Parody twitter feeds are one thing, but opening a parody business takes spoofing to a whole new level. A store called Dumb Starbucks opened this weekend in Los Angeles. Everything about the coffee shop is identical to a real Starbucks except the coffee is free and everything — including the menu and the CDs — has the word “dumb” in front of it. Although no one is taking credit for the “work of art parody,” a FAQ letter that hung inside Dumb Starbucks claimed that legally, the space is not coffee shop but an art gallery:
“The ‘coffee’ you’re buying is considered the art. But that’s for our lawyers to worry about. All you need to do is enjoy our delicious coffee!”
Keep reading »
Let’s all congratulate Seattle-based blogger Beautiful Existence (yes, that’s her legal name) for fulfilling her 2013 New Year’s Resolution. While most of us abandoned our goal to “eat less sweets” somewhere around the first week of February, Existence succeeded in her pursuit to eat nothing but Starbucks products for 365 days. When she had completed her challenge, the 40-year-old mother of two (don’t worry, her children were allowed to eat non-Starbucks) racked up more than a $4,000 bill, a wicked craving for anything fried and a blog to commemorate her Starbuckian year. Keep reading »
OK, it’s actually not quiiiiite that simple. Like, you can’t just go up to the counter and say, “Venti butterbeer, please!”, but thanks to the seasonal appearance of toffee nut syrup, you CAN order a Starbucks drink that tastes exactly like the butterbeer described in the Harry Potter books. Here’s the off-menu recipe for Muggles with a sweet tooth: Keep reading »
Just days after 12 people were killed in the Washington Navy Yard shootings, Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz penned an open letter to his customers respectfully requesting that they no longer bring guns into their 7,000 coffee shops. The company, which had previously supported by local “open carry” laws, has reversed its stance on firearms due to a recent “open carry” rally gone awry outside of a San Antonio store and some kerfuffles between pro and anti-gun activists. Read an excerpt from Schultz’s letter after the jump. Keep reading »
Damn you! You made me love you. I’ve been consciously resisting you since the late ’90s, when your chains starting popping up everywhere, putting my favorite high school coffee shop — Seattle Espresso — out of business. At first, I hated you on principle. I was young and idealistic and my favorite movie was “Reality Bites.” Then I got older and just hated you because your coffee sucks. Sorry, Jessica. Don’t get mad. I was a barista on and off in my late teens and early twenties. I know what a shot of fresh-ground, well-pressed espresso should taste like. I’m just gonna say it, Starbucks: your espresso tastes like burnt poop. (Full disclosure: I admit to, in times of extreme caffeine deprivation or desperation, drinking Starbucks. But this is only in extreme cases or when my dad takes me there because he loves your coffee.)
My half-hearted Starbucks boycott ended this weekend when I was starving and popped into one of your stores for a snack. I was thinking I would get a Kind bar to hold me over until I found something acceptable to eat and there they were staring up at me, looking all sexy, begging to be tasted. Your salad bowls. Hearty veggie and brown rice, zesty chicken and black bean and chicken and greens caesar salad bowl. Keep reading »
Wait, what? Look, Internet cats and sugary coffee beverage are my two favorite things in life. But Grumpy Cat branded Grumppuccino coffee? Debuting today (on my Instagram Grumpy Cat feed, off all places) the Grumppuccino drinks are a direct knockoff of Starbucks bottled coffee in its mocha, coffee and vanilla flavors. But instead of that mermaid with her green boobies, these bottles have Grumpy Cat on ‘em. I was hoping Grumppuccinos were some kind of meta-joke, but they appear to be as real can be. And at only $29.95 for a case of 12, a better deal than Starbucks. The Internet is weird. [Drink Grumpy Cat]
I’ve done a lot of questionable things inside of a Starbucks, usually involving an uncontrollable bout of hanger, but these people really take the cake. (A slice of iced lemon pound cake, that is.) Jennifer James and Mark Dixon of West Haven, Connecticut, are letting Starbucks customers choose their baby name. Dixon works in downtown New Haven and the couple frequents a Starbucks near the New Haven Green. Apparently a lot. So much so that they placed paper cups near the registers asking customers to cast a vote for their child’s birth name: “Help us chose our son’s (first) name, Jackson or Logan.” Customers voted on the names given, but also added write-ins, including Chaz, Webster, Lincoln and Jebediah. But ultimately, 1,800 voters at Starbucks have spoken and they have chosen Logan as the name. Little Logan Jackson Dixon is due in September. There’s no word yet on whether they’ll outsource other parenting decisions — cloth diapers or disposables! breastfeeding or formula! — to Frappuccino drinkers as well. [New Haven Register] [Starbucks logo via Shutterstock]
I love me some babies. But some parents are really the worst.
On Friday evening, Ruth Burgos of Denver changed her one-year-old son’s diaper on the seating area of a Starbucks because there was no changing area in the bathroom. An employee tossed a rag at Burgos, according to her husband Alex, and told her in a “demeaning” tone that she should sanitize the seat. “He said make sure to wipe the seat when you’re done,” Alex Burgos recounted. “They started talking amongst themselves and laughing about it.”
So her husband, naturally, decided to pour his venti coffee all over the floor. “And I said make sure you clean that,” he said. Employees and Alex Burgos then “exchanged strong words and hand gestures.” Starbucks responded, rightfully so, by calling police on them. Keep reading »
Starbucks’ baristas getting customers’ names wrong is the stuff of legends — and “Saturday Night Live” skits.
As a “Julie” I’m pretty much guaranteed to get a cup with “Judy” scrawled across it, but fuck it, I’ll live. Amelia’s gotten Amoeba. Ami’s gotten Emmy. The name Virginia, though, is apparently a bit trickier. Earlier this week, a woman named Virginia visited a Starbucks in Hong Kong and got a cup with “Vagina” scrawled across it. The woman’s sister was angered by the is-this-my-sister’s-name-or-my-genitals Starbucks experience, and posted a note on the store’s Facebook page. Keep reading »
Since it took, like, a humorously long time to get internet set up at my new place (silly Comcast!), I’ve spent the last week and a half working from coffee shops. And here’s the thing: no matter where I went, from a tiny hipster coffee shop to a bustling midtown Starbucks, I saw the same people. Not the exact same people, obviously, but the same basic cast of characters. Who are they? Read on to find out… Keep reading »