Mother’s Day is when advertising distills motherhood down to home-cooked brunch, a bracelet, or a fragrant bouquet. But for far too many people, the relationship with their mom is a complicated one. Not all mothers have been nurturing and caring; not all daughters and sons have overcome the trauma of their childhoods as adults. There can be a lot of love in a mother-child relationship, but also a deep well of pain. That’s why The End Of Eve: A Memoir, by Ariel Gore, is the perfect antidote to Mother’s Day.
Several years ago, Gore, who is the editor of Hip Mama magazine, was happily in a relationship with her partner and raising a college-aged daughter and a toddler son, when she got some news. Her narcissistic, emotionally abusive mother, Eve, announced she had cancer.
So, Gore and her family picked up their lives and moved to spend the last couple of years caring for Eve — who, in turn, made everyone’s lives difficult in every possible way, like reporting Gore and her partner to Child Protective Services for (nonexistent) child abuse. But Gore was dedicated to both caring for her sick mom and trying to keep her relationship with her girlfriend together.
As a memoirist, Ariel Gore is gifted: she is able to tell a heartbreaking story of illness and betrayal with the perfect mix of respect, humor and irreverence. I called Gore at home to talk about The End Of Eve, which I absolutely devoured. Our conversation is after the jump!
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I woke up the morning after feeling irritated, a clutching pain behind my eyes. Alert, but not wanting to do anything. There it was, that vague feeling of dis-ease, a familiar disconnection.
It’s difficult to admit how personally triggered I was by Dylan Farrow’s open letter in The New York Times. I would rather ignore it, throw myself into work or blame the feeling on something else— maybe I’m mad at my boyfriend. Maybe it’s my body; maybe I could make the way I’m feeling about the way I look— but that’s not the truth. I know what’s wrong and— like Farrow’s story itself, it’s worth saying out loud.
It was less Farrow’s letter than it was people’s reactions that had upset me. “Friends” on Facebook jumped to Woody Allen’s defense, many posting that awful piece on Daily Beast as if it were some kind of counterpoint. Yeah, it’s Facebook, I know I shouldn’t care. But my connections to people, however they come, are important. And besides, some of these people were friends in real life, individuals that I used to trust and respect. That trust and respect was gone.
Reading through comments, I found myself sickened. I mean, if it’s your position that you don’t know what happened, why say anything at all? Why re-enforce the message to survivors that we won’t be believed? That we’re making it up and anyways, who cares?
This is exactly what perpetrators do, I thought to myself. This is exactly what makes our traumas traumatic. Keep reading »
Calling himself only “Jean Paul,” the photographer who snapped over 1,000 photos over 27 minutes of Charles Saatchi and Nigella Lawson during their now-infamous lunch in London on June 9 is interviewed in the upcoming issue of Vanity Fair. “I saw her lurch violently backwards,” the paparazzo told the magazine about the incident. “I thought Charles was demonstrating something. It lasted about 30 seconds. Then he did it a second time, and it was so violent, with such force, that her head snapped backwards … I was taking pictures the whole time.” Keep reading »
Earlier today in a UK court, TV chef Nigella Lawson took the stand to tell her side of the story about how those photos of ex-husband Charles Saatchi strangling her outside of Scott’s restaurant came to be. Oh, and to defend herself against the charge that she’s a major cokehead and that he wasn’t strangling her, but rather”removing drugs from her nose.” Because…that’s how it’s done? During his testimony, Saatchi changed his tale, telling the court that he “was not gripping, strangling or throttling her,” he “was holding her head by the neck to make her focus.” Yeah, still not working for me.
If that weren’t enough to deal with, Nigella’s former assistants, Francesca and Elisabetta Grillo, were accused of racking up more than $1 million in charges on the couple’s credit card. Defense lawyers for the former employees have suggested that Nigella gave them free run to use the credit card in return for their silence about her drug habit. Well, it’s finally Nigella’s turn to speak. After the jump, some of the key parts of her testimony. Keep reading »
Does your significant other constantly chalk his bad mood up to something that you’ve said or done, then apologize almost immediately? Is your friend’s new beau always listening in to her phone calls or reading text message conversations over her shoulder? These seemingly normal scenarios can also fall into the category of abusive behavior, according to some relationship experts. “Any action that limits your freedom or self-expression could point to a pattern of control or abuse,” says author and relationship expert Maxine Brown. Read on for a list of more subtle signs that you or a friend may be in an abusive relationship on Your Tango…