Paris Hilton may have tumbled down the slippery slope from famous-for-no-reason to total irrelevancy, but apparently they still like her in France. Check out this new commercial, where she wrestles a woman for a zebra-print bag. Is it just me, or have homegirl’s acting skills seriously improved? [Radar]

US Weekly reports that Brazil’s Secretariat for Women’s Affairs is calling for a sexy beer commercial starring Paris Hilton to be pulled. The commercial advertising Devassa beer — which means “debauched” or “lewd” in Portuguese — features the skimpily-clad Hilton rubbing a can of beer sensually over her body while standing before a window of tongue-wagging onlookers. (Perhaps too much Devassa would explain what the hell Paris was doing when she was photographed on all fours recently?) “It’s an ad that devalues women — in particular, blond women,” the spokeswoman for the Secretariat claimed.

But what Brazil clearly does not understand is that here in America we have a rich cultural history of using women’s bodies and the promise of sex to advertise alcoholic beverages. Ugh. Get some frickin’ cultural sensitivity, Brazil. [US Weekly]

Poor, Paris. As she was headed to a meeting in Hollywood yesterday, static got a hold of her dress and wouldn’t let go. We feel her pain—this happens to us all the time when we skip wearing a slip during the winter. Luckily, we usually catch it before our skirt gets this far.

Last week, we blew the whistle on 14 celebrities that we’d come into contact with who were total jerks in person. So this week, we thought we’d be nice, and share 20 who we were pleasantly surprised to find were lovely in person. After the jump, find out who knocked our socks off…

Party girl Paris Hilton is in Rio de Janeiro promoting a Brazilian beer, which somehow involves wearing a see-through dress with visible thong and doing a “sexy dance” on all fours. WTF?

I’m so utterly obsessed with this photo, I think it might become my new screensaver. Oink, oink! [via Daily Mail]

How did we get to 2009 as the year of threesomes? Well, ‘09 has been the year of a lot of things. It has most certainly been the year of the “no good, very bad man” as sex scandals have raged over the illicit sex lives of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford, “Late Night” host David Letterman and, of course, Tiger Woods. It has been the year of Jon and Kate Gosselin. From separation to divorce, a day hasn’t gone by without one of the two of them making headlines, and the other appearing on the “Today Show” to talk all about it. It has been the year without Paris Hilton. Where did she go?

But at no other time in our collective consciousness has the three-way made such a foray into pop culture. In 2009, it was an omnipresent force. Read more ...

Paris Hilton (with bf Doug Reinhardt in tow) beat the Black Friday crowds and went on a shopping spree today, stocking up on who-knows-what at Fred Segal. Leave something for the rest of us, sheesh. [Los Angeles, 11/25/09]

• Paris Hilton is denying she and Doug Reinhardt got into another drunken fight and the LAPD were called to her house. [The Superficial]—Even heiresses can be abused, Paris.
• Model Jessica White has confirmed that she and Sean Penn were an item, but have broken up. Robin Wright Penn filed for divorce less than a month ago. [Us Weekly]—Does this mean their marriage is actually over this time?
• Rosie O’Donnell admitted on her Sirius Satellite radio show that her partner of five years, Kelli Carpenter, moved out two years ago. All of this was revealed with the help of a chihuahua and a pet psychic. [People]

The New York Post is reporting Paris Hilton and her boyfriend, Doug Reinhardt, had a “boozy grapple” after a Halloween party on Friday night that led to what I would call domestic violence. Hilton and her boyfriend attended Heidi Klum and Seal’s Halloween party and then hit up another bash at L.A.‘s Roosevelt hotel. When the couple got into their limo at 3:30 a.m., the publicity-hungry twosome were apparently three sheets to the wind. At some point during the drive home, witnesses, including paparazzi, allegedly saw a cell phone chucked from the limo’s window and then the vehicle abruptly stopped. Allegedly, Hilton got out of the limo, searched the ground for it (it was later located and given back to her by a paparazzo), and in front of a bunch of witnesses, scolded Reinhardt for throwing it out the window. When she got back in the car, Hilton allegedly slapped and kicked Reinhardt and he then used his left hand to choke and restrain her. “[Doug] was holding her around the neck saying, ‘Relax, relax,’” a photog told the Post.

• Halloween means spooky, spooky ghosts are lurking, so check out what you see in the above video. [Urlesque]—Scary crying ghosts girl or figment of the collective imagination?

We’re all relieved that Rachel Bilson may soon get her jeans back—I just don’t know if she’ll want them now that they’ve been worn by someone else. We’re also glad that Paris Hilton has already picked up of big chunk of the $2 million-worth of jewelry stolen from her home. In September, we reported that 18-year-old Nicholas Prugo had been arrested on suspicion that he took part in the burglaries of Lindsay Lohan and Audrina Partridge’s cribs, and we speculated on how long before he turned in his well-accessorized conspirators. Well, now the jig is up for Prugo’s fantastically dressed teen gang. Four teens have been charged in the robberies, and police expect to charge three more.

British TV presenter Fearne Cotton recently toured Paris Hilton‘s closet, and while we always suspected Paris owned a lot of crap, like Fearne, we were completely shocked by just how much stuff she has crammed in her shoe closet (which used to be a gym) and jewelry storage space converted from a sauna. In fact, she admits that she has to pay someone to organize it for her, and she keeps the overflow in the garage. Keep in mind, this is just her shoes and jewels. But hey, Paris isn’t alone. Lots of celebrities are sitting on a goldmine of crap (here are more closet tours to prove it). We have to wonder, though: What’s the difference between a celebrity and those tragic, mentally ill hoarders we’re always seeing on reality shows? Not much more than fame and a staff to manage it, perhaps.

Paris Hilton threw a surprise birthday party for her boyfriend Doug Reinhardt this weekend, and you’ll never guess what she did! I don’t even know where she came up with this. Are you ready? She jumped out of a cake! In a hot pink costume and black diamond mask no less! OMG, right?

No, seriously though, will famous people knock it off with the half-naked cake surprise? Every celebrity hussy has given it a go, from Scary Spice to Jessica Simpson to Jenna Jameson. Even Hugh Hefner wasn’t that psyched when Pamela Anderson came out of his 82nd b-day cake naked.

Last weekend, Paris Hilton freaked out when she found out she was seated next to Howard Stern and his wife at a Kylie Minogue concert in Las Vegas. Instead of starting a feud about their mutual distaste for one another, Paris politely asked to be moved. I wonder if her new next-seat neighbor was thrilled about the placement? [NY Post]

As you might imagine, with all the drama that goes down in celebrityville, sometimes people are put too close to the people who make their blood boil. That’s why it’s time for a game of celebrity musical chairs.

One thing’s for sure, that Frappaccino or whatever the hell it is means Paris Hilton certainly isn’t on a diet. Sure is a fancy top for a Coffee Bean run though. Wonder if the extra drink is for one of the paparazzi she speed dialed? [Los Angeles, 9/29/09]