“I was 15. It was out in the woods with a girl I had just met who my buddy set me up with. The whole thing lasted two seconds. It was really awkward. Two years later I had sex with her again just to show her the first performance was a fluke and I’d gotten better.”—Ashton Kutcher, on his first time, in the May 2008 issue of Details. We’ve been there too, Kutch.

I will forever associate my virginity with toads. No, this is no allusion to fairy tales, no delusions of princess-like grandeur.  To my grave disappointment, at no point during my epic virginity-losing did the pimply faced amphibian straddling me morph into a dashing prince. The reason I associate my deflowering with toads is because instead of a Bon Jovi ballad or a sweet Sarah McLachlan serenade, I lost my virginity to the unlikely ribbits of toads.Namely those in that famous Budweiser commercial – you know, BUD. WEIS. ER.

Romance, bitches, is not dead.

New Jersey native Sarah Reilly, 25, gives The Frisky the dirt on why she’s waiting for wedding bells before she does the dirty. It’ll truly be a Snow White Wedding…

So when and why did you decide to save yourself for marriage?
Well, my dad is a pastor and when I was a child my parents explained to us, my brother and sisters and me, why sex is beautiful and why it’s important to wait for that someone special. And on my 13th birthday I promised my parents and God that I would wait and my parents gave me a promise ring.

Over a decade after Britney claimed she was saving herself for marriage, the Jonas Brothers, a popular teeny-bopper boy band, have decided to take a vow of celibacy too. The trio of short, dark, and handsome teens told Details Magazine that they even bought rings to commemorate their commitment to chastity from Disney World and Tiffany’s. (How punk rock!) Although it’s not actually working as kryptonite for their hordes of screaming girl groupies, the Christian rockers turned pop stars, who are now owned by Disney, want to stay shining examples of purity.  Their tour director, Rob Brenner, who had worked with Spears, sees abstinence as a way to keep the boys focused and grounded, while avoiding the pitfalls (i.e. drugs, pregnancy, general craziness) of other stars who make it big when they’re young.

American Idol always gives us plenty of hysterical tidbits and this year has been no different. First there’s Alexis Cohen, the 23-year old glitter covered Grace Slick fan from Pennsylvania who sounded like an old Jewish grandmother; then there’s the Simon-obsessed Renaldo Lapuz who wrote a rather catchy diddy called “I Am Your Brother”; and, lastly, there’s this guy—Bruce Dickson. Bruce is a virgin, has never kissed a girl, and is not planning to until he gets married! In fact, he and his Dad each wear one part of a purity necklace, shaped like a heart and a key. When Bruce meets that one lucky lady (who’d better be as pure as he is!), Bruce’s daddy is going to give her his necklace so that now, Bruce will have the key to her heart. So, on one hand we’re majorly creeped out—we’ve never heard of fathers and sons making purity pledges! Isn’t that kind of pervy and gay? But on the flip side, it is totally nice that the completely misogynistic and sexist traditional of father’s guarding the purity of their daughters might be on its way to becoming co-ed. [YouTube]

Much like you suspected in high school, your Sex Ed teacher was full of…outdated information. While you were tortured with a slew of un-scientific reasons why you had to keep it in your pants until marriage, help is finally here for the next generation of blue-balled teens. A study of a cross section of Americans that began in 1996 has concluded that people who started having sex too early or too late have a much higher chance of developing sexual dysfunction. While getting laid for the first time may be over oh-so-quickly, it turns out doing it between the average ages of 17 and 22 will keep you lovin’ long time. Now maybe health class can teach what you really need to know for good long-term sexual relations—how to find the clitoris.