It was about a year ago that I realized it was time to just make a commitment.

If I had a checklist for where I was in my life, it would have looked pretty good:  late 30s, living in Manhattan, freelance writer, founder of an improv school, volunteering for an organization dedicated to creating a better future, plenty of good friends – all dimensions accounted for.

Well almost.  It was everything but “a man.”

I was one of those “date a few times and then be inseparable for two years” people.  When I moved to NYC in 2001, “Sex and the City” was at its peak. That show and its promise of the perfect city life for a young single woman was a factor in me moving from LA.  I know, it’s sad. But it just shows how deep and powerful the desire to find—and how much fun it is to look for— that one guy really is.

I was having dinner with some friends the other night, one of whom does HIV research. We started talking about STDs in general when another friend admitted she’s had herpes for about 10 years. She said she contracted it from the second guy she ever slept with and though she hasn’t had an outbreak in about 8 years, she always tells potential sex partners about it. I was surprised when she said that her gynecologist said that as long as she isn’t in the middle of an outbreak, there’s really no need to tell a sex partner—then I remembered this letter to advice columnist Jamie Bufalino in last week’s Time Out New York. A young woman writes:

“I’m a 23-year-old female, and just found out yesterday that I have contracted HPV/genital warts. I called the four people I’ve slept with in the past year to inform them, saving my current beau (he’s 28, BTW) for last. When I got on the phone with him (he lives in Boston, I’m in New York), I hardly had to say anything because he quickly responded: “Oh yeah, I have HPV too.” We’ve been dating for four months and he never bothered to mention that his last two girlfriends both magically contracted this virus after being with him. He apologized, said he felt terrible that he never told me, that he had planned to tell me soon, asked what he could do to make up for it, etc. I told him I never wanted to speak to him again. Now, the morning after, I wonder: Is getting an STD just part of being an adult? Or is passing a virus a deal breaker?”

Of course, sexual health educators should still teach everyone to protect themselves against HIV/AIDS. But researchers have created an interactive online “HIV/AIDS Atlas,” which shows how only one-fifth of America’s counties make up 80 percent of the cases. It’s sometimes hard to make public health topics “interesting” and “cool,” but a map does a good job of it!

To see the full NSFW ad, click past the jump. This Portuguese ad, targeted at women, promotes safe sex. It’s hard to read, but the text up top says, “Girls, protect yourself. Demand your partner wear a condom.” It’s some seriously shocking imagery, but does it go too far? Megan at Jezebel wrote (in a post that’s since been taken down):

Sexualizing rape and domestic violence and putting the onus on women to protect themselves scream “safe” to me, too.

On one hand, I see her point. Pointing a gun at a vagina is certainly graphic and sexually violent imagery out of context. However, each of us is responsible for protecting our bodies from STDs and this ad is trying to imply that having sex without a condom is the equivalent of firing a loaded weapon at your, uh, vital parts. Is that message clear without the text? Not necessarily, so in that regard, it doesn’t work. But in combination, it’s certainly powerful. What do you think?

Is it possible to c**k block safe sex? Yes, say public health advocates who are going after CVS for sometimes locking its condoms behind glass cases!

Advocates For Youth and CureCVS are rallying people based on the findings of a Change To Win study, which investigated CVS branches in five major metropolitan areas. They found condom lockage is three times more likely to occur in areas where minorities live—which obviously is discriminatory and needs to stop immediately.

In an upcoming issue of Contraception, Rachel K. Jones of the Guttmacher Institute makes the case that sex educators should start teaching the withdrawal method as a form of birth control. Jones argues that when practiced properly, the withdrawal method is quite effective at preventing pregnancy, and only four percent of those who use it “perfectly” will get pregnant in the next year. The method, like birth control pills, however, has no proven effect when it comes to preventing the transmission of STDs, although researchers are hoping to study that, too.

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, I dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started.

STD Awareness Month is almost over, and I hope you lovers survived. Next week, I’ll go back to answering your burning sex questions—whether they burn literally or not. Today, I want to talk about a mistake I’ve made trying to play it safe. 

If I had a nickel for every time I bartered a new partner down from sex to a BJ, I’d be rich! In some situations, oral sex can seem like the best bet to keep him coming back for more and to protect your promised land. But that argument is as busted as Bill Clinton saying he didn’t have sex relations with Monica Lewinsky. It’s still sex—oral sex, to be exact! While I used to think I was Lady Safety for starting off slow(ish) with a beej, oral is as risky a way to get frisky. Even though he’s not sticking his beef in your buns, your mouth is as ready to be an STD sandwich. New research shows it can even cause cancer. While we gals can get a lot of things, we can’t seem to catch a break! Here are some things to consider when you’re going down.

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…

After blathering on and on about anal sex, herpes sores, and stanky vajayjay’s, I, Dr. V, am going to say something that will really shock you! I have never, ever had sex without a condom. Ever.  Not even once.

MTV wants to protect you from the skanks you see on their station. To commemorate STD Awareness Month, they’ve launched a safe-sex campaign. And they’re so down with the kids, they’re speakin’ their language, their cell phone language, that is. The new initiative is called “It’s Your Sex Life,” with a focus on GYT—that’s how you’d text someone “get yourself tested.” Yikes, shouldn’t that be a phone call or at least an e-card?  Anyway, they kicked off their crotch crusade with “Pedro,” a biopic about Pedro Zamora, the HIV positive cast member from the third season of “The Real World.” But, all month long you can look forward to PSAs from the likes of Santogold, the Maddens, and N.E.R.D. Plus, Beth Ditto will be answering sex questions in a segment called, “Ask Beth.”  Wow, the safe sex push plus MTV promising to play music videos—it’s like 1994 all over again!

Hi, I’m Dr. V.  I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…

This week, I got an alarming phone call.  My most recent ex-boyfriend went to get tested like a sensible young man and I’m so proud of him—but I’m sorry he had to call me with his results.  While it wasn’t good news, I’m truly grateful he talked to me about it openly. Sex is dirty, and sometimes you can’t totally clean up the mess, but you can always take measures to stop it from spreading! I know my ex was not so thrilled to have to call me to tell me to get tested too, however, it made me realize why I was with him in the first place. He’s respectable and responsible for divulging what he knows with me, for better or for worse.  Although it can be a tearful inspiration, I’d like to dedicate this installment of Dr. V to all the men and women, like my ex-boyfriend out there, who are brave enough to pick up the phone and show someone they still care by telling them the truth about their health and the risks they shared.  According to the CDC, who just this week reported 19 million cases of STDs in 2007, there are a lot of people who need to make a similar confession.  So, here’s how you do it, as pain-free as possible.

Yikes—19 million STD infections occur each year according to the Center for Disease Control’s NEW report this week. The numbers from 2007 are in and the stats are a total bummer. Gonorrhea and chlamydia, the most common STDs, recorded the largest number of known cases to date, 1.5 million according to the most recent assessment. However, the government agency thinks that’s a low estimate, and suspect that there are actually twice as many people who are carrying the infections. Agh! Unfortunately, the infections often go undiagnosed because they can be asymptomatic. While gonorrhea and chlamydia frequently come together in one big STD package, they are both cured with antibiotics. However, if someone isn’t a responsible sexy time partner and doesn’t get tested regularly, the diseases can wreak havoc and even do things jeopardize your ability to get pregnant. Since young women, age 15-34, are in the highest risk categories, it’s essential that we take care of our business!  Go visit the gyno and let them smear your pap, why dontcha?!  [CDC]

Durex’s new ad, featuring condom balloon animals doing it in various positions, is so amazing and funny, it could do a lot for the rubbers’ public image. After all, more than one guy (and girl) has complained to us about hating them, despite knowing they’re necessary in order to prevent pregnancy and the spread of STDs. After the jump, we tracked down even more hilarious outtakes from the condom balloon animal video shoot—those horny humpers sure get outta hand.

Here’s a story: Johnnie was so tired of using condoms because they were a buzz kill and felt unnatural to him. He was planning a weekend of debauchery and had heard of an alternative to wearing condoms called PrEP that would hopefully protect him from contracting HIV. He knew he could purchase the drug from a dealer at his favorite gay club. Once he decided on his plan, Johnnie only focused on the pleasure the weekend would surely bring. But he was taking a big risk by choosing PrEP over using condoms. Find out more after the jump…

On the cover of today’s free paper AM New York is a hard-hitting headline about how the New York City Department of Health found that…wait for it… binge drinking leads to sex. Puh-lease, after ZERO drinks I’ll do the nasty! Plus, if that was all it took to get laid, I’d get hammered in morning, I’d get hammered in the evening, I’d get hammered all over this land!  According to the Health Department’s report, if you have more than five drinks in one sitting, at least once a month, you’re a big slutty drunky-drunk. [Oops. Oops again. Oops.—Editor] And by slutty, the study means you have had two to four partners a year. Whore! 

The Jonas Brothers may lose their virginity sooner than they had planned—and maybe they’ll make some Jonas Bastard Babies while they’re at it. A recent federal study has discovered that teens who pledge virginity until marriage are just as likely to have premarital sex as those who don’t promise to wait until they’ve got a ring on it. They’re also much more likely to screw without condoms and other forms of birth control. “Taking a pledge doesn’t seem to make any difference at all in any sexual behavior,” said study author Janet E. Rosenbaum of the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health. “But it does seem to make a difference in condom use and other forms of birth control that is quite striking.” In fact, the number of students who reported condom use during sex was about 10 percent lower for those who had taken the pledge.

A Note On Playing It Safe: The Frisky thinks safe sex is smart sex - so please practice it in the way that’s right for your relationship.

So, NPR posted a story saying that condom-less sex is the new engagement ring, because going bareback shows the same or similar kind of intimacy and trust and commitment that traditional marriage does. I see their point, though the man-friend and I dropped the connies well before we got engaged—but only when we’d agreed to be monogamous and had done the all important STD-tests etc. Over at fellow lady blog Jezebel, outgoing Features Editor Moe says about sex without a condom:

“...here is the irrefutable: it feels awesome. Maybe that is because I have only really engaged in bareback sex with the types of dudes who don’t fear HPV and whose diseases I don’t particularly fear, because the worst thing I can think of about most of them is the ensuing lifetime of awkward conversations…”

In other words, sex with condoms sucks, the worst that could happen to me if I go without condoms with a dude is maybe I could get pregnant or get HPV or “diseases I don’t particularly fear” and of having those diseases, the worst part is having awkward conversations with future sex partners. There is so much that is ridiculous about that statement, but I’m not in the business of ripping people apart for their personal sexual choices.

What do you get for the gal that has everything?  Something to protect her most prized possessions!  Safe sex presents are the best way to show someone you care—whether or not you want to go there. After the jump, our playful picks for gifts that get dirty and keep it clean…

Beauty brand NARS is raising safe sex awareness with two new cosmetic kits that come in handy when it comes to sex. The “Safer Set” includes two NARS condoms imprinted with “PREVENTION IS THE CURE” and a popular cream stick face highlighter in Multiple in Orgasm color. The “Safest Set” includes the same highlighter and a small black book promoting abstinence that gives you a list of ways you can just say no to the boys. A portion of the sales from both products go to amFAR’s global safe sex education initiative, so whether or not you’re doing it, you’ll be looking good and doing good. NARS has a long history of uniting sex and cosmetics. Lip colors come in Promiscuous, Manhunt, and Orgasm.

According to a new study, HPV is moving on up…to mouths!  That’s right, just when you thought Gardasil and Cervarix solved all your problems, now you have to worry about what else you’ve been opening wide.  Since the ‘70s. throat cancer cases have doubled, and the research shows HPV is to blame, with 39% of all occurrences caused by the human papilloma virus. Before you go cutting your man off from his favorite foreplay, listen to this: men are 35% more likely than women to develop oral cancer from HPV. Sheesh, making a new man go downtown may be riskier than you both think!  Still, there’s more bad news—as of yet, there is no way to test male genitalia for HPV or anyone’s throat to see if they’re a carrier.  So, it’s a roll of the dice and doctors fear you may even be able to contract the virus from kissing. There goes all the fun! Since this throat cancer link is a new revelation, the cervical cancer vaccines haven’t been tested or proven to prevent it. So, deep throat, you might want to use a condom for oral sex or just give that random stranger a handy and call it a night! [ABC News]