By now, it’s pretty much accepted that The Hills is, to a certain degree, scripted. According to a recent article in Entertainment Weekly, parts of scenes are re-shot (for example, if the girls enter a nightclub and a crowd of people get in the way of the camera, the producers will have the girls enter again), Lauren Conrad and crew let the producers know in advance what their plans are (partially so that they can get approval to shoot at any venues and also so that they can devise a “storyline” for the week), and the producers also have no control over whether the girls play any of their conversations or actions up for the cameras.

The thing is, with the gossip magazines and bloggers reporting every little thing that goes down in the interim, are we even going to be surprised by the fake melodrama? We already know Heidi and Spencer are back together; we know Lauren and Audrina continue to fight; we know Lauren dates a couple dudes not named Stephen or Brody. I mean, they better have some stuff they’ve kept hidden, or this could be a boring season. Sigh. Whatever, still excited.

That leaves $2,999,980 left in her and Spencer’s bank account! [New York City, 6/9/08]

The sign behind these two corn dogs seems a wee bit too coincidental…. [Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt, Disneyland, Anaheim, CA, 6/3/08]

At last night’s MTV Movie Awards, there were lots of bad clothes. Personally, I think Ellen Page (winner of Best Female Performance) dressed quite appropriately for the event, wearing jeans and sneakers. Fancy dresses are not what the MTV Movie Awards should be about, especially if they’re short dresses. As Lindsay Lohan discovered, wearing a short dress while sitting in a movie theater means showing more leg than you may have planned. [MTV]

I think we all know by now that The Hills is a semi-scripted reality TV show. Yes, the people are real. Yes, the cameras follow them through the course of their real life. But MTV also creates a storyline and manipulates the real life goings on to meet their storyline’s needs. This season, the story centered around “feminist hero” Heidi, as she took time away from her douchebag boyfriend Spencer so she could focus on herself and her career. On last night’s season finale, MTV basically told the viewers that Heidi had a decision to make between two very different choices—focus solely on her career as a event planner for Brent Bolthouse Productions in Las Vegas or go home with Spencer without even giving her boss notice. Guess which she chose?

“If you’re dating a guy, right away. If you’re dating girl, I think you’ll know pretty quick if she’s into that. If they’re not bringing it up, it’s not something on their agenda. That’s just realistic. My boxing coach Dirty Phi says, ‘If you stick your pinkie in there, and then another finger, and then another, and she responds happily, then it’s cool.’”—The Hills’ Spencer Pratt on when to bring up the subject of anal sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Remember how there was all that drama over Lauren Conrad having a sex tape with her ex-boyfriend? And how she thought Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt spread “that sick little rumor”? Well Heidi and Spencer went on The Tyra Show and once again confirmed that there is a sex tape, but that they didn’t tell the press—that Lauren’s ex-boyfriend leaked it when he tried to sell the tape to a distributor. Oooh dang. I, for one, think there probably is a sex tape, but I think it’s far more likely that the evil duo spread the rumor. Because, I mean, they won’t shut up about it.

Something weird happened last night. I found myself feeling sorry for Spencer as I watched The Hills. Heidi was out on a totally contrived girls night out (GNO!), when Spence showed up by himself at the club and proceeded to get himself a drink and chat with people—including women. Heidi freaked out about him taking shots with these chicks and then went off on him flirting and acting like he wanted to see other people. Spencer maintained he did nothing wrong. And I kind of sort of agree. Ack! First of all, Heidi basically broke up with Spencer, because last I checked, when you make your boyfriend move out of the apartment you share together (which he found, by the way), you’re kind of breaking up with him. So while it was super annoying of Spencer to show up at the club where he knew Heidi’s big GNO was taking place, chit-chatting with people, even women, is not cheating. Shoot, I go out and chat with dudes all the time when my feef isn’t around, and I know he’s doing the same, and you know what? I don’t care. Because it’s just talking. Also, we live together and I didn’t kick his butt to the curb like some people.

You can laugh at this statement, but there’s a lot to be learned from The Hills about dating and family etiquette. For example: