Saturday

Kristin Cavallari is back! This morning, we learned that the “Laguna Beach” mean girl will be replacing Lauren Conrad as the star of “The Hills.” Dang, we knew her media disappearance over the past few years was too good to be true. The 22-year-old will show up on the May 31st season finale of “The Hills” where she’ll catch the bouquet at Heidi and Spencer’s wedding. Geez, I’d rather catch a live grenade.

Five months after eloping in Mexico—post-pitchers of margaritas, natch—Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt of “The Hills” are making their marriage official in a ceremony in Pasadena on Saturday. [People] — As a present for the infamously douchey duo, let’s look back at the times they broke up.

“Laguna Beach” begot “The Hills” which begot “The City” and Brody Jenner’s “Bromance.” What’s left? Audrina Patridge is leaving the cast of “The Hills” to star in her own spin-off series, produced by “Survivor” exec producer Mark Burnett, because apparently there weren’t enough bastard TV shows already. What’ll they call this one? “The Valley?” “The Vapid?” After the jump, we imagine the new show.

Just when I had convinced myself that I actually enjoyed the first season of MTV’s “The City,” Lauren, Heidi, Spencer, Audrina, and the rest of “The Hills” crew are back, like the back-stabbing best friends I never had. The season premiere featured a tearful Heidi and Lauren reunion, and Spencer beating up a kid who dared to tell Heidi he saw Spencer hitting on a female bartender. And what’s this I see on the season teaser…?

Season Five (probably the last) of “The Hills” starts soon and MTV has released a preview clip. Undoubtedly, these two minutes and 24 seconds are the most exciting moments of the entire season, so watch them now so you don’t have to waste time actually viewing the show! But a couple things to point out—that psychic at the beginning clearly reads Us Weekly, that’s how she knows so much about Lauren. Also, did Brody lose weight? And lastly, have Spencer and Heidi been photographed together lately? Maybe they really do break up…

You probably know Kelly Cutrone from her appearances on “The Hills” and now “The City,” but there’s so much more to her than wearing black, yelling at people, and giving advice about men.

1. Her dream job is “Being paid one million dollars a year to be a teacher in a village school in South India.”

2. She went to Syracuse University.

3. She has a young daughter named Ava.

We’ve all had something that we’re really excited about initially, but then it lets us down. At that point, we have to reassess our “loves it” list and move on to the next thing. These 10 items were overdone in 2008, so in 2009 we’re ending our love affair.

Kudos to Perez Hilton for noticing that Lo Bosworth seems to have copycatted her “Hills” finale party look from a look on Forever 21’s website. It’s clear the items she’s wearing aren’t from Forever 21, but the resemblance is nearly exact. However, unlike Perez, I’m not gonna hate on Lo. The Frisky has always had an appreciation for the 21, and thinks it’s high time those rich Laguna bitches did too!

Despite my sometimes strong aversion to “The Hills,” my DVR was totally set for last night’s showdown. Poor Audrina, hasn’t she had enough trouble with “bad boy” Justin Bobby? Now she hears that her best friend hooked up with him? But would Lauren ever touch someone she hates that much? Hmmm.  This was going to be a dramafest.

Last night’s episode of “The Hills” served two purposes—to make us psyched about next week’s big “ZOMG, Justin Bobby and Lauren Conrad hooked up?!” scandal, and to show that Justin Bobby does indeed have a softer side. In the clip above, he surprises Audrina with a gift! A t-shirt! So romantic! And he wants her to wear it “with no bra please, thank you.” Well, that was a step, at least, JB. Anyway, a teaser for next week’s climactic episode, after the jump…

Whitney Port, formerly of “The Hills,” moved to New York a couple months ago to work for designer Diane von Furstenburg. Come Dec. 29, she’s back on MTV in “The City,” which is “The Hills” on the other coast. We hope this doesn’t ruin Whitney for us. She always seemed like the smartest, most-together cast member on “The Hills.” From the short preview above, it seems that Whitney will hang with socialite Olivia Palermo and be fought over by two cute boys. [via Fashionista]