I don’t know how, but it’s Wednesday again. Time to head over to TGIW for some wings and beer and pretend there aren’t 2.5 more days left in the work week. And with all the excitement of award shows and new TV seasons starting up again, you might not have realized that celebrities have been creating little scandals for our amusement! Or, more accurately, that the tabloid writers have been racking their brains to find fictional ways to thrill us. And because you’re an adult who doesn’t have time to worry about such pettiness, we’ve done it for you by compiling the most interesting stories from all your favorite tabloids. You’re welcome.

Yesterday’s episode of “Oprah” could have been subtitled “Women In Denial.” The talk show queen first sat down with Denise Richards, who spilled, oh, half the beans about her ex-husband, Charlie Sheen. Sheen was arrested on Christmas for allegedly assaulting his current wife, Brooke Mueller. Richards said Sheen called her from jail so he could wish their two kids Merry Christmas (Aww! Not.), but claims she didn’t inquire as to why he was in the pokey. Maybe because she could easily guess? Richards accused Sheen of being abusive during their very bitter divorce battle and even claimed she feared for her life. Richards told Oprah that Sheen was verbally abusive but that he never hit her, though she does admit he had pushed her—which qualifies as physical abuse in my book. While Richards was revealing more details than we’d known previously about their relationship, she still seemed weirdly ... defensive of him, despite acknowledging that he has an obvious and reoccurring problem, one that he has continually denied inflicting upon her or Mueller. Even Richards’ father, who was in the audience, seemed frustrated that his daughter continues to “go back” to Sheen. Check out a clip of the interview above.

Yesterday Rosie O’Donnell appeared on “Oprah” to promote her new HBO documentary, “A Family Is a Family Is a Family,” which is about the diversity of families around the world today. In the clip above, she opens up about her split from longtime partner Kelli Carpenter, and how she thinks lesbian divorces can be different from straight ones.

On Friday Lady Gaga appeared on “Oprah” for the first time, sitting down with the talk show queen to discuss her sudden success, as well as performing a few of her hit songs. She talked to Oprah about being inspired to write “Paparazzi” about Princess Diana, the origin of her name (the Queen song “Radio Gaga”), and what in the hell is going on with her outlandish costumes and everyday style. Check out part of the interview as well as her performance, after the jump. In the photo above, Oprah does her best Gaga impression. Not bad, but needs more blood.

First, Oprah announced that she was retiring from daytime TV in 2011. A few weeks later, Lance Armstrong announced that he was hanging up the bike helmet in 2011. On Monday, Miley Cyrus and Disney announced that “Hannah Montana” would be dunzo in 2011. Meanwhile, Tyra Banks and Simon Cowell can’t wait a year—both have said that at the end of this season of “The Tyra Show” and “American Idol,” respectively, that they are gracefully bowing out. So here’s my question. What’s up with people announcing their retirement three months to a year in advance? Is it for easy publicity? Or to make sure that their final season is thoroughly infused with over-the-top nostalgia? Or is everyone just wanting to chillax for a while, since the world is going to end in 2012 anyway?

Poor Oprah. Girlfriend is having a total midlife crisis! First she quits her cash cow of a TV show; now she’s hiring the screenwriter who wrote sadomasochism spectacular “Secretary” to work on a project together. Yep, you read that right: Oprah’s Harpo Films has teamed up with Erin Cressida Wilson — who wrote all those jerk-off-worthy spanking scenes in “Secretary,” starring Maggie Gyllenhaal and James Spader — to pen an hour-long series pilot for HBO. According to Variety, the show will be about a woman who ditches her “seemingly perfect” husband and kids in Santa Monica for the “underbelly” of Los Angeles, where she fulfills her “secret fantasies and desires.” Frankly, the words “Oprah Winfrey” and “spanking” appearing in the same paragraph makes us want to ralph. But we must admit we are intrigued about what these two ladies will cook up. [Variety] 

Yesterday, Oprah’s people announced the big O will be leaving her talk show. No need to get out the smelling salts, though. Her last show isn’t until 2011. Of course, it’s never too early to find a replacement. Who should be the next Oprah? Check out the top six contenders for the Oprah crown. [PopEater]

By now you’ve probably heard the news that Oprah Winfrey, queen of daytime television, will be quitting her talk show after its 25th season on September 9, 2011. Friends and fans have started reacting to Oprah’s news, including fellow daytime talk show host and co-covergirl on this month’s O magazine, Ellen DeGeneres who had this to say to her studio audience yesterday:

“Hey listen, I’m going to tell you some news you’re going to hear as soon as you go out into the world, when you leave here. Right before I came out here, I got a call from Oprah and she told me that she is announcing that next year will be her last year. It will be her 25th year, and she feels like it’s time for her to stop. I don’t think I could be here without her. I think she has blazed a trail ... She is an amazing woman. She will always be the Queen of Daytime Television, and she also said she is leaving me all of her money. I was like, thanks Oprah, thank you.”

Don’t worry, Ellen — you may not be getting all of Oprah’s money, but the departure of your biggest competitor sure can’t hurt your pocketbook. [via People.com]

It’s Wednesday, and is it just me, or has work been especially hard as we head towards the calorific holiday season? Just be glad that you won’t be critiqued by millions on your pecan pie-induced weight gain, and when you get too drunk at the office party, you won’t have to read about it on the cover of a magazine the next day. Celebrities aren’t so lucky. But their pain is our gain because their (possibly fictional) dramas are usually more interesting than anything we could make up on our own. And because we love you so much, we’ve read every tabloid that came out today and hand-picked the juiciest stories. Enjoy!

Today’s “Oprah” focused on the porn industry and how more women are watching adult films these days. While the show’s highlight, for me, was seeing journalist Lisa Ling’s reaction as she watched a sex scene being filmed, Oprah’s interview with former porn star Jenna Jameson, who is now retired from the industry, was fascinating, as well. Check out the clip above, where she talks about how many sex partners she’s had and what job she wanted when she was a little girl.

Sarah Palin was on “Oprah” today and it was kind of hard to watch without yelling at the television screen. So rather than sound like ranting crazy people, here are the things we really wanted to say to Sarah while we watched her on Big O’s couch.

The “Oprah Winfrey Show” has released a couple of clips from the interview with Sarah Palin, which will air on Monday. In one of the clips, Oprah asks Palin whether Levi Johnston, the father of her grandbaby, is invited to the Palins for Thanksgiving. The former Alaska governor replies:

“It’s lovely to think that he would ever even consider such a thing. Because, he is a part of the family and you want to bring him in the fold and kind of under your wing. And he needs that, too, Oprah. I think he needs to know that he is loved and he has the most beautiful child and this can all work out for good. We don’t have to keep going down this road of controversy and drama all the time. We’re not really into the drama. We don’t really like that. We’re more productive. We have other things to concentrate on.”

Well, so does Levi, Mrs. Palin, or haven’t you heard about his recent Playgirl shoot, hmm? But, really, can you imagine if Levi did join the Palins for Thanksgiving this year? I bet he’d have a hard time telling the difference between his son, Tripp, and Palin’s infant son, Trig. Awkward!

In February, 56-year-old Charla Nash was severely mauled by a 200-pound chimpanzee. Today, she appears on “Oprah” to talk for the first time about the ordeal that left her tragically disfigured. The chimp, Travis, was highly domesticated; he had appeared on TV commercials, enjoyed a diet of lobster, steak, and ice cream, and brushed his teeth with a Water Pik. But for unknown reasons, he suddenly viciously attacked Nash, a friend of his owner. After the incident, Travis was shot dead, but Nash lost her eyes, nose, lips, and hands. Although she remains in the hospital, she talked about her life after the attack. “I don’t ask a whole lot about my injuries. I know that I have my forehead,” she tells Oprah on today’s show. A clip is here, but it’s very graphic. You’ve been warned. [Oprah]

For only the second time ever, Oprah is sharing the cover of O Magazine. Ellen DeGeneres shot four covers with Oprah, but this one where Oprah is plugging in her lights is the best. Oh, and the last time Oprah shared her cover, it was with Michelle Obama. Nice company, E!

On yesterday’s episode, Ellen DeGeneres and her wife, Portia de Rossi, talked with Oprah about their careers, living life with compassion, and being the most high-profile lesbian couple in the world. Both Ellen and Portia discuss getting over the anxiety of publicly coming out as a lesbian, which Portia finally faced when she decided to date Ellen. “I faced every one of my fears to do it.” Portia says, “She did this for me, because I felt this overwhelming connection with her and I didn’t want to miss out. The love overcame the fear for me.” Clip above.

• Oprah will finally sit down with Sarah Palin on the Nov. 16 episode of her talk show. [What an awesome birthday present!—Editor] [TrèsSugar]—This is quite possibly the showdown of the century.
• “Real Housewife” Bethenny Frankel, who got engaged recently, admits she’s pregnant after internet rumors started to spread. [NYDailyNews.com]—Lesson learned: no matter what, you can never outrun the internet.
• Beer pong: the swine flu’s latest victim. A New York college has banned the playing of beer pong after several students contracted H1N1 during a weekend of partying. [Lemondrop]

Today’s episode of “Oprah” was both upsetting and inspiring. The five women in the clip above all contracted HIV from the same man—their boyfriend, Philippe Padieu, who was secretly wooing (and sleeping with) all of them (and then some!) at the same time. He knew he had HIV, yet didn’t tell any of them. Little did he know what they would do when they found out. The women banded together to warn others being seduced by Padieu’s charms and then went to the police. He was eventually sentenced to 45 years in prison. Kick. Ass. [Oprah]

Here’s a doozy of a celebrity lawsuit for you. Corrine Gehrls was a flight attendant on Oprah’s private jet, until she was fired in June. Apparently, a second flight attendant and Oprah’s goddaughter told the Big O that Corrine had sex with pilot Terry Pansing during a flight, and Oprah was not amused. Now, Gehrls is suing for $75,000, saying that the accusations are totally false and that she’s been defamed. The crux of her case are polygraph tests from both her and this pilot saying that they never bumped pelvises on duty. Oprah has a grand tradition of beating every lawsuit that comes her way—lord knows she can afford the lawyer bills—so do you think Gehrls has a chance on this? [Reuters]