Every Wednesday, the tabloids bring tragedy, intrigue, and lust into our lives. It’s kind of like modern-day soap operas, only instead of fictional story lines or made-up characters, they’ve cast celebrities you already know and love and pretend that it’s all 100 percent true. And since reality television has taken over for scripted drama, but real life is kinda boring, writers are forced to cook up dynamic story lines, and the line between what’s real and what’s fake is increasingly blurry. I’m not sure if gifting you with the most important stories is helping or hindering in our inevitable demise, but we are all just part of the system. So enjoy the tabs while you can. After the jump, this week’s big stories.
Keep reading »
And it features a who’s who of the most tabloid-y celebs EVER! Last night, towards the tail end of “The Bachelor” season finale (refer to the liveblog if you want the play-by-play), Tom Bergeron and former “Bachelor”/”DWTS” contestant Melissa Rycroft announced who would be shimmying when the show returns Mar. 22. Kate Gosselin! Pamela Anderson! That ESPN sportscaster who got peeped on in the nude (Erin Andrews)! That old guy from NASA (Buzz Aldrin)! Some football meathead with numbers in Spanish as his last name (Chad Ochocinco)! Plus, Evan Lysacek, Shannen Doherty (Brenda Walsh, y’all!), Niecy Nash, Nicole Scherzinger (from the Pussycat Dolls), Aiden Turner (some hot soap star), and, the final BIG ANNOUNCEMENT of the evening, “The Bachelor”‘s own Jake Pavelka. Seriously, I loathe “DWTS,” but even I may watch this season to see Pamela pop out of one of her costumes, Vienna sitting front row, and what they do to glam up Kate Gosselin’s hair. My early favorite to win? Evan Lysacek obviously. [EW] Keep reading »
“We were together for about 20 hours and I would say 15 of those hours were working on Kate trying to convince her to cut her bangs. I felt like she was hiding behind that front piece. My haircuts are $950. The color would have been about $500, and the extensions, which were great length extensions, would probably cost about $5000. I wanted to make sure I took her from being really ordinary to really extraordinary!”
—Hair stylist Ted Gibson on creating Kate Gosselin’s new post-divorce hair, which, despite the cost, is not actually solid gold [RadarOnline.com] Keep reading »
Now that the holidays are over, we’re expected to actually work on our New Year’s resolutions. Whatever they may be, the tabloids are here to help. Oh, you wanted to lose weight? Here are a bunch of celebrities in bikinis making you feel like a slob! Want to spend less time gossiping about people? Well, don’t worry; it’s perfectly innocent to read gossip about people, instead. And in case you wanted to save some money this year, we’ll save you $21.02 in weekly tabloid costs by hand-picking the most interesting stories, just for you! Keep reading »