You know what has always struck me as unfair? That Valentine’s Day is largely considered to be a holiday for women. In all the ads for the holiday, jewelry, chocolates, flowers, etc. are all gifts given to women, from their devoted, tie-clad husbands and boyfriends. Bu what about dudes? Don’t they want cheesy tokens of love and affection too? Wouldn’t they like to be taken out for a romantic dinner or given a nice piece of man jewelry? (By which I mean a watch. Men should not wear any jewelry outside of a watch and a wedding band. That is a rule.) The first Valentine’s Day I spent with my ex, five years ago, we went out to dinner, but his parents had called up the restaurant and pre-paid for our meal, as a surprise. (I guess they had a sense that I was “The One,” which used to make me go, “Aww,” but now makes me go, “Oops!”) I, however, felt like getting him something too, and ended up giving him four new wine glasses—partially as a joke because I had broken one of his the week before. The point is, don’t men deserve and want a little wooing? And if so, how do they want to be wooed? I asked the fellas.

Feminine touches make a house a home, but before you invite a man back to your place on Valentine’s Day, you’ve gotta make it dude friendly. Think of it like baby proofing a place, but for the other kind of baby!  You don’t want him to get turned off by your knickknacks when he’s already turned on by the mere thought of seeing your junk.  So, here’s how to get your space ready for sexy time….

Oh Valentine’s Day. So loved. So hated. But it’s so cliche to assume that Valentine’s Day is loathed by lonely singles and celebrated with enthusiasm by blissfully in love couples. After the jump, a happy singleton defends Valentine’s Day, while an equally as content monogamist explains why she and her boyfriend have no interest in February 14th.

Guys have it easy when it comes to Valentine’s Day gift giving. There are so many completely obvious options: lingerie, flowers, jewelry, chocolate. Sure, we might not want those things, but at least it’s a starting point. To help you find a gift for your boy that will be appreciated, we asked eight guys in cities around the country what they hope to get on Feb. 14.

I’m not sure how I feel about this. Am I supposed to take this Angelina Jolie lipstick and stick it in my mouth? And Brad Pitt, too? For some reason, these micro-sculpted lipsticks of the heads of the Two Greatest Celebrities of Our Time make me want to bite off their craniums. But maybe that’s just me. Feelunique.com has teamed up with artist Willard Wigan to create these micro-lip-stars, which are being sold on eBay to raise money for breast cancer awareness. It’s an homage to the “most kissable couple” for Valentine’s Day, apparently. Frankly, I don’t know if either one of these busts looks like Brad or Angie. Brad looks more like some depressed businessman debating whether or not to throw himself out the window. Angie looks like she caught a really strong headwind. And God knows what they’d look like after you used them. Or maybe you’re not supposed to use them. Just stick ‘em in the fridge or something. Who knows! It’s for charity. So, I guess, that’s, like, a good thing. So far, the top bid is £205, or $303. [Feelunique.com]

Valentine’s Day sucks for single people.  Yeah, that’s what your disgustingly cute couple friends think, but they’ve got their heads too far up each others’ butts that night to look around and see how many people are out, single and ready to mingle! Unless you’re a sappy saint, getting laid on V-Day is like buying candy from the drug store. You can get whatever you like cheap and easy!  So miss, don’t get sour, go out and eat someone sweet. Here’s how to really feel screwed on the Hallmark holiday….

Couples always seem to catch a lucky break over Valentine’s Day. They can’t just be happy to have someone to spend the day with. No! That’s not enough for couples; they seem to get all the cool Valentine’s Day promotions as well. For example, many hotels are offering cute weekend getaways, restaurants always have romantic dinner specials, and the most relaxing place in the world, the spa, is offering couples massages and packages. Everywhere I look, it’s “free for couples” this, and “lovers special” that. Ugh! Well, it’s time I take my frustration out on something…

Love is in the air and on your iPhone. The phone that does it all has created some interesting applications to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Everyone knows about edible candy hearts, but now, candy hearts are virtual. The Candy Hearts app allows you to write a cute inscription to your loved one, up to four lines and you can pick any color to put them on. iFlirt is a little lamer, and includes pick-up lines, flirting and dating tips—just in case you’re still trying to land a Valentine’s Day date. iDesire will get you in the mood for love—just shake the phone to spin the wheel and perform commands on your partner, like touch kiss or lick your partner’s ears neck or cheek! [I really hope “penis” and “vagina” are among the body parts.—Editor] Love quotes is the application to impress someone with your extensive poetic knowledge. Browse the library filled with romantic poetry and woo your significant other by quoting a few phrases. Obviously, if a drunk guy stumbles up to you at the bar on 2/14 and starts slurring Elizabeth Barrett Browning with an iPhone in his hand, you’ll know wassup. And my personal favorite, iPropose, lets you send your marriage proposal over the phone with a yes or no option. This phone really can do everything, including sucking the romance out of a marriage proposal. All apps are $.99. [iTunes]

Sometime when I wasn’t looking, Valentine’s Day metamorphosed from a C-list kids’ holiday, with pink and red candy and construction-paper hearts, into an extravaganza. The regular-person equivalent of Oscar Night, but instead of Best Picture or Best Supporting Actress, prizes are given for Best Achievement in the Acquisition of a Leading Man.

But what if you don’t have a new pet “project” to promote or arm candy to show off? Better stay home rather than remind everyone that you couldn’t land the role of girlfriend, even for one night. Cause being single is cause for as much mortification as a bad dress on the red carpet.

We asked you to send us stories about your best and worst Valentine’s Day. After the jump, Eddie tells about he impressed (and surprised) his lady with a home cooked meal.

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, Dita Von Teese has dished her saucy secrets on how we regular gals can show off our sex appeal like a pro!  The glamour girl sat down with Fabulous mag and shared her smooth moves, and we busted out our pen and took some notes.  Here’s what we learned about Miss Dita’s jaw dropping boudoir behavior after the jump….

Every woman has been faced with the dilemma of what to wear on a date. We’ll ask anyone in earshot, including the fitting room attendant, but we hardly ever consult the person who has to accompany us on said date. Thankfully, The New York Post asked men what they want their date to wear on Valentine’s Day. Surprisingly, some got more creative than just saying, “Nothing.”

Valentine’s Day is this weekend, and once again I’m reminded how irrelevant the occasion is to anyone who’s actually in love. Aside from kids and their handmade cards, Valentine’s Day is really just for the lonely, sad, and insecure. Think about it. When was the last time you heard anyone who was happily coupled up express anything remotely resembling excitement over the big day? More likely, they don’t express any thoughts about it at all. Because happily coupled up people don’t think about Valentine’s Day. And why should they? If couples are doing it right, they don’t need to wait for some manufactured Hallmark occasion to celebrate their love.

Valentine’s Day is probably the most emotionally charged day of the year—and we’re not just talking about lovey-dovey feelings (although there is a lot of that). To celebrate cupid’s special day, we’re posting your stories about your best and worst Valentine’s Days. To submit, email vdaytales@thefrisky.com by Monday, Feb. 9, and include “Best Valentine’s Day” or “Worst Valentine’s Day” in the subject.

After the jump, Roz shares the sad tale of how her nine-year marriage ended after an instant messaging slip up.

Full disclosure: I am not a fan of Valentine’s Day. Part of it is sour grapes—I’ve been dumped on V-Day. Twice. Every year, I start looking for somewhere to point the finger, and I’m not necessarily talking about the index one. Who was this St. Valentine dude, and how did he inspire this holiday?

Unfortunately, not too much is known about him. No one knows what he looked like or even what his pre-saint name was. This is partly because back in the Roman days, a lot of Christians killed for their beliefs, and thus named saints, were dubbed St. Valentine. In fact, there were so many of them that in the official Roman Martyrology, there are three Saint Valentines listed as having died on Feb. 14.

There are lots of stories out there about who the St. Valentine was. The only things that seem to be consistent are that he was a priest in Rome during the reign of Emperor Cladius II and that he was killed in the year 270 A.D. After the jump, our favorite myths and theories as to the rest of the story.

Hi, I’m Dr. V. I’m not a real doctor. I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady—-a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. At least I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! Every Friday, I dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Let’s get this party started …

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and you know what they say, ladies—the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Since we’re typically more interested in getting into his pants, here are some edible aphrodisiacs that are so yummy, he can already taste it!

I’m already a fan of the strange creature art made by LA-based artist Liz McGrath—and I love this weirdly special, customized Valentine’s Day gift that she’s selling in her online store. If you want to say “I love you” this Valentine’s Day in a totally unique way, McGrath’s four-inch, mini-butcher knife with your loved one’s name painted on it is sure to drive your message home to the heart. It comes in its own special knife box, it’s dusted with glitter, and it’s only $25. Remember: “The heart has its reasons, of which reason knows nothing.”—Blaise Pascal [Boing Boing]