I had a plan on September 10th, 2001. It was a rough plan, just broad strokes, really. But it was a plan. Because men make plans. You can’t build a bridge or pull off a bank heist or rescue a hostage without a plan. So I had a plan to get my life in order. It was a three-part plan. Part one: stop being fat and stupid. Part two: become rich. Part three: quit smoking. Keep reading »
UPDATE: Rachel Uchitel has said that she was “grossly misquoted” and is considering legal action against the NY Post for misconstruing the words below. Read more after the jump.
“I believe Andy was meant to die because he was too good … I’m almost happy it ended the way it did because I’ve learned so many lessons from him. It would have been tragic if we got into fights and then divorced … [If he had lived], I would be a fat housewife with three kids in Sands Point, Long Island.”
—Rachel Uchitel, who you know best as the VIP hostess believed to be one of Tiger Woods‘ many lovers, talks to Page Six Magazine about James Andrew O’Grady, her investment banker fiance who was killed in 9/11. Now, I know everyone handles grief and the process of moving on very differently, but still, these quotes strike me as pretty odd. I mean, yes, it would had been sad if their romance turned south, but somehow it seems more tragic that he was killed in the prime of his life? The full interview comes out on Thursday, so we shall withhold judgment until then. [NY Post]
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Whether you come down on the Republican or Democrat side, it’s hard not to watch this clip from “The Daily Show” and not be angry. As many of you know, a Republican filibuster
prevented a bill allotting funds to September 11th first responders to come up to a vote in the Senate. As John Devlin, one of the first responders says, “We’re patriots to this country. We went down there for the love of this country … . We didn’t turn our back on anybody … . For us to be here, still, nine years later just to be fighting for our health our compensation … ” Keep reading »
We’ve got a new one to add to the 10 stupidest 911 calls in recent memory. Audrey Scott, a 57-year-old from Alliance, Ohio, had a few to drink and then dialed 911 … looking for a husband. Yes, any husband. She did this five times to be exact and on the final try finally found a sympathetic voice on the other end of the line. “You need to get a husband?” he said, to which Scott replied, “Let’s do it.” Last week, she was charged with improper use of 911 and had to spend three days in jail. If she gets in trouble again in the next year, she’ll have to serve an additional seven days. Yes, she did a silly thing but, really, can you blame a woman for trying? Dating can be rough! If only you could dial three numbers and find the dude of your dreams. [AP] Keep reading »
I moved to New York City on July 1, 2001, a few weeks after graduating from college. That means it’s almost my nine-year anniversary in this city and next year’s anniversary will make me officially a “New Yorker.” But I think that if you lived here on September 11, 2001 and stayed, you get to call yourself a New Yorker regardless of how long you’ve had a 212, 917, 646, 718, or 347 area code.
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What’s a man to do when he’s desperate for a little phone sex but his cell phone is out of minutes? Call 9-1-1, the number that’s always free, of course! Joshua Basso, a man from Tampa, said his cell phone ran out of minutes Wednesday, so he called 9-1-1 with an emergency of his own. When 9-1-1 operators hung up on him, he called back four times, hoping to find someone to have sex with him. Police tracked his call and arrested him at home 15 minutes after his last call. He remains in jail without bail. The upside is he’ll have better luck finding a sex partner behind bars. [via TampaBay.com]
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Over the past few months, it seems like I can barely go a week without hearing a story about a looney tunes 911 call—from the women who called 911 to report that her daughter was better at oral sex to the man who dialed emergency services because a worker at McDonald’s had left the orange juice off his order. People, we get that 911 is strictly for emergencies, right? Right? Here are some of the best 911 calls of the past year. Keep reading »
An Ohio woman must have meant to call her shrink and not the police when she reported a crime of passion in her home. What was the crime? Her daughter had performed oral sex on her husband. (He’s the girl’s stepfather.) I think that’s against the law of basic human appropriateness, but unfortunately there is no legislation for oral sex in the state of Ohio. But oddly enough, the woman wasn’t actually upset about the BJ—she was upset about the quality of the BJ. Apparently, her daughter was better at it. The police did not show up with handcuffs (these loonies would probably think the police were showing up for a kinky orgy), but I’m hoping that they suggested serious therapy for all parties involved. Excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor. [Metro]
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