Yeah, so, yesterday Star said that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie got married in a New Orleans ceremony. Today, Us Weekly and People have sources saying that it’s total hogwash. This has been the biggest emotional rollercoaster of a weekend of our adult lives.

Although Benjamin Franklin had a hand in a lot of great American accomplishments, he never put the moves on Betsy Ross, the lady who stitched the first flag—that is, until now.  Philadelphia’s favorite Benjamin Franklin impersonator, Ralph Archbold, is engaged to the best Betsy Ross impersonator, Linda Wilde.  Oddly enough, the couple met at a wedding on September 1st, the same date our forefather Franklin married his wife in 1730. The betrothed modern day Betsy and Benjamin are both widowers with an interest in history, role-playing, and costuming. My Jewish grandmother would call them bashert, but the serendipity of it all doesn’t require Yiddish. Congratulations to the happy historical couple!  [Santa Cruz Sentinel]

A couple who had their first date at a Menards home improvement store in Kearney, NE, got married there on Friday in a kitchen display. Gaylan Whitwer and Francine Brickner-Whitwer remodel homes as a hobby and spend all of their spare time and money at Menards, so they felt it was the perfect place for them to get married. The couple kept the ceremony a secret from family and friends—but a bunch of random people probably walked by as they shopped for pressure-treated pine lumber and the like. [AP]

Oh, Bridezillas, what will you think of next? An article in the Telegraph (U.K.) says that one in five brides-to-be is so concerned that her bridesmaids won’t be up to snuff on the big day that she would ask them to sign written “pre-nuptial agreements”, according to a new poll, while 48 per cent said they would fire a bridesmaid who failed to stick to the rules. So what exactly are these rules? Gaining any weight before the wedding and getting pregnant are among the no-no’s, because everyone knows that a wedding day is the bride’s big day and no one, NO ONE, will steal her thunder or make the ceremony a fat fest! Honestly, though, I am confused. I thought bride’s liked their bridesmaids to be a lil’ on the dumpy side so that they stood out as the hottest chick there in comparison? Isn’t that the basis for hideous bridesmaids’ dresses? Who cares if your cousin Sue puts on 10lbs because she’s depressed and lonely? I’m kidding. My bridesmaids, should I decide to inflict the cost of the honor upon any of my friends, can be any size they want and I’ll even make sure to pick out totally cute dresses for them—so long as they plan a killer bachelorette party. [Telegraph U.K.]

In a list of things that make me want to barf about weddings, web-style acronyms for wedding terminology is high on the list. Lucky for me, Real Simple went and published the list online so that if I ever decided to go bulimic, I will have plenty of inspiration for gagging. [Real Simple]

Honestly, this puts all those couples swaying around to Etta James’ “At Last” to shame. [YouTube]