Do you watch the show “Tough Love”? I don’t, but both Annika and Simcha have caught episodes and claim that it rivals my beloved “Millionaire Matchmaker.” That remains to be seen, but Steven Ward, the frat boyish matchmaker on the show, did have a rule that kind of rocked my world. “Text on a need to know basis,” he says, suggesting that when women text men with the most mundane messages (“Just wanted to say hi!”), guys will often ignore them, leading women to wonder, “Why hasn’t he texted me back?!” As someone who has always viewed texting a guy as a little safer than calling him outright, this surprised me. But do most guys really hate texting? And why don’t they call us back either, by the way? I went to the dudes on my IM to find out…

Spring has arrived! I can practically smell the sunscreen and the delightful ocean breeze. But with the heat comes a question—do men suddenly get a little skip in their step when spring arrives that signals a sudden interest in flirting and non-committal sexy times? I’ve heard the theory that people, especially men, prefer monogamy during the colder months, while spring and summer are reserved for fun philandering. But is it true? I went to the usual suspects for answers…

Last night I had the pleasure of guesting on Cosmo Radio on Sirius. One of things we discussed (in addition to the Hottest Guys With Irish Blood and Paul Rudd) was the public’s obsession with the ins and outs of celebrity sex lives. How weird it must be for, say, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, to know that thousands/millions of people actually think about them DOING IT? But Brian, Cosmo Radio’s resident male, clued us in on something startling. There are people—men, specifically—who think about US having sex. How we do it, what we look like when we’re doing it, and what it might be like to be the one doing it to us. In fact, he promised, we could count on the fact that at least five of our guy friends thought about us while they were jerking off. Say what? My guy friends, aka the Guys On Our IM, have potentially included me in their spank bank? I was honored, not disgusted by the notion, and therefore had to confirm…

I can’t hide it. I, and basically every other woman I know, think Michelle Obama is the bee’s knees. She rocks my world. I look up to her, I want to raid her closet, I aspire to have the same grace and poise and intelligence and confidence and parenting abilities and knack for wearing belts just so. But what do men think of our new First Lady? Given the hot and cold reaction that another strong woman in the same position, Hillary Clinton, felt during her eight years as the wife of the President, I wondered what impression Michelle—who possesses Hillary’s gumption, as well as Laura Bush’s desire for privacy—had on men. And, dare I ask, are they attracted to her? Would they admit such a thing, the way many men were happy to admit the attraction they felt towards, say, Sarah Palin? So many questions! Check out their answers, after the jump…

After liveblogging four hours of “The Bachelor” over the last two days, it’s no wonder I cannot get Poo-Poo Bach (as he was renamed last night), Sloppy Seconds (aka Molly), and Melissa out of my mind. As a result, it inspired this week’s Thoughts From Guys On Our IM topic, specifically breakups, and how much effort a couple should put in to saving a relationship before calling it quits. As I wrote about yesterday, “The Bachelor” hit a little close to home for me (not in a crying way, just in a “oh, I can relate to that” way), as I felt like in my breakup, I was given the option of trying to save what my fiance and I had. But how do guys feel about how much time and effort they should put into trying to make things work? Or are they more likely to throw in the towel as soon as the going gets rough? Between yesterday and today, I IM’d them to find out.

I haven’t met many men that like to be dominated on a regular basis, but most gals I know like to take charge in the bedroom, at least from time to time. Aside from obvious dominate/submissive relationships, how do regular ol’ Joes feel about women taking charge between the sheets, both is subtle ways—directing the positions and the pace—and with more obvious methods—spanking, restraints, etc.? I went to the guys on my IM to find out how they feel about being dominated.

Lately I’ve been kind of getting in touch with my kinkier side. Being that I didn’t really have a kinky side before, it’s a big deal for me that I’ve discovered the pleasures of, uh, ass-smacking. Now that it’s kind of my “thing,” I’ve been thinking about other people I know and their “things.” I once hooked up with this Brazilian guy in San Francisco (and by hook up, I mean we met at a club, went back to his weird warehouse apartment, and made out a little) and discovered that he had a thing for armpit licking. My armpit, that is. I’ve told this story numerous times and most people express disgust and/or concern that he could die from deodorant poisoning. (He didn’t, as far as I know, but we didn’t keep in touch.) One of the people who expressed disgust is someone I’m sort of seeing—but he has a thing for striped thigh high stockings, so I guess one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. After the jump, I grill the guys on my IM about what turns them on. We get off topic a few times. Sorry.

You know what has always struck me as unfair? That Valentine’s Day is largely considered to be a holiday for women. In all the ads for the holiday, jewelry, chocolates, flowers, etc. are all gifts given to women, from their devoted, tie-clad husbands and boyfriends. Bu what about dudes? Don’t they want cheesy tokens of love and affection too? Wouldn’t they like to be taken out for a romantic dinner or given a nice piece of man jewelry? (By which I mean a watch. Men should not wear any jewelry outside of a watch and a wedding band. That is a rule.) The first Valentine’s Day I spent with my ex, five years ago, we went out to dinner, but his parents had called up the restaurant and pre-paid for our meal, as a surprise. (I guess they had a sense that I was “The One,” which used to make me go, “Aww,” but now makes me go, “Oops!”) I, however, felt like getting him something too, and ended up giving him four new wine glasses—partially as a joke because I had broken one of his the week before. The point is, don’t men deserve and want a little wooing? And if so, how do they want to be wooed? I asked the fellas.

Lately I’ve noticed that a lot of stars are showing up events or are photographed with visible nipple action, either in the form of hard, erect nipples poking through shirts (Paris Hilton), or thin fabric exposing the slightest bit of areolae shape and color (Beyonce, I am talking to you). With the insane array of products on the market to prevent such displays—from, you know, bras to breast petals—I’ve been wondering why on earth these ladies are walking out of the house with their headlights on. But beyond that, what do guys think? I mean, i think it goes without saying that breasts are beloved by all straight men, but is it true that guys are really hot for hard nipples? And what do they think of nipples in general? I think you know who I asked…

Now that I’m back on the “dating scene,” I’ve realized that I’m still borderline idiotic when it comes to male-female courtships. My last relationship started off pretty typically—a dinner date here, a movie date there—but quickly spiraled into very serious, very quickly. We said I love you within two months, moved in together within five months, and were together for nearly five years. I can’t recall when we or if we had the whole “boyfriend/girlfriend” discussion, or how we knew we were seeing each other exclusively. It’s unfortunate, because I could use that knowledge now. For example, how in the hell do you know when your fun, dating relationship has progressed into boyfriend/girlfriend territory? Is it when you have the “we’re banging each other exclusively” conversation? When introductions are made to friends? When one of you slips up and and says “my boyfriend” in front of the other? And let’s say you’re dating each other exclusively (because dating, not to mention sleeping, with multiple people is extremely time consuming), when does THAT change into BF/GF? Seriously, can you tell I am confused? The guys on my IM are here to help…

Last week we wrote about the controversy surrounding Ms. magazine’s cover image which featured President Obama in a shirt that reads, “This Is What A Feminist Looks Like.” Around the same time, it was revealed that Obama does identify as a feminist, a fact that, frankly, impresses me. Many women with feminist values don’t identify as feminist and that’s even more true of men. But now that President Obama, whose inauguration was the most viewed, um, ever, has identified as a feminist AND the leading feminist magazine has declared him one, will male feminists be more in vogue? I decided to ask the guys on my IM. Check their responses, after the jump…

After we watched Kate Winslet gush about her 15 year love for Leonardo DiCaprio at Sunday night’s Golden Globe Awards—in front of her husband, Sam Mendes, not to mention millions of viewers—we kind of got to wondering if men and women can really maintain tight friendships, if one or both of them is in a relationship. Personally, I’ve never been the jealous type and have never cared if my S.O. had close girlfriends—but then again, if I was ever given cause for worry (like they had hooked up before, or she was especially flirty) maybe my green-eyed monster would come out. And ever since the guys on my IM basically confirmed that men want to screw all their female friends on some level, I’ve wondered whether platonic friendships between men and women are even really possible, especially if there are boyfriends or girlfriends involved. So I went back to the fountains of boy wisdom to find out…

As I wrote yesterday, if you have any desire to possibly, maybe having something deeper than bed rockin’ nookie with a dude, you shouldn’t sleep with him on the first date. I came to this conclusion after many years of experience, chatting with friends (men and women), and having a late night, New Year’s champagne-infused to heart-to-heart with a friend’s husband. But I didn’t think it was fair to use him as my sole source, so I decided to pester the guys on my IM about their experience and impressions of first date sex and whether they could see developing a relationship with a lady they banged on the first date.

I’m back in the dating game again, sorta, and I’m not thrilled about it. One of the reasons? I remember, oh-so-well, how annoying it was when guys I thought I was connecting with and having fun with, pulled “the fade.” That is, when you’ve gone out on a few dates, had a great time, maybe hooked up a little, and then, BAM! He’s gone. Like he got lost in the Bermuda Triangle and forgot his cell phone. WTF is up with that? Are we blind to the signs that someone isn’t that interested? Did he meet someone new overnight? I went to my trusty soldiers, the guys on our IM, to get an explanation. Some of them clued me in quickly—others gave me a “Choose Your Own Adventure” style quiz…

I just read the world’s most obnoxious article in The New York Daily News. According to the reporter and his panel of experts/douchebags, short hair on a woman is a total turn-off for men. Unfortunately, this is hardly the first time I’ve heard this and I can’t help but wonder if this “rumor” is the reason why you don’t see many 20- and 30-something women with cropped ‘dos—after all, Halle Berry and Natalie Portman can pull off the look, but they could pull off just about anything and men would drown in a puddle of drool. So, I decided to go to the experts on such matters—the guys on our IM. Of course, I hardly think women should allow THE MAN to dictate what she does with her hair (or body, or, you know anything), but my curiosity compelled me to ask. Check out their responses, after the jump…

There’s a commonly held belief that men are always thinking about sex. Always. I actually think women think about sex almost as often, though not necessarily in the same ways. But another accepted belief is that dudes would have sex all the time, if given the choice—I wasn’t sure if that was true, so I decided to needle the guys on my IM about these two topics—how often they’d like to do it and how often they’re thinking about doing it. While I wasn’t entirely surprised by their answers, I was fascinated. Find out why, after the jump…

A Note On Playing It Safe: The Frisky thinks safe sex is smart sex - so please practice it in the way that’s right for your relationship.

So, NPR posted a story saying that condom-less sex is the new engagement ring, because going bareback shows the same or similar kind of intimacy and trust and commitment that traditional marriage does. I see their point, though the man-friend and I dropped the connies well before we got engaged—but only when we’d agreed to be monogamous and had done the all important STD-tests etc. Over at fellow lady blog Jezebel, outgoing Features Editor Moe says about sex without a condom:

“...here is the irrefutable: it feels awesome. Maybe that is because I have only really engaged in bareback sex with the types of dudes who don’t fear HPV and whose diseases I don’t particularly fear, because the worst thing I can think of about most of them is the ensuing lifetime of awkward conversations…”

In other words, sex with condoms sucks, the worst that could happen to me if I go without condoms with a dude is maybe I could get pregnant or get HPV or “diseases I don’t particularly fear” and of having those diseases, the worst part is having awkward conversations with future sex partners. There is so much that is ridiculous about that statement, but I’m not in the business of ripping people apart for their personal sexual choices.

It’s an exciting week! We’ve got not one but two new additions to the “Guys On Our IM” roster (including one of our boys at AskMen.com), each desperate to wow your lady skulls with their revelations on the male psyche, sex drive, and beating heart. This week, I broke ‘em in hard, asking them to confess how they really feel when they aren’t able to make a sexual partner climax. Depressed? Suicidal? Meh? Sadistically happy? Find out, after the jump!

In yesterday’s post about the 30 things women love that men don’t understand, I listed “sexless cotton brief underwear” at number 11. Those are my favorite kinds of lingerie—in cute, fun prints, yes, but cotton, usually paired with a bright, cotton bra with about as much sex appeal as Rainbow Bright. I’ve got some “sexier” lingerie, I suppose, including this lacy bra thingy I bought on The Frisky’s big bra fitting trip earlier this year that has ribbons cascading from it that I save for special occasions (special occasions I won’t be having for another three months, at least). Anyway, my ex never seemed to really notice my undergarments which was great when I was wearing some holey, period-stained thong, but kind of was a bummer when I took the time to match and traded in cotton for lace. But I’ve heard similar complaints from other women—do dudes really give a crap whether the women they’re about to make sweet love to is wearing practical panties from The Gap or a sheer lace booty boy short from La Perla? And if not, why the hell are places that charge $50 for a tiny scrap of fabric still in business? I interrogate the guys on my IM about their lingerie preferences, after the jump…

The other day, one of the Guys On My IM told me, “Guys want to bang a model, a stripper, a famous chick, and maybe a flight attendant before getting hitched.” I’ve heard such sentiments before, though not from any guy I truly respected (I actually respect this particular guy, despite his pre-marriage hump list). Given how many guys go to strip clubs and get all google-y eyed for Gisele Bundchen, couldn’t this general statement apply not only to the men I know and love, but also most guys, period? I decided to ask the rest of the Guys On My IM for their opinions—and while it turns out that none of them have a strong desire to schtup a pole dancer, they all do have SOME sort of ideal bedpost notch list….