Tag Archives: suri cruise

Quickies: Suri Cruise Has Better Shoes Than You Do & Kanye West’s Decapitated “Monster” Model Speaks

  • In addition to these cutie-patootie galoshes, Star magazine claims Suri Cruise, age four, has a pair of mini Louboutin heels and several pairs of Marc Jacobs shoes. Let that sink in for a sec. [DListed]
  • Sean Penn allegedly told Scarlett Johansson she better go back to college, take a political science course, and better educate herself if she’s going to speak out about politics. That’s so douchey! I’ve never heard ScarJo say anything dumb about politics. She reportedly got dumped by him, but I’d be willing to bet it was the other way around. [Celebitchy]
  • Kanye West may have defiled the maidenhood of an Olsen twin. Rumor has it he was seen canoodling Mary-Kate Olsen, who is the “bad” one. This would be the weirdest couple ever. [Stuff NZ]
  • “The Undefeated,” a pro-Sarah Palin documentary, is getting a nationwide release. But first it has some salty language in it that needs to be cleaned up first. What would a hockey mom say? [NYMag.com]

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Department Of Nonsensical: Suri Cruise In Heels At The Beach

So, everybody knows that walking in heels in sand is virtually impossible. So why in the heck would both Katie Holmes and her little girl Suri Cruise wear heels to play around in the sand? The pair were spotted all dolled up at a Memorial Day beach party in Malibu. Ladies, ladies, ladies! Sensible flip-flops please! You’re making my calves hurt just looking at ya! Keep reading »

Frisky Rant: Katie Holmes, Penis Is Not A Dirty Word!

Who Has The Bigger Penis?
shirtless man photo
Whip 'em out, boys. We'll be the judge of that! Read More »
7 Famous Penises In History
David sculpture photo
This dongs will go down in the history books. Or should, anyway. Read More »

When I was five years old, I used to play with a little girl named Megan who lived across the street from my grandmother. One day, we were at Megan’s house playing with Barbie and Ken and I had a confusing realization. Grabbing the Ken doll, I asked Megan’s mom, “Why doesn’t Ken have a penis?” pointing out his vaguely bulging crotch. Megan’s mom immediately sent me home and told me to never come back. Apparently, “penis” was a dirty word in Megan’s house. (Ironically, there were other dirty things in Megan’s house, as she gave me lice.)

Katie Holmes kind of reminds me of Megan’s mom. Remember that photo of Suri Cruise holding a bag of penis gummies? (It’s, duh, above.) Well, Katie addressed the “controversy” on “Ellen” yesterday, although she couldn’t bring herself to actually say the word. Penis, I mean. Read on! Keep reading »

Suri’s Sexy Snack

Suri Cruise‘s snack time is sexier than most kids’. Katie Holmes gives her some gummy penis to munch on. She must have run out of the more appropriate gummy bears or gummy worms. No use in shielding her from the world forever. [TMZ] Keep reading »

Suri Cruise Is Nobody’s Fashion Darling

“The other day we came out of a store, and she said, ‘I want to go there,’ pointing at another store quite a distance away. In that store was the dress that she wanted. I said, ‘Wow, Suri. You’re something. You picked that out from a football field away.’”

Katie Holmes on her ridiculously fashion-forward daughter Suri. [Elle] Keep reading »

Suri Cruise Clings To Her Parents For Warmth In Freezing NYC

Seriously, what do Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ have against covering this child’s bare limbs? It’s straight-up freezing in New York City right now and I don’t leave my apartment without a sweater, a heavy coat, a scarf, and ear muffs. Meanwhile, Suri looks like she’s dressed for a balmy summer day in Miami. Get this child some pants and a jacket before she catches hypothermia! Keep reading »

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