Oh, Mike. You’re such a creep. On last night’s episode of “Jersey Shore,” Mike tries to teach Snooki a lesson (his choice of words) by spreading the rumor that he or his friend called Jionni to tattletale about their alleged hookup. It’s hard to say whether doing that, or letting Snooki think he did that, is the more douchey thing to do.
So, thanks to him, we learned a new Jerseylicious acronym: GTD or “Gym, Tan, Drama.” Though GTD could just as easily be “Gym, Tan, Domestic Violence,” because Snooki freaked the f**k out on Mike and chucked like 12 wine bottles at his head.
Now, what The Situation did to her was bad. Really bad. But for the love of gelato, that was insane. Snooki is like the new Ronnie, which is to say an emotionally-stunted caricature of an adult human being.
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Teen bride Courtney Stodden, who single-handedly keeps the frosted lipstick industry afloat, supposedly set up that beach romp photo shoot to prove to the world that her assets — i.e. her globe-like breasts — are real. But my eyes were immediately drawn to another area of her body — those abs. While I suppose there is a teeeeeeny tiny chance that six-pack is the result of going daily super sexy sensual crunching exercises, they look spray-tanned on to me. Give me a hose and I will prove it! And when I’m done with her, I’ll take down these 20 other celebrities who got a little overzealous with the spray tanner.
In last night’s episode of “Jersey Shore,” Snooki learned some harsh truths about life. Namely, if you pull your dress up and show everyone your vagina in the club, your boyfriend will be angry at you. It’s a lesson we all must learn sooner or later, I suppose.
After the jump, the good, the bad , and the WTF moments of last night’s episode. Keep reading »
What a hot mess. No, I’m not talking about last night’s “Jersey Shore” episode — I’m talking about Snooki. The gang took a weekend trip to Riccione; it’s a beach town that’s supposed to be the Seaside Heights of Italy, only it’s a million times classier. Most of the house wants to enjoy the beach and the beautiful weather. Snooki and Deena, though, plunged face-first into daytime drinking and exhibitionistic foolishness with such enthusiasm that they pissed off the other roommates before it was even dark out. I don’t blame them! Babysitting drunk meatballs is not how I’d want to spend my vacation, either.
I think I’m over Snooki. Like, over. Every irresponsible and crappy thing she does isn’t her fault and she doesn’t deserve. Talk about entitlement. She’s like a little orange Lindsay Lohan. Find out more about why I’m finished, after the jump: Keep reading »
Anderson Cooper is trying to be the next Oprah, or at least the new Ellen, with his talk show. For the first episode on Monday, he sat down for a tearful talk with Amy Winehouse’s family. But for the second, he went to get a spray tan with Snooki of “Jersey Shore.” “Oh my god, you’re pale,” says Snooki, upon seeing Anderson for the first time. “That’s scary. Don’t worry, this isn’t gonna hurt.”
“It might hurt my dignity,” responds Anderson. Keep reading »
This may just be the most genius invention of all time. A video producer named Matt Richardson has created a remote control that automatically mutes out the voice of specific celebrities, as well as instances where someone else might be talking about them. Why? Because there is always a celebrity he can’t stand to hear about. “A while ago it was Charlie Sheen. And then it was Sarah Palin. And then it was Donald Trump. And after a while I realized there’s sort of always someone who I don’t really want to hear about,” Richardson explained. He says the first time he got it to work, “I was in silent bliss for that 30 seconds I didn’t have to hear about Kim Kardashian.” Apparently, Snooki ranks highly for him now.
So how does this work? Keep reading »
I say questionable because I’m questioning what it is. I mean, clearly it is a crown — and not a princess-y crown either, but one a queen would wear — on top of a bow. But, like, why? What is it saying about her? That she is Queen Hair Bow, ruler of the “Jersey Shore”? I can see the two elements making sense as separate, if ugly, body art, but the crown on top of the bow is strange. Who wears a crown on top of a bow? Seems to defeat the purpose of the bow, no? Maybe I am thinking too much about this. It’s Monday, my brain is working overtime. [Hollywood Hiccups] Keep reading »
Well. I do not like this Snooki/Jionni relationship one bit. Who dares call Snooki a “bitch” and say she’s embarrassing? Like that’s a bad thing? Of course she’s embarrassing! She’s Snooki. And I kinda love how the roommates all closed ranks to get her to realize that Jionni is a putz that doesn’t deserve her. It was a brief, fleeting moment showing that even if they’re actually good people deep inside. (Sometimes. A little bit.)
Find out more about Snooki’s relationship drama — and the infamous “meatball fight” — after the jump! Keep reading »
Are we surprised the Italians speak better English than the “Jersey Shore” cast does? Last night’s episode brought us new words like “romantical,” “conversating,” “twin sandwich” and of course, “twinning.” Why so much twin-talk? The Situation meets pretty blonde twins at a club — and one of them is a virgin — so naturally they bring these delightful specimens back to the house to smoosh. And true to the twin-theme, this episode had two times the drama: Keep reading »