You can laugh at this statement, but there’s a lot to be learned from The Hills about dating and family etiquette. For example:

The hot new fashion trend this spring is having your own clothing line. Paris Hilton, Jessica Alba, Sienna Miller, Jessica Simpson, Hilary Duff, and all the girls from The Hills do. And now, Britney Spears may be adding her name to the long list of celebs whose mediocre clothes we could care less about.  That’s right, after sporting avant-garde looks like bloodstained white panties with ripped fishnets and no pants this past January, the pop tart has caught the eye of Ed Hardy. Known for their tattoo-style skull and tiger t-shirts, it looks like Ed Hardy may be willing to put an even scarier icon in their repertoire, the Britney. Yesterday she met with their fashion mogul about designing for the brand. Although she can’t seem to make a court appearance, Spears is always available to pick up some free schwag.  But, to be fair, Brit didn’t just horde all the stuff for herself, she asked them to send some clothes to her pregnant sister, Jamie Lynn, who is celebrating her birthday today. Aw, what a thoughtful big sis. So hopefully, this is a sign Britney is back on the road to recovery, because her freakish public mess is so out this season. [Dlisted]

You guys, last night I was watching The Hills and I got kind of sad. No, not because Whitney left Teen Vogue. And not because Brody and Lauren are on the rocks either. I was sad because I really, really miss Heidi’s old face. The one that didn’t have lips that looks like they’re made out of two gummy worms. The one that didn’t look like you could bounce a quarter off its surface. The one that didn’t give me nightmares. Will we ever see it again? I hope so.

The Hills girls are hardly the sharpest knives in the drawer, but we love Whitney for her funny one-liners, crazy faces, and impeccable style.

Heavy’s “Over The Hills” series is hysterical, mostly because it features the actual dialogue from the real MTV show. Check out this clip of a crotchety old Lauren running into retirees Heidi and Spencer at a club. Why does Heidi have a Southern accent? She’s from Crested Butte, Colorado! [Heavy]

Mariah Carey is so back, y’all. In addition to performing on The Hills live finale party last night, she appeared on SNL a few weeks ago in support of her new record E=MC2—who knew Mariah was such a math nerd? Anyway, she is behind some of The Frisky‘s favorite cheesy ballads and slow jams from the ‘90s and her new single, “Touch My Body” is effing “Butterfly”-awesome. Check out the new video for the song, featuring Kenneth from 30 Rock. [MTV]

Whoa, The Hills in all its scripted glory, was awesome. It should always be an hour! The show, back for a mini-interim season, started off with Lauren and Whitney headed to Paris to help out Teen Vogue at the Crillon Ball, a fancy-schmancy debutante event for rich socialite kids. Within, like, seconds of landing at Charles de Gaulle Airport, Whitney and Lauren immediately start to slack off on their, you know, jobs by opting to pick up their ball gowns instead of running Teen Vogue errands, while Lauren finds out Brody has managed to find a girlfriend since she left L.A. Seriously, time moves fast in LC’s world. Back in L.A., Spencer is shedding a tear into his beer because Heidi has headed back to the homey, unpretentious Colorado town that managed to spit out her trashtastic, gossip-chasing self, in order to get some breathing room from their sad little relationship.

Our favorite craptastic TV show is back tonight and we’re so excited. However, just in case you haven’t been keeping as close of tabs as we have on Lauren, Heidi, Spencer, Brody, Audrina, and Whitney, here are some things you’ve might have missed:

Check it out at MTV.com.

Some people say that The Hills is a younger, reality version of Sex and the City. We don’t really see how this can be true: There was actual sex (sometimes kinky) on SATC, but the most Brody Jenner has gotten from Lauren is a little make out action when they were in Vegas celebrating his birthday. Towards the end of this season we thought Lauren seemed a little cold and detached. For example, when Brody came over, she had tons and tons of candles all over her apartment, but despite the romantic lighting, he had to convince her to cuddle with him! We would cuddle with Brody any day (and kiss him with tongue, another rare occurrence on the show). [E!]

Catherine and I IM’d in a frenzy this morning about the snoozefest that was The Hills season finale (or wasssss it???) last night, so we’ll get to a recap in a second, but earlier in the day, TMZ reported that Heidi and Spencer (known in the blogosphere as “Speidi”) have called off their totally ridiculous engagement. They’re still together, but we’re hoping these two losers go the way of another broken engagement—Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez. Sure enough, Heidi walked the “red carpet” solo and left before the live taping at LA club Area could begin (Lauren put the kibosh on Heidi actually attending the festivities). After the jump, Catherine and I exchange a totally disappointed IM about our favorite show on Earth. But on a positive note, we’re both obviously on Team Brody.

There were two main storylines on The Hills this week, one of which was boring (Lauren and Whitney go to New York to talk to Teen Vogue‘s editor about some stupid fashion show we don’t care about!) and one of which was strangely compelling (Brody and Spencer, can they make it work?). The latter spurned some deep thinking as to whether the old adage, “Bros before hos” has lost its meaning. So we IMed The Sensitive Guy, The Hipster Guy, and The Married Guy and this is what they had to say:

Unfortunately there has never actually been any knockin’ boots on The Hills, a pity since we would seriously pay money to see hot piece of ass Brody Jenner naked but for a smile on his face. That said, there are many lessons to learn about dating from this pack of Mensa members, particularly from super-serious-as-a-heart-attack (no really, can they both please have heart attacks?) couple Heidi and Spencer. Heidi is a back-stabbing girl-hater who ditched her friends for Spencer, a somewhat evil, media whoring celebutard who probably whittled down Heidi’s ego just enough so she’d get breast implants and a nose job. That said, it is interesting to note that while Heidi has, like, no friends left, neither does Spencer. This is a messed up rationale, but somehow both of their friendless-ness seemed to be an indication of their blind devotion to one another. It would be sweet if they weren’t so toxic. Our take on this week’s episode, after the jump…