I, like so many of you, relished last week’s season premiere of the “Real Housewives of Orange County,” the original gangsta of Bravo’s “Housewives” franchise. (You know you can’t wait to watch tonight.) But the fact that they aired the “Real Housewives of Atlanta” reunion special beforehand gave me an interesting idea: what if Bravo started their own version of “Wife Swap”? You know, switched the “Real Housewives of Atlanta” with the “Real Housewives of New Jersey” and ... “Watch what happens.” Let Danielle lay down a few tracks in Kandi’s studio. Let Dina and Caroline do a karaoke cover of “Tardy For the Party.” Let Teresa and Kim trade wigs for the week. Have Dwight give Caroline a makeover. Oh, maybe, Dina could take over Sheree’s clothing line for a week? 

• Roger Sterling has the best one-liners on “Mad Men,” so check out this video to learn how to incorporate his insults into your conversation. [F-Listed]—“I just crushed you with the most confident insult ever” is one of my faves.
• Brooke Hundley broke her silence about her affair with former ESPN staffer Steve Phillips, saying she’s been hurt as much as his wife, in an interview on “Good Morning America.” [ABC News]—Maybe, but not as much as Steve’s innocent children.
• The parents of “Balloon Boy,” Richard and Mayumi Heene, will plead guilty to crimes involved in the case, says their lawyer. [WSJ]—What, you mean they don’t want to extend their 15 minutes with a drawn-out trial?

Back when former supermodel Paulina Porizkova was ousted from her position as judge on “America’s Next Top Model,” we gave you our dream replacement list that included Naomi Campbell, Agyness Deyn, and Kate Moss. Never did we imagine that Kimora Lee Simmons would return to the show as a permanent judge after leaving the first season. And I was all ready to report that my favorite supermodel-turned-mogul was going to out-fierce Tyra Banks on her own show, but, sadly, the CW is denying this report. Something needs to happen, though, to save this sinking ship, which had its worst ratings during Cycle 13. Find out the other bizarre rumor after the jump.

Lordy, Lordy, hasn’t New Jersey suffered enough on television lately? First, “Real Housewives of New Jersey,” and then MTV’s “True Life: I’m A Jersey Shore Girl.” Is a new MTV reality show called “Jersey Shore” about a bunch of trashy kids who live in a shore house really necessary? I’m totally OD-ing on fake-baking, French manicures and hair gel and it almost makes me miss “The Hills” kids. Almost.

“Runway diva coach extraordinaire,” Miss J. Alexander, who is promoting his book Follow the Model, was on “The Tyra Show” yesterday and gave what was actually a totally refreshing and interesting interview. I was surprised, frankly, because Miss J plays such a caricature on “America’s Next Top Model,” and I didn’t expect to see him drop the flamboyant antics in favor of getting real. He revealed to the audience that he’s a father to a young boy, who was conceived after he and his ex-boyfriend both donated sperm to a female friend who wanted to have a child. While his sperm didn’t take (the ex’s sperm did), he’s very involved in young Alex’s life. It was fabulous to get a glimpse into the real Miss J.

OMG, my DVR is soooo ready to start recording “General Hospital” again! “GH” and I have been broken up for a while now—I just could not get behind Carly #3 or #4—but with James Franco making his big daytime debut on the show next Friday, I’m ready to go back to Port Charles. By the looks of the preview, Franco is totally channeling “smell the fart acting” (a term coined by Joey Tribiani on “Friends”), testing out dramatic pauses and slightly over-the-top line delivery, all typical of great soap opera performances. However, are they giving him a love interest in Maxie Jones? Say it ain’t so!

As for why Franco wanted to be on the show in the first place? Apparently, my theory that he’d been watching the show with his grandma since he was a kid isn’t true. “General Hospital” executive producer Jill Farren Phelps said, “he had heard [soaps] are hard and thought it would be fun to try.” Plus, he liked “GH”‘s ongoing mob storyline. Ugh, James, it was SO much better in the late ‘90s. But anyway. Will you be watching “General Hospital” for James Franco?

There’s a fascinating interview with “Mad Men” creator Matthew Weiner over at The Daily Beast. He has some insightful things to say about the season finale of “Mad Men” and where things stand with the Drapers. (If you still haven’t watched Sunday night’s episode: a.) What are you waiting for? b.) Stop reading NOW!).

Wow. The entertainmentverse (yes, that’s a word) has sure come up with some pretty terrible ideas today. First, Variety broke the story that Donald Trump is producing a show called “Omarosa’s Ultimate Merger.” On it, everyone’s favorite reality TV villainess will be looking for love with one of 12 dudes who are competing for her affection. Good luck casting those 12 men, Donald. All I’m sayin’ is—if ABC had trouble finding guys who really, truly wanted to date adorable, sweet, funny Gillian, I can hardly see them lining up for Omarosa. Also just in from the bad idea department: People is reporting that Ashlee Simpson will be starring as Roxie Hart, the lead in the musical “Chicago,” on Broadway. Did they not get the memo that Ashlee just got evicted from “Melrose Place” because of her terrible acting? And don’t they remember the “SNL” Lip Sync Incident of 2004? Oh, but it gets worse. Eminem will be starring in a horror flick. That’s 3D! Expect “Shady Talez”—yes, that’s what it’s called, because nothing will make you feel hardcorez like wearing 3D glasses—in theaters soon.

So the “Gossip Girl” threesome finally happened and, lemme tell ya, the triple kiss makeout sesh I had freshman year of college was more climactic. I didn’t watch the episode, but was sex just implied and the only thing viewers got to see of this three-way was a little smooching? The only reason, really, to click on that play button is to see Lizzie McGuire french a chick, seriously.

Oh television, you pack so many hours of enjoyment into such a small package. This week, I’m excited to see Alan Thicke on “How I Met Your Mother,” Taylor Swift on the CMA Awards, and the final collections on “Project Runway.” And I am so ready to give “FlashForward” a shot.

We’ve been sitting at our desks drumming our fingers all day, waiting to go home and catch the much-publicized threesome on “Gossip Girl.” While emails pile up, we’ve been imagining all the possibilities for the nubile young cast. There are so many possible combos of hot people swimming around, falling into each other, and awkwardly gathering their pants in the morning. In celebration, we’ve proposed six possible scenarios.

Last night’s season finale of “Mad Men” was one of my top ten favorite hours of television, ever. Why? Because it surprised the beejesus out of me—and not in a kill-a-main-character-for-shock-value kind of way. Not to get all film professor on you, but the way I see it, the central tension that makes “Mad Men” so intoxicating is that the characters are miserable with their lives and act out in outrageous ways behind the scenes. But because they so desperately need all the glittering trophies of their lives (the fancy title, the corner office, the seemingly perfect family) they’re completely paralyzed when it comes to actually changing anything. They’re trapped—mostly by themselves but also by a culture not nearly as tolerant of varying life paths as we are today. I, of course, expected the season finale to continue along this trajectory. (Uh, now would probably be a good time to say SPOILER ALERT to anyone who has the episode waiting for them on their DVR.) But nope. Last night was the episode where everyone finally broke out.

Dear Jemaine,

We heard that you’re not sure you want to do another season of “Flight of the Conchords” because it’s too much work. We totally sympathize but must beg you, please oh pleeease, don’t stop! If we’re forced to go without you and Bret’s sugar lumps, your hilariously witty lyrics, your awesome dance moves and your gorgeous sideburns, we will (probably) give up on TV altogether. Seriously, I’m going through the five stages of grief over this.

Saturday

• “Dirty Jobs” on Discovery at 10:00 a.m.
• “Little House on the Prairie” on Hallmark at 11:00 a.m.
• “Stardust” on The Movie Channel at 11:25 a.m.

The Parents Television Council has asked CW affiliates not to air the much-anticipated threesome episode of “Gossip Girl” because airing the teen menage a trois would be “reckless and irresponsible,” said the group’s president Tim Winter in a statement Wednesday. The group says on its website that “the show conveys the message that sex is a tool used to manipulate people.” Although the promos for the “3SOME” don’t say who will be involved, some suspect that it will be the show’s top schemers, Blair Waldorf and Chuck Bass, with another major character. The median viewer age is 27 years old, according to a CW spokesperson, a claim Winter said in his statement “doesn’t even pass the ‘laugh test.’” He said “Gossip Girl” is “expressly targeted to impressionable teenagers.”

While rumors flew all season that many of the “Real Housewives of Atlanta” were broke, they did their best to keep the situation under wraps and downplay the home downsizing they were having to do. The women of Orange County, perhaps realizing that they need to up the dramatic ante, were more than vocal about their financial woes in last night’s season premiere episode. The worst off seemed to be Jeanna Keough, who you know as the brunette, square-faced former Playmate. A real estate agent who was once rolling in dough, Jeanna is now struggling to make ends meet, especially as she divorces her hubby. Not only does she reveal that she is moving into a much smaller house, she also gets a lecture on spending from teenage son Colton. “It’s weird to be in a place where you have to think before making a purchase,” she said. Awww, poor baby. But seriously, times are so tough for her that she’s leaving the show.

The Food Network announced this week that it will air a two-hour “Super Chef Special” of “Iron Chef America,” which will feature First Lady Michelle Obama, White House Executive Chef Cristeta Comerford, and the White House Kitchen Garden. On Jan. 3, celebrity chefs Mario Batali, Bobby Flay, and Emeril Lagasse will be greeted by Obama and given their challenge: “create a meal for America using the White House Kitchen Garden’s produce as their secret ingredients,” the Food Network revealed in a statement. The teams will be Flay and Comerford against Lagasse and Batali. The four chefs will head to New York “Kitchen Stadium” with their produce for the battle, creating five dishes that show off their garden ingredients and “represent the ultimate American meal.” Chef Nigella Lawson, Olympic gold medalist Natalie Coughlin, and actress Jane Seymour will judge the battle. [FoxNews.com]

“Project Runway” has been a little off this season, with the exception of amazing guest judges like Christina Aguilera and Milla Jovovich. Is the show’s formula feeling stale the sixth time around? Did the move to Lifetime ruin it? Or is this just the lamest cast ever? Last night, the five contestants were taken to the Getty Center and had to pick a piece of inspiration to base their garment on. Wait, that sounds familiar—didn’t they do that with the Metropolitan Museum of Art a season or two ago?

Remember, remember the Fifth of November. This was the day that Guy Fawkes was thwarted in his attempt to explode the British Parliament in the 17th Century (and was caught, tortured, and killed). Our friends across the pond celebrate and commemorate with bonfires, burnings in effigy, and such. This side of the pond, I’m promoting anarchy through remembering Natalie Portman in “V for Vendetta.” The movie (based on the comic) imagined a dystopian future where people lived under totalitarian British rule and V attempted to viciously overthrow the vile government through violence. And Natalie shaved her head. Remember, remember ... it was the cutest thing ever ...