Tag Archives: 30 day breakup guide

30-Day Breakup Guide: Day 10

To celebrate the publication of our first-ever book, The Frisky 30-Day Breakup Guide, we’re re-running the original series that inspired it, and having writer Maude Standish bravely road test the book’s expanded tasks and tips. So follow along, chart your own progress, and find out everything else you need to know to forget he-who-shall-not-be-named!

Change Your Perspective
Find a museum in your city or town, and check to see if they have any current exhibits featuring female artists. If so, hop in your car and go — no matter how badly you want to continue watching “America’s Next Top Model” reruns and eating the rest of that bag of Bugles. Women’s perceptions of the world are distinctly different from the mainstream. Photographers Catherine Opie and Cindy Sherman have challenged the idea of traditional domesticity … Keep reading »

30-Day Breakup Guide Challenge: I Packed Up His Crap On Day 7

One of my ex’s and my favorite pastimes was going thrifting. We’d take long road trips, crisscrossing around Texas, getting fat off of pounds of barbeque and chocolate malts (with real scoops of ice cream), listening to Townes Van Zandt, taking photos of plaster Statues of Liberty growing old with roadside cactuses, and stopping in small towns for their church-basement thrift stores and roadside junk shops.

I’m remembering how he made me feel like I was being served the most curious and wondrous parts of life on a special platter. I know I should have tossed that tin of letters on the grill, poured lighter fluid over it and burned it in a cinematic climax moment. But I just couldn’t.

So it’s no surprise my whole house is now filled with debris from these adventures. Also, since Mister Frenchy Fry is an artist, I have little watercolors he painted for me, like the one of the albino alligator we saw in the New Orleans zoo (which, rumor has it, wandered loose around the streets after Katrina before being re-caged), and big paintings, Polaroids of storms coming in and of the birthday barbeque he threw for my 21st birthday (when I lost my ID and went back to using my fake for a whole year), and a psychedelic green chair—the one I made him pull over to buy and put in the back of his car. You get the picture: It’s a lot of stuff.

Knowing that not all of it was going to fit in a single box (and that, let’s be honest, I didn’t want to get rid of ALL of it), I opted for two huge plastic containers. I took down the photos of us, even if they were group shots, and put them in. I packed up sweaters of his, a white lace dress he gave me for Christmas and the dress my mom lent me for our first “official” date. I kept packing until they were filled and put them in storage.

The hardest thing to pack up was a tin of our old letters. I met Mister Frenchy Fry when I was still in college and he lived 90 miles away (a two-hour ride on the commuter train) in New York. When we first started dating (even before we became Friendster friends or said we were the big E: “exclusive”) we sent real, paper letters to each other weekly. I would go to campus mail and there would be a package filled with funny drawings, designs for the boat he was going to build for us to ride down the Hudson, a drawing of what he thought the inside of my brain looked like (a lot like Chutes and Ladders with ideas zooming about), our flag featuring an octopus which he sewed by hand, a zine about the feelings I inspired in him, and worst of all, detailed letters written in guy scrawl about the places we were going to go together and how we could take over the world.

Even just writing this my heart is beating faster.

I’m remembering how he made me feel like I was being served the most curious and wondrous parts of life on a special platter. I know I should have tossed that tin of letters on the grill, poured lighter fluid over it and burned it in a cinematic climax moment. But I just couldn’t.

So instead I shoved it into storage and took a 20-minute hot shower.

A lot of people (including commenters here) have been asking me why I’m not angry. Well, I am angry. I’m so mad that sometimes I just start screaming after we talk, or I write him long, verbal-diarrhea emails that tell him just who I think he is (at those moments it’s usually a jerk). But the truth is, I bear as much guilt in the dissolution of something magical as he does, and for every jerky action of his, I’ve responded with an equally bitchy reaction. Neither of us is the villain or the victim—we’re just people trying to figure out how to live in the wake of the disaster called heartbreak.

I hadn’t talked to him since I started living by the book. And then he called, late last night. Every time we talk it’s so confusing. I have to work so hard to fight off the urge to vomit and sob uncontrollably that I’m only half-present in the conversations. Add in a glass or two of wine and a late night and I actually often struggle to figure out what was really said. But basically, he had heard that I had started dating again and wanted to know if I still thought about him. It was all I could do not to tell him about this blog and say, “Hell, yes! I’m basically in a 12-step recovery program, complete with a support group (albeit an online one) to get over you.” Instead I’m pretty sure I just repeated the sentence “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do” over and over again in various tones of pathetic and agreed to meet up to talk this week.

I’m messing this up, aren’t I?

Photo: iStockphoto

For the next month, Maude will be road-testing our new book, The Frisky 30-Day Breakup Guide, written by Jamie Beckman, documenting her experience along the way. For more information on the book (including where to get your own copy!), click here!

Follow The Entire 30-Day Breakup Calendar By Clicking Here

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30-Day Breakup Guide: Day 9

To celebrate the publication of our first-ever book, The Frisky 30-Day Breakup Guide, we’re re-running the original series that inspired it, and having writer Maude Standish bravely road test the book’s expanded tasks and tips. So follow along, chart your own progress, and find out everything else you need to know to forget he-who-shall-not-be-named!

Read A Book You Loved
Figure out where your closest public library is. Go there and get a library card if you don’t have one already. Remember wandering the stacks in grade school? Chances are you read something as a little girl that jump-started your imagination or inspired you to do something silly. Keep reading »

30-Day Breakup Guide: Day 8

To celebrate the publication of our first-ever book, The Frisky 30-Day Breakup Guide, we’re re-running the original series that inspired it, and having writer Maude Standish bravely road test the book’s expanded tasks and tips. So follow along, chart your own progress, and find out everything else you need to know to forget he-who-shall-not-be-named!

Buy A Dress
It doesn’t matter if you’ve lost a few pounds in saltwater from crying this week or gained five thanks to your newfound Caramel Frappuccino habit. You’re hauling it to the nearest H&M or Express — or subscribing to a great clothing website like Shop It To Me — and buying the brightest frock you can find. Keep reading »

30-Day Breakup Guide: Day 7

To celebrate the publication of our first-ever book, The Frisky 30-Day Breakup Guide, we’re re-running the original series that inspired it, and having writer Maude Standish bravely road test the book’s expanded tasks and tips. So follow along, chart your own progress, and find out everything else you need to know to forget he-who-shall-not-be-named!

Box Up His Crap
Get a box. A shoebox will do for a shorter-term relationship. A ream-of-paper-size box from your office’s supply room will do for a long-term relationship. Now start throwing any relationship-related stuff in it. If you want to burn the Patriots jersey he left at your place, or sell it on eBay, or toss it (with a nice flourish) into a city dumpster, fine. But you can’t do that with everything. A short list of items that must go, after the jump … Keep reading »

30-Day Breakup Guide: Day 6

To celebrate the publication of our first-ever book, The Frisky 30-Day Breakup Guide, we’re re-running the original series that inspired it, and having writer Maude Standish bravely road test the book’s expanded tasks and tips. So follow along, chart your own progress, and find out everything else you need to know to forget he-who-shall-not-be-named!

Go Grocery Shopping
You’re single now, and you can buy what you want. No picking up bacon and Budweiser or catching flack from a guy for your steady Diet Coke habit. He hated Pirate’s Booty? Guess what: you’re buying three bags. Keep reading »

30-Day Breakup Guide Challenge: Having A Drink With My Girls On Day 4

The average American woman will be dumped (i.e., have her heart torn out, while still beating out of her chest, Indiana Jones-style) at least 2.47 times in her life. Well, actually I just made that statistic up. But it sounds realistic, right? Because, for the most part, we have all experienced something akin to heartbreak and know the sort of seasick feeling it can leave you with for days (in my case months) after. And yet, each one of us thinks our breakup story is somehow fundamentally important and riveting for others to hear.

After a breakup we find ourselves repeating the story of our split like it’s a mantra for why we haven’t brushed our hair or have taken to wearing our period panties when it’s not our time of month. Once in a while someone will lean over and give us life advice, like there is no reason to store empty beer bottles under the bed or it’s very weird and inappropriate to constantly let your cat watch you go to the bathroom, and instead of internalizing this valuable information, we’ll take a bite of the grotesquely sweet thing we are eating, and say, “You know I was dumped recently?” Keep reading »

30-Day Breakup Guide: Day 5

To celebrate the publication of our first-ever book, The Frisky 30-Day Breakup Guide, we’re re-running the original series that inspired it, and having writer Maude Standish bravely road test the book’s expanded tasks and tips. So follow along, chart your own progress, and find out everything else you need to know to forget he-who-shall-not-be-named!

Buy A Ticket
Today, you’re going to plan to get the hell out of Dodge. Take a minute and think about all of those friends and relatives you probably neglected when you were off in Coupleland. Keep reading »

Q&A: Jamie Beckman, Author Of “The Frisky 30-Day Breakup Guide”

Last July, The Frisky ran a 30-day guide to getting over a breakup, penned by writer Jamie Beckman. The calendar was such a hit that a publishing company approached us about expanding the idea into a book, which we immediately put into Beckman’s trusty hands. Now, nearly a year later, we’re celebrating the upcoming release of The Frisky 30-Day Breakup Guide by re-posting the original tips (which have been expanded upon in the book) and having a newly single writer test drive the book’s advice. So what’s the story behind Beckman’s brainchild? It should come as no surprise that bouncing back from her own breakup inspired her to offer advice to other women going through similar heartbreak. After the jump, Beckman tells us what she learned from her breakup, how a recipe for key lime pie helped dry her tears, and what separates The Frisky 30-Day Breakup Guide from other self-help mumbo jumbo. Keep reading »

30-Day Breakup Guide: Day 4

To celebrate the publication of our first-ever book, The Frisky 30-Day Breakup Guide, we’re re-running the original series that inspired it, and having writer Maude Standish bravely road test the book’s expanded tasks and tips. So follow along, chart your own progress, and find out everything else you need to know to forget he-who-shall-not-be-named!

Get A Drink With Your Girls
It doesn’t matter if they’ve never met each other. Tonight, they’ll sit on your right and left sides at a bar, forming a sort of She-Ra-esque force field. Your friends will intercept and rebuff any men who try to hit on you, because this evening is about you, quality cocktails, and your pals reassuring you that it’s gonna be OK. Keep reading »

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