The average American woman will be dumped (i.e., have her heart torn out, while still beating out of her chest, Indiana Jones-style) at least 2.47 times in her life. Well, actually I just made that statistic up. But it sounds realistic, right? Because, for the most part, we have all experienced something akin to heartbreak and know the sort of seasick feeling it can leave you with for days (in my case months) after. And yet, each one of us thinks our breakup story is somehow fundamentally important and riveting for others to hear.
After a breakup we find ourselves repeating the story of our split like it’s a mantra for why we haven’t brushed our hair or have taken to wearing our period panties when it’s not our time of month. Once in a while someone will lean over and give us life advice, like there is no reason to store empty beer bottles under the bed or it’s very weird and inappropriate to constantly let your cat watch you go to the bathroom, and instead of internalizing this valuable information, we’ll take a bite of the grotesquely sweet thing we are eating, and say, “You know I was dumped recently?” Keep reading »













