I guess that would make sense, since no one they invited to their wedding (if there was anyone to invite) would come. [Perez Hilton]

Update: According to an Us Weekly cover story, complete with photos (hmm, this elopement sounds super duper planned out), Heidi says, “The minute we said our vows, I couldn’t stop crying.” And of her disapproving mother? “I called her right before the ceremony, sort of hinted that something that happened, but her reaction was to ask me if we were breaking up! I told her it might be something else, and she said, ‘Well, if you ever plan on getting married just know that your stepdad is really upset that you want your father to walk you down the aisle. She was starting so much drama, it kind of pushed me toward wanting to get married without that. I don’t know when I’ll tell her.” Uh, how about before it’s plastered across magazines in her local grocery store? [Us Weekly]

Thank you MTV for finally pulling together two episodes where SOMETHING actually happened on this dang show, and two episodes in a row nonetheless!  Let’s start with my favorite quote by our token traitor, Stephanie Pratt.  “You broke up with a guy who has a private jet?” Stephanie quips to Lauren.  Classic, but as Lauren pointed out, they were still on it weren’t they? Sigh, these kids live the life.

Lo Bosworth has managed to go from funny, affable dumb-but-in-a-cute-way best friend to totally bitchy and evil in a matter of episodes. Lo reminds me of the girls in high school who, even while they’re chatting with you, were totally judging your outfit and your hair and what you were eating. On last night’s episode of The Hills, it’s the aftermath of the Lo/Audrina talk/fight, where Audrina basically told Lo she didn’t give a hoot about being friends with her and Lo passive aggressively laid the blame for their mutual awkwardness on Audrina. I sort of thought Audrina was harsh, until last night, when it because clear that Lo is just not as adorable and funny as we thought—girlfriend undresses you with her eyes, to the point where all you want to do is leave—and that’s what Audrina did.

By now, it’s pretty much accepted that The Hills is, to a certain degree, scripted. According to a recent article in Entertainment Weekly, parts of scenes are re-shot (for example, if the girls enter a nightclub and a crowd of people get in the way of the camera, the producers will have the girls enter again), Lauren Conrad and crew let the producers know in advance what their plans are (partially so that they can get approval to shoot at any venues and also so that they can devise a “storyline” for the week), and the producers also have no control over whether the girls play any of their conversations or actions up for the cameras.

The thing is, with the gossip magazines and bloggers reporting every little thing that goes down in the interim, are we even going to be surprised by the fake melodrama? We already know Heidi and Spencer are back together; we know Lauren and Audrina continue to fight; we know Lauren dates a couple dudes not named Stephen or Brody. I mean, they better have some stuff they’ve kept hidden, or this could be a boring season. Sigh. Whatever, still excited.

That leaves $2,999,980 left in her and Spencer’s bank account! [New York City, 6/9/08]

The sign behind these two corn dogs seems a wee bit too coincidental…. [Heidi Montag & Spencer Pratt, Disneyland, Anaheim, CA, 6/3/08]

At last night’s MTV Movie Awards, there were lots of bad clothes. Personally, I think Ellen Page (winner of Best Female Performance) dressed quite appropriately for the event, wearing jeans and sneakers. Fancy dresses are not what the MTV Movie Awards should be about, especially if they’re short dresses. As Lindsay Lohan discovered, wearing a short dress while sitting in a movie theater means showing more leg than you may have planned. [MTV]

I think we all know by now that The Hills is a semi-scripted reality TV show. Yes, the people are real. Yes, the cameras follow them through the course of their real life. But MTV also creates a storyline and manipulates the real life goings on to meet their storyline’s needs. This season, the story centered around “feminist hero” Heidi, as she took time away from her douchebag boyfriend Spencer so she could focus on herself and her career. On last night’s season finale, MTV basically told the viewers that Heidi had a decision to make between two very different choices—focus solely on her career as a event planner for Brent Bolthouse Productions in Las Vegas or go home with Spencer without even giving her boss notice. Guess which she chose?

“If you’re dating a guy, right away. If you’re dating girl, I think you’ll know pretty quick if she’s into that. If they’re not bringing it up, it’s not something on their agenda. That’s just realistic. My boxing coach Dirty Phi says, ‘If you stick your pinkie in there, and then another finger, and then another, and she responds happily, then it’s cool.’”—The Hills’ Spencer Pratt on when to bring up the subject of anal sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend.