing his rough 1998 divorce from actress Rula Lenska, who claimed he had a drinking problem and that he beat her. Dennis doesn’t dispute he had a hand in the drinking, but the hitting? Well, that’s just not his fault. (Of course not.)
Dennis has been condemned by the British anti-violence group Refuge, which issued a no-duh statement “No one can make their partner hit them.” [The F Word via Mirror UK]
Why is that women stay with their abusers? A little less than two years ago, I certainly couldn’t have told you the answer to that question. Now I can. And that’s because I did.
I’ll never be able to pinpoint the exact moment when my relationship with Chris started to become unhealthy. It could have been as early as the moment I met him. It could have been the first time he criticized my weight. It could have been when he started controlling who I could hang out with. It could have even been the very first time he called me a “stupid slut.” Really, at this point it all becomes a big blur full of screaming, name calling, and suicidal threats, not to mention one very unhealthy pattern of fighting and making up. Read more …
If a new bill introduced in New York goes through, people convicted of domestic violence or stalking would be required to register with a Domestic Violence Offender Database. Anyone convicted of a felony domestic violence offense against a family or household member would be required to join the registry, which would identify the school at which he or she is enrolled, the place of employment he or she works, and offender’s home address. The registry would be set up similar to, and accessible to the public like, the sex offender registry already in place.
The bill was prompted by the murder last week of 23-year-old Sarah Coit, who was allegedly stabbed and then beheaded by her boyfriend Raul Barrera on Manhattan’s Lower East Side. Raul Barrera had several DV incidents on his record. Keep reading »
“Me getting pregnant was a result of bad choices, not having boundaries, sexual abuse from the time I was 9, 10, 11, 12, 13. … My mother said, ‘You can’t stay here,’ so I had to move with my father in Nashville. I hid the whole thing. … My father as part of his decree about what’s gonna go on in his house and what isn’t gonna go on in the house said … ‘I would rather see a daughter of mine floating down the Cumberland River than to bring shame on this family with the indecency of an illegitimate child.’ He said this and I know that I am pregnant. So I’m thinking, ‘Well, I’m just going to have to kill myself.’ … I did stupid things like, you know, drinking detergent and all that crazy stuff that you do when you’re trying to get attention, when you’re really just trying to cry for help.”
—Oprah talks to Piers Morgan about getting pregnant at age 14, and feeling “no connection to [the baby] whatsoever.” Shortly after the detergent drinking incident, Oprah lost the baby. She says that she took it as her second chance. Watch more of the powerful interview here. [via NY Daily News] Keep reading »
While discussing my New Year’s resolutions, I flippantly threw out that I was going to try to be less of a sarcastic jerk when talking to my husband — you know, for the sake of my kids.
Yes, it’s true. I have caught my boys — even the 4-year-old — using some of my own special brand of sarcastic quips or passive-aggressive phrasings, and it has made me wince. Deeply. Read more … Keep reading »
Former actor Darius McCrary, who played Eddie Winslow on “Family Matters,” was recently served with a restraining order. The legal action was the result of abuse accusations by his ex-wife Karrine Steffans. Steffans claims that McCrary beat her with a belt in front of her son and that this was not the first time he has harmed her. Currently, Darius is not allowed within a 100-feet of his wife, and she is looking to make the restraining order permanent with upcoming court appearances. [Huffington Post]
Unfortunately, this is not the first time a former actor has been accused of abuse later in life. Read on to see what past stars are sadly spending more time in court than on the screen. Keep reading »
This story will make you worry not just about the state of our country, but humanity in general. A Nebraska man named Trevor Case is being charged with domestic assault, making terrorist threats, and false imprisonment. Why? He allegedly waterboarded his girlfriend. The 22-year-old suspected his girlfriend was cheating on him and wanted to punish her for the alleged infidelities. He waited until she came home and then tackled her to the ground, tied her to a couch, stuffed socks in her mouth, and placed a shirt over her face. He then poured a pitcher of water on her face—a sensation that makes a person feel like they are drowning. “She started freaking out and thought she wasn’t able to breathe,” said a police spokesperson. “As she was trying to get up, she clawed Case on his chest.” Keep reading »
The first thing anyone asks a battered woman is: “Why did you put up with that?” Domestic violence is the only crime I can think of—well, besides rape—where the victim is treated as complicit in her own abuse.
This is why I rarely talk about my two-year relationship with a batterer. I wasn’t a housewife with no resources, I was a teenager and he was my first boyfriend. He beat me, raped me and stalked me. After I escaped, it was years before I told anyone what I’d been through because I was so ashamed. I still avoid the topic with those close to me.
What people don’t understand is that abusers don’t generally punch you in the face on the first date. If they did, nobody would ever go out with them twice. But there are some early warning signs—and as much as you might hate to admit it to yourself, the fact is, even a strong, smart, independent woman can find herself on the wrong end of the fist. Here are some behaviors to watch out for … Keep reading »
People on reality shows of yore have eaten bugs, had catfights over men, and stabbed each other in the back for a chance to work for The Donald.
And now, they beat their girlfriends.
“Abusers” is will be an intervention-style reality show that depicts real-life cases of domestic violence and offers counseling and support for both the abuser and the victim. The show — which appears to be in the proposal stage, as there is no mention of a network having picked it up — will be produced by Albert Harris, Jr., a former aide to ex-New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey. The creative team will include Ashley and Josh from “The Real World: D.C.,” who both experienced domestic violence in their homes. Abusers and victims who participate on “Abusers” will be given free online degree programs through the University of Phoenix.
This could work for TV. It just has to be more “PBS” than “Bravo,” you know what I mean? Keep reading »