Tag Archives: abuse

On Dylan Farrow, Being Triggered & Dealing With Trauma

On Dylan Farrow, Being Triggered & Dealing With Trauma

I woke up the morning after feeling irritated, a clutching pain behind my eyes. Alert, but not wanting to do anything. There it was, that vague feeling of dis-ease, a familiar disconnection.

It’s difficult to admit how personally triggered I was by Dylan Farrow’s open letter in The New York Times. I would rather ignore it, throw myself into work or blame the feeling on something else— maybe I’m mad at my boyfriend. Maybe it’s my body; maybe I could make the way I’m feeling about the way I look— but that’s not the truth. I know what’s wrong and— like Farrow’s story itself, it’s worth saying out loud.

It was less Farrow’s letter than it was people’s reactions that had upset me. “Friends” on Facebook jumped to Woody Allen’s defense, many posting that awful piece on Daily Beast as if it were some kind of counterpoint. Yeah, it’s Facebook, I know I shouldn’t care. But my connections to people, however they come, are important. And besides, some of these people were friends in real life, individuals that I used to trust and respect. That trust and respect was gone.

Reading through comments, I found myself sickened. I mean, if it’s your position that you don’t know what happened, why say anything at all? Why re-enforce the message to survivors that we won’t be believed? That we’re making it up and anyways, who cares?

This is exactly what perpetrators do, I thought to myself. This is exactly what makes our traumas traumatic. Keep reading »

Meet The Photographer Who Shot Those Infamous Photos Of Charles Saatchi Choking Nigella Lawson

Meet The Photographer Who Shot Those Infamous Photos Of Charles Saatchi Choking Nigella Lawson

Calling himself only “Jean Paul,” the photographer who snapped over 1,000 photos over 27 minutes of Charles Saatchi and Nigella Lawson during their now-infamous lunch in London on June 9 is interviewed in the upcoming issue of Vanity Fair“I saw her lurch violently backwards,” the paparazzo told the magazine about the incident. “I thought Charles was demonstrating something. It lasted about 30 seconds. Then he did it a second time, and it was so violent, with such force, that her head snapped backwards … I was taking pictures the whole time.” Keep reading »

Nigella Lawson Denies Being A Raging Cokehead, Reveals What Really Incited Saatchi’s Violence

Earlier today in a UK court, TV chef Nigella Lawson took the stand to tell her side of the story about how those photos of ex-husband Charles Saatchi strangling her outside of Scott’s restaurant came to be. Oh, and to defend herself against the charge that she’s a major cokehead and that he wasn’t strangling her, but rather”removing drugs from her nose.” Because…that’s how it’s done? During his testimony, Saatchi changed his tale, telling the court that he “was not gripping, strangling or throttling her,” he “was holding her head by the neck to make her focus.” Yeah, still not working for me.

If that weren’t enough to deal with, Nigella’s former assistants, Francesca and Elisabetta Grillo, were accused of racking up more than $1 million in charges on the couple’s credit card. Defense lawyers for the former employees have suggested that Nigella gave them free run to use the credit card in return for their silence about her drug habit. Well, it’s finally Nigella’s turn to speak. After the jump, some of the key parts of her testimony. Keep reading »

How To Tell If You (Or A Friend) Are In An Abusive Relationship?

abusive relationship woman alone

Does your significant other constantly chalk his bad mood up to something that you’ve said or done, then apologize almost immediately? Is your friend’s new beau always listening in to her phone calls or reading text message conversations over her shoulder? These seemingly normal scenarios can also fall into the category of abusive behavior, according to some relationship experts. “Any action that limits your freedom or self-expression could point to a pattern of control or abuse,” says author and relationship expert Maxine Brown. Read on for a list of more subtle signs that you or a friend may be in an abusive relationship on Your Tango…

Very Disturbing: Girl Caught On Video Beating Her Boyfriend In Public

Very Disturbing: Girl Caught On Video Beating Her Boyfriend In Public
Not OK.

This video of a girl berating her boyfriend — both verbally and physically — on the streets of Hong Kong reminds us that men can also be the victims of domestic violence. It’s never OK to hit your partner even if he did cheat or lie or invite the “ugly” girl over to his apartment or whatever his girlfriend is accusing him of. The most disturbing part though, is that it took so long for anyone to intervene and break up the argument. Keep reading »

Study: 50 Shades Of Grey “Perpetuates” Abusive Relationships

"50" Causes Divorce
kinky woman
Couple divorces because husband won't reenact "50 Shades." Read More »
Kinky Sex Myths
Five myths about kinky sex from "50 Shades Of Grey." Read More »

50 Shades Of Grey is still a thing people are talking about, I guess?  But the latest news isn’t casting rumors for the big screen adaption of E.L. James’ kinky sex trilogy — it’s a pearl-clutching new study that warns 50 Shades “perpetuates” abusive relationships.

The Journal of Women’s Health published a study earlier this week entitled “Double Crap! Abuse And Harmed Identity In 50 Shades Of Grey” by professor Amy Bonomi of Michigan State University and two other professors. The study, which focused on the first eight chapters of the first book in the series, found, according to Bonomi, that “50 Shades Of Grey perpetuates dangerous abuse patterns.” Keep reading »

Girl Talk: On Cutting Ties & Letting Go Of Toxic Relationships

FB Types To Unfriend
Eight types of people who are too negative to be your Facebook friend. Read More »
Dump Your Toxic Friend
Life is too short to have friends who suck. Read More »
You Got Banned
How Jessica learned to stop equivocating and remove the jerks. Read More »
ending toxic relationships

For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted people to like me. For years, I tried to please everyone, tried to juggle countless personalities and identities, hoping to please everyone and be universally liked. I tried to be everything to everyone, to the point where I didn’t know who I actually was. But as I’ve found my voice and begun to embrace who I truly am, I’ve come to realize that it’s not only impossible to try and please everyone; it’s harmful.

In the tattered scrapbook of old friends and extended family members, we all have one or two people with whom we continually clash. Perhaps it’s religious differences. Maybe it’s politics. It could be even be bad blood between other relatives or friends of yours. It could be anything. You may even learn to embrace the tension, to learn from the discord. But what if that relationship becomes more than a simple clash? What do you do when it turns toxic? Keep reading »

Rihanna Talks A Lot About Her Reunion With Chris Brown In Candid Rolling Stone Interview

Chris Brown & Abuse
On why our culture must take domestic violence more seriously. Read More »
Chris & Rihanna Back On?
And having bathroom sex? Read More »
Rihanna Talks To Oprah
A preview of Oprah's interview with Rihanna! Read More »
Chris And Rihanna
A timeline of Rihanna and Chris Brown's relationship. Read More »

Welp. There’s no denying it now. Rihanna is officially back together with Chris Brown, less than four years after he assaulted her to the point of hospitalization the night before the 2009 Grammy Awards. In the new issue of Rolling Stone, on stands this Friday (but excerpted quotes are already making the rounds), the singer is pretty straight up about her reasons for taking back her abusive ex. Check out some quotes from the interview, after the jump… Keep reading »

True Story: This Morning, I Watched A Man Commit Domestic Violence While Bystanders Did Nothing

Why Domestic Violence Victims Stay
domestic violence photo
Should we ask victims of domestic violence why they stay? Read More »
On Abused Women
Facts about Rihanna and other abused women. Read More »
Abusive Relationships
How to avoid them. Read More »
domestic violence

This morning, something weird happened: I woke up at 5:30 a.m. as alert as if I had been mainlining espresso. Anyone who knows me knows waking up at even 8 a.m. is a struggle for me. When I couldn’t fall back asleep, I got out of bed to shower and do my hair and makeup. It was still not yet 7 o’clock. So I sized up my overflowing hamper and decided I’d drop off my dirty laundry at the laundromat before work. I loaded my bag into my “old lady cart,” grabbed only my housekeys, and head out my front door in the drizzly morning.

That’s when I saw a guy roughing up a woman right there on the street. Keep reading »

Beauty Vlogger Covers Up To Expose Domestic Violence

Why Domestic Violence Victims Stay
domestic violence photo
Should we ask victims of domestic violence why they stay? Read More »
On Abused Women
Facts about Rihanna and other abused women. Read More »
Abuse Registry?
domestic violence photo
Should there be a registry for people who commit DV? Read More »
Watch Video

Lauren Luke, a very popular beauty vlogger, teamed up with the anti-abuse group Refuge to create a beauty video about covering up bruises caused by domestic violence. While watching this video, I knew that it was completely set-up. What I did not know, though, was that it would leave me with total body chills for awhile afterward.  Keep reading »

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