Dear Steve,

We hear from Star magazine that you’re trying to sell some tapes, which show Danielle Staub giving you your “routine blow job,” as Teresa once eloquently phrased it. Some kind advice: Don’t do it. For the sake of our eyes not running away from their sockets, if nothing else. While we understand that you’re upset because you had to spend thousands of dollars on Danielle (even though she outright says that she only dates men for their money), you don’t really need to make this quick buck. Everyone totally thought you were gross for getting fellatio from her, but then we totally loved when you were holding in your laughs during the break-up scene, so why not quit while you’re ahead? Destroy the videos, save your reputation (or what’s left of it), and just continue on down the path of life, wearing your Ed Hardy hats that almost cover your premature bald spot. K?

Sincerely,
The Frisky

Call it wishful thinking, but rumors that Rihanna made a sex tape have been circulating for months. And this morning, some people are claiming this one is actually legit. We aren’t sure because the dirty vid is only 13 seconds long and the lighting is kind of wack. Maybe the orgasming girl is just a Rihanna look-a-like, like the chick Chris Brown brought to the NBA finals on Sunday? The mysterious site that released the video claims the rest of it will be out soon. The snippet after the jump isn’t too graphic, so watch and chime in on whether you think it’s real or really fake. [News.com.au]

A few months ago, I posted about a list of “women’s sexual fantasies” that appeared in Men’s Health. I wrote that the majority of the fantasies listed were “so off-the-mark and absurd, I [worried] about men incorporating these fantasies into their sexual routines and turning off women so dramatically that all sex becomes just a fantasy.” Many of you agreed that the list didn’t come close to reflecting women’s true fantasies, and Men’s Health must have listened because they’ve published a new list of women’s sexual fantasies—only these sound suspiciously like men’s top desires! After the jump, see what the publication is telling its (mostly male) readers we women want in the sack.

A state appeals court in Wisconsin ruled that a person who is voluntarily nude in the presence of another still has privacy rights against being secretly videotaped. This means that if you get naked with someone, they don’t have the right to tape you without your knowing. One less thing to worry about! [CBS News]

Sure, it’s Election Day, but that doesn’t mean you have to be all about the politics. You’re focused on the candidates, the issues, the outcome—but that doesn’t mean you’re not thinking about the opposite sex, too. So, here’s a few tips on how to get frisky in election-friendly ways.

CLOTHING PARTY LINES
You might not have Sarah Palin’s wardrobe budget, but you definitely need to look good enough to make someone want to stuff your ballot box. This Tuesday, make the most of the possibilities. Don’t wear headphones while waiting in those long voting lines, or show up at the polls in a crazy American flag hat. Instead, wear a flirty dress inspired by Michelle Obama. That is, if you want to go home with something other than an “I Voted!” sticker.

On Sunday’s episode of “Californication”, Charlie, Hank Moody’s agent, got caught by his calculating assistant (and former spanking partner) masturbating at work. On film. A lot. Later on in the episode, as Charlie lamented being fired, Hank sympathized, “No man should ever have to bear witness to his o-face.” Um, what? If that’s how Hank Moody, the sex addict, feels about seeing yourself engaged in sexual pleasure, than why, oh why, do so many regular men want to make homemade porns with their girlfriends and spouses? Given the popularity of XTube and YouPorn, I’ve got plenty of evidence to back up my theory that most, if not all guys are totally down to get it on, on film. But aren’t they afraid of seeing their o-face, as Hank suggests? And really, what IS the goal of filming a porn at home? I went to the guys on my IM to find out.

According to new reports, former Britney Spears boyfriend/groupie/personal paparazo Adnan Ghalib is marketing a Britney sex tape. For the “right price,” he says, he’s looking to sell a two-hour long videotape that stars a pink-wigged Spears doing it in Mexico. He told the Sun: “I am not interested in selling out any other details about Britney.” (Stay classy, Adnan!) Vote in our poll and then find out what an expert has to say about the celebrity sex tape phenomenon after the jump.

I consider myself a bit of a celebrity sex tape connoisseur. Watching celebrities have sex for real, kind of reminds me that they’re human, just like the rest of us. Seeing celebrities use the toilet would probably have the same effect, but it’s not as fun. Anyway, here are the top eight you should really know about, where you might find them if they were carried in a video store, and some key tidbits in order to increase your potential to be a good dinner party guest. Because people LOVE to talk about celebrity sex tapes over tuna casserole, trust me.

1. “One Night In Paris” starring Paris Hilton & Rick Solomon
Where To Find It: Next to “The Blair Witch Project”, filed under “night vision goggles” and “totally overrated.”
Best Scene: Paris literally texts away on her Sidekick while Solomon has his way with her.

Heidi Montag went on David Letterman last night and totally gave her side of the story on the whole Lauren Conrad sex tape thingy. Strangely, suddenly we kind of believe her! She comes off as weirdly well-spoken and eloquent for being such a dumb-dumb in actuality. Anyway, too bad she showed up wearing the most horrendous outfit ever made. A negligee dress and gold shoes? Girl, put it away.

Remember how there was all that drama over Lauren Conrad having a sex tape with her ex-boyfriend? And how she thought Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt spread “that sick little rumor”? Well Heidi and Spencer went on The Tyra Show and once again confirmed that there is a sex tape, but that they didn’t tell the press—that Lauren’s ex-boyfriend leaked it when he tried to sell the tape to a distributor. Oooh dang. I, for one, think there probably is a sex tape, but I think it’s far more likely that the evil duo spread the rumor. Because, I mean, they won’t shut up about it.

Does Jimi Hendrix have a sex tape? Of all the dead rock stars we want to see naked, he’s close to the top, so we squealed a little when we read this story. A porn distributor sold the film to Vivid after the footage was found by a collector who bought a box of rock memorabilia bought at an auction. So how do they know for sure that the man in the film is Hendrix? The DVD includes commentary from two women who had sex with Hendrix and believe the tape is real: Pamela Des Barres, the author of “I’m With the Band: Confessions of a Groupie” and Cynthia “Plaster Caster” Albritton, who was known for doing plaster casts of the genitals of rock stars, including Hendrix. [NY Times]