Where would we be without social networking sites? We’d never know that the cheerleader who made fun of us in high school got fat, or that the boy who pulled our pigtails in elementary school got married to the girl who gave our boyfriend chlamydia in college. You’d have no idea that the world was so small, that your best friend is currently “totally stressing,” or that your mother knew how to upload pictures. And who do we have to thank for these little joys? The men of MySpace, Twitter, and Facebook, of course, who all happen to be smart, wealthy and hot! Even though Rupert Murdoch (who bought MySpace for $580 million) said the site is for stalkers, and Facebook is rife with Obama haters who want him dead, and Twitter hasn’t earned a single dollar in revenue, these are our boys. And we know just what to do with them.

Tori Spelling has been in and out of the hospital all week, complaining of severe abdominal pain. Apparently, seeking treatment has brought no relief, or even a conclusive diagnosis. I know this because her husband, Dean McDermott, has been keeping me posted 140 alphanumeric characters at a time. Tweeting about going to the hospital seems a surprising way to handle stress when a loved one is ill—at first. When I went back further into Dean’s twitter history I noticed he’d had an unspeakably unpleasant flu virus earlier this month. I noticed because he squawked, I mean tweeted, about his own discomfort more than he tweeted about Tori’s. To be fair, several tweets were concern for the health of his family, as he started his own recovery. There was something familiar, though, about the progression of these sick celebrity tweets. Has it become a celebrity trend to tweet health updates to concerned fans? After the jump, five more cases of celebrities tweeting their sickness.

Have you been keeping up with how the media’s all atwitter over a tweet sent by blogger and entrepreneur Penelope Trunk? She wrote a very strange message on her Twitter, essentially telling the world that she was in a board meeting and was having a miscarriage. The response to this 140-character blurb has been extreme, even in the lady blogosphere:

The actress posted this photo on her Twitter and tweeted, “my dream…true blood is AMAZING.” Is this a little hint to Alan Ball that she’d like to put on some fangs? [via sevinnyne6126]

Is it just me or has 2009 been “The Year of Ridiculous Fights” for Perez Hilton? Sure, his derogatory blogs are sure to annoy even the thickest-skinned celebrities, but this year he seems to be digging in and truly getting under some celebrity skin. Of course, he’s at it again—this time his opponent is Demi Moore. The issue? Some suggestive party pics of her 15-year-old daughter Tallulah Willis. I’m sure you can imagine where this one’s going. That’s right ... a Twitter war.

The clouds have parted, the sun has emerged, and the heavens are singing. The world’s greatest fashion designer (in my—totally correct—opinion), Alexander McQueen, is now on Twitter! Lee [That is, apparently, McQueen’s nickname or something.—Editor] and his posse started emitting tweets earlier this week at @McQueenWorld. Racked has confirmed it’s the real deal. While they’re not tweeting up a storm just yet, it sounds like they’re gearing up to Twitter about Fashion Week from behind the scenes at McQueen. To quote Rachel Zoe: “I die.” [Racked]

I just searched the word “horny” on Twitter (What? It’s lunchtime.) and discovered something interesting. Instead of getting predominantly “I’m so horny, OMG, I need to get laaaaaid”-esque results, I found a plethora of tweets from people advertising that they’re looking to have sex. With you. Now. If you’re into BDSM, that is.

Now that Craigslist has started actively policing the Casual Encounters ads, have people taken their hot and horny business elsewhere, namely Twitter? Most of the ads end up linking back to sexytime “dating” sites like GetItOn.com, which has clearly implemented a new Twitter marketing strategy. Other companies using Twitter to market their “services” include SwingLifestyle.com and Cams.com, which features “live” web cam porn. But what about users operating on their own? One user, “3xgayLA”—who describes himself as “hung”—is looking for a “horny bottom,” but then links back to a Craigslist ad, which features proof of, um, just how hung he is.

#Itsnotcheating is a trending topic that’s been all the rage on Twitter. The glimpse into the human psyche’s thoughts on infidelity that it provides is terrifying! As in “It’s not cheating if it happens in Cancun!” terrifying.

After the jump, check out Twitter’s list of mucho slippery ways to cheat that some peeps shockingly think are a-OK. We’re hoping some of these are jokes!

Iconic New York City boutique, Henri Bendel is embracing the future. Instead of the standard slim mannequins draped in high end gear, the Fifth Avenue store has hired live models for their display windows. These girls are not posing for your viewing pleasure, instead, they are Facebooking. (And you thought it was tough working at Hollister...) How to participate and win a Bendel’s shopping spree, after the jump…

Here’s something I can give Sarah Palin credit for: She is not a poseur. When she stepped down as governor of Alaska, she kindly relinquished her Twitter handle, @AKGovSarahPalin. Her final tweet read, “Last state twitter. Thank you Alaska! I love you. God bless Alaska. God bless the U.S.A.” Then, silence.

Since, Sarah has taken to long-form writing on her Facebook page, going on and on in footnoted posts about how Obama’s proposed health-care plan would have babies like Trig face “death panels.” (Huh?) But let’s face it. Even Sarah’s fans don’t want more than 140 characters of her musings. So, thank goodness Sarah has set up a new Twitter feed: @SarahPalinUSA. She has yet to tweet a single character, but here are our predictions as to what she’ll tweet.

First came tweets from space. Then there were tweets from the grave. Most recently, tweets came from the maternity ward. Now, London’s Royal Opera House, one of the most prestigious opera companies in the world, is producing a Twitter opera that will debut next month. Every line in the show will be a tweet of 140 characters or less that was posted on the company’s Twitter page. If you want to contribute, check it out on ... where else? Twitter.

In the world of Facebook and Twitter, it’s beginning to feel like not much is sacred or private. On Tuesday, Sara Williams, wife of Twitter CEO Evan Williams, pushed the boundaries of discretion even further, when she tweeted about being in labor ... while it was happening. She told her 14,000-plus followers when her water broke, when her contractions got painful, and when she got her epidural. And she’s not alone. Some women find it necessary to dish the deets of childbirth live via Twitter, including Erykah Badu.

Twitter is down for the count. The massive social stalking site, depended on by 45 million bored office workers, celebrity-obsessed girls and tech-savvy geeks, is down due to “a denial-of-service attack.” People who perpetrate attacks like this use millions of computers to access a specific site. The site can’t handle the massive increase in new users and has to shut down. I could let this slide if the rest of my social-networking sites were working. But, horror of horrors, Facebook and LiveJournal are having issues, too! This is kind of like a social apocalypse. Looks like I’m going to have to work on that report I’ve been procrastinating on after all. Or pretend it’s 2003. I wonder how Friendster’s doing? [Washington Post]

Paula Abdul announced she would not be returning to “American Idol” via her Twitter last night. But… but… who is going to supply the contestants with tacky HSN jewelry and pearls of non-wisdom? [via DListed]

We’ll keep you posted as more news comes in, but it appears that Bill Clinton has done a kick ass job. [Twitter]

UPDATE: CNN has confirmed that North Korean President Kim Jong Il has pardoned American journalists Euna Lee and Laura Ling. Hooray!

This weekend I watched “60 Seconds with Joseph Gordon-Levitt” on Cinemax On Demand (watch it, after the jump) and learned something great—his Twitter handle. In fairness, a simple Google search would have given me the same info, but I like to think the TV was giving me a sign. A sign that I should ask him out on a date via the awesome power of Twitter. So I did. His reply is still pending. Stay tuned!

Guess it sucks to be named Joe Jackson right now if you’re not Michael Jackson’s dad.

The website that allows you to tell dozens, hundreds - or if you are Ashton Kutcher - a million-plus friends what you are doing, how you’re doing and who you’re doing it with continues to catch on like swine flu. But the ease with which you can share and respond to friends is infecting Twitterers with a condition I like to call T.M.T: “Too Much Tweeting” named after T.M.I “Too Much Information.” No one suffers from this worse than naturally narcissistic celebs. Stars keep turning to the site to inform us of everything from their bowel movements to their “dark places.” After the jump, celebrities OVERSHARING. [Spelling/grammatical errors not our own!—Editor]