If you’re one of those girls who has a host of men in her life, but no one to bring to a wedding, you can’t remember the last time you had sex and it didn’t qualify as a “friends with benefits” situation, and you always end up being some sort of dating coach to the guys you’re really into, it’s time to get yourself out of the Friend Zone and into more datable territory. After the jump, seven ways to avoid the Friend Zone.

Like everyone else, I’ve been glued to the Chris Brown/Rihanna debacle, and was saddened when I read reports that she might get back together with someone who left her so bruised and battered.

But here’s the thing: loads of couples break up and then make up and sometimes things work out great. But knowing when, and under what circumstances, to forgive and forget is key, and most of us won’t know until we’re thrust into that situation. Here are six scenarios to consider.

Recently, a guy wrote in to Times Online seeking some relationship advice. His girlfriend has size FF breasts, you see, and is considering a reduction surgery and he’s concerned his feelings for her will change if she goes through with it. He writes: “She says her breasts restrict her and weigh her down, but the operation sounds brutal. I love her the way she is and worry that I won’t feel the same about her afterwards. How can I persuade her to change her mind?”

I am a Leo (born at 7:56 p.m. on Aug. 7, 1984 in Texas) who is still hung up on a Sagittarius guy (Dec. 14, 1977 in Wisconsin) after three years. I was ready to be in a relationship and my life was in a great place. Unfortunately, he wasn’t. A woman had left him for another guy a couple years before and he was still not over it.  We hung out a lot as friends and we didn’t ever have sex, though we came close a few times. Then things got intense very quickly (mostly my feelings for him) and he withdrew from me. Also, he made comments a few times that made me see that he was still heart broken after the last girl and he actually seemed to directing his pain into anger at her and women in general. He became a real downer, and I started to get pretty depressed too. 

How many people do you know who’ve been downsized? Terminated? Let go? Fired? However you word it, the result is the same: Bummer, dude! According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 4.1 million people have lost their jobs in the last year alone. (The current total is about 11.6 million.)

To add insult to financial injury, some of these firings are handled horribly. Workers report being locked out of their offices, escorted out by security guards, or being replaced by less-experienced (cheaper) employees. Frequently, those lucky enough to hang onto their jobs are asked to take on more work for less dough.

It got me thinking about how similar firing someone from their job is to firing someone from your life. So, I took a gander through a bunch of employment guides and found some resources that could prove useful in your romantic life.

For four years I’ve been dating a man on and off. We were both very happy and we had great chemistry. He wanted to establish a serious relationship, but due to our hectic schedules, we cooled things off for a while. Now he wants to start dating me again and the chemistry is still there. He says he still has feelings for me, but I’m tired of the on and off again relationship. Do you think that this will become serious? My birth date is 6/20/67 at 12:38 pm and his is 8/24/75. —Uncertain

What do you get when you fall in love? According the fan-freaking-tastic Dionne Warwick—and she should know from heartache—“You get enough tears to fill an ocean/That’s what you get for your devotion.” Sing it, sister!

Sure, you get other stuff, too: hearts, cupids, hickeys, the fun stuff. But sometimes the bad outweighs the good, and every once in a while a lady needs to take a break and keep her heart safe from scoundrels looking to shatter it.

However, that doesn’t mean you should hole up alone in beat-up pajamas with only your old pals Netflix and Jim Beam for company. Even when you’re not in the market for love, it’s good to keep one toe in the dating pool. You just need to date effectively. Here are some ways to keep your heart safe while the rest of you has fun.

“I’m a Leo girl (Capricorn Ascendant, Moon in Aries, Mars in Capricorn, Venus in Libra) and I’m extremely emotional. I’m dating a really great guy (Sun in Virgo, Sagittarius Ascendant, Moon in Aquarius, Mars in Leo, Venus in Libra) who is really into me. We have been together for over a year and have a great relationship. We rarely argue, still have an exciting sex life and I think we balance each other out very well. My emotional personality goes well with his practicality and discipline. However, our relationship started out while he was in the process of getting divorced — he and his ex wife have been divorced for eight months now. We’ve gone through numerous difficulties and have come out of those issues closer and stronger than before. My problem seems to be trusting him and controlling my jealous impulses. I want to put my wandering mind to rest and believe that he is faithful. I have no reason NOT to believe this, as he constantly speaks with me and tells me he loves and misses me, but sometimes I can’t help but think that he is sleeping with his ex or someone he works with.

He talks about the future constantly. However, he is skeptical about moving too fast because he thinks that was his issue with his ex-wife. He says that things will develop naturally over time. However, my impatient nature has me ready to move in with him right away. He frequently says, ‘It’s not the right time for us.’ I know I should be patient, trust him and give him time, especially since he just recently got divorced, but I can’t seem to lock my emotions down and trust that this is the right thing for us right now. Help!” —Leo Lady

As I see it, there should be no discussion of a relationship, or exclusivity, within the first three months of dating. Those three months should be a drama and ultimatum-free zone. No jealousy or commitment. Just a period of savoring; the gritty, totally worth it hard work can come later. Save it, potentially, for the rest of your life.

If something works between two people, then there is no rush. That “click” will still be there in three months, and hopefully six, and a year, etc. And once you find that unlucky slob who will Eskimo kiss you when you’re sick, all you have to do in order to preserve your new found mutual attraction is to chill the f**k out, have faith, and not flinch. Let it happen.

It seems that all anyone is talking about lately is the economy, so why is money still such a tough topic to discuss with your nearest and dearest?  They say married couples fight over money more than anything else, but what about when you just started dating? That’s possibly even more awkward. 

Valentine’s Day is a minefield. Whether you’re single or hooked-up the potential for misery is high because, much like New Year’s Eve, it rarely lives up to its reputation.

For the Single Ladies

1. Don’t fall into the trap of believing that because there won’t be some significant other mailing you a mass-produced cardboard sentiment this year, that you are somehow lacking or unworthy of love. Valentine’s Day was designed specifically to sell greeting cards. (And to make single people miserable.) Does being single on Halloween make you wish you were a zombie? No. See how silly you’re being?

I need your help, I’m a Sagittarius (11/23/88) and my boyfriend is a Leo (07/30/89). He’s a really nice guy and he gets along very well with my family, but I feel like he lets people tread all over him. His mom uses him and treats him like a stepchild, and he just takes it. She’s never encouraged him to go to college, and she never motivates him to be better. I’m tired of him being a momma’s boy.

I’m also tired of being the only person encouraging him to do something for himself. I help my mom by babysitting for my siblings, while I also have two jobs, go to school part time, and study for exams; I don’t have time for a loser BF. He does nothing with his life, so we never have anything to talk about. And then there’s our sex life. I feel like an idiot when I’m trying to talk dirty. He’s quiet ALL the time, even in the middle of sex, and it’s always the same two positions. Our sex life is boring, despite the fact that I try so hard by wearing sexy and provocative things. He won’t even spank me! I just don’t know if I should stay with Mr. Nice Guy. —Ms. Naughty Girl

I’m a strong Aquarius and my partner is a Libra. She and I started out as friends; we met through a drama club and a community service club. She would flirt with me and I would flirt back — at the time, I had no idea that I was a lesbian. We quickly became very sexual-hump buddies and then I kissed her in the heat of the moment. Three months later we started having sexy-time-escapades. Then she said she actually liked me; I hesitated, but I said I liked her too.  So, we’ve been dating for about two years now, but I still have a desire to be free.

She can be very controlling and manipulating. I’ve wanted to break up with her, but she threatens to kill herself. Recently, I decided that I would break up with her because I am about to go to college and I really want a clean, focused state of mind upon entering college — but I can’t do it.  I just don’t know what to do about this situation and in my opinion it is getting out of control.  The first time she gave me oral sex we got in a HUGE fight right before — I regret that so much.  Basically, our relationship is based on sexual desire with a hint of friendship.  She is all about being out about being gay and letting everyone know, but I don’t like that idea. I just don’t know what to do. —Ms. Aqua

The biggest, baddest, most terrifying part of falling in love is opening up and letting yourself be vulnerable. When it works, love can seem like the stuff of fairytales: you meet someone, you get to know and like each other, you enter into a mutually trusting and respectful relationship, you fall deeply, madly, hopelessly in love, and you live happily ever after.

At least, for a while.

I’m a Leo (8/10/82) and my boyfriend is a Libra (9/25/81). We’ve been together for about two years and it’s the most compatible relationship I’ve ever had. Most of the time, he’s very sweet to me and would do anything for me. We love each other, marriage has come up in conversation, and we live together. However, he has a slight drinking problem. He’s cut back a lot since we temporarily broke up and got back together. He doesn’t drink every day, all day anymore. He’s not a violent drunk, and, actually, most of the time he doesn’t even get drunk. 

Lately, though, when he has been drunk, he gets a little belligerent and says idiotic things that make no sense. It’s like he’s suffering from dementia. It’s really irritating, especially when he does this around my friends and makes them think he’s an idiot. When I tell him how he’s acting, he’s dismissive. Yesterday, he even called me a bitch, which he knows is my trigger word. I’ve been with an alcoholic before and the relationship was a terrible mess. I don’t want this one to get that way. Is it worth letting him take the slow road to recovery or should I just give up? —Fed Up With Nonsense

Between the Internet, blogging, and social networking, the concept of courtship can seem pretty antiquated. Depending on how Web-present you are, with the push of a button a guy could potentially access everything from your videotaped colonic to your SAT scores to mortifying details of your most recent heartbreak. All this before you’ve even met him in real life.

Once, I was regaling a new date with a funny story—only to have him interrupt and finish it for me. It wasn’t a case of sudden onset Alzheimer’s. I’d never met him before. He’d Googled me and read a piece I’d written that contained the anecdote. I was busted for plagiarizing my own material.

With any luck, your online presence isn’t as loud and embarrassing as mine. Still, living in a post-privacy world begs the question: How much information is too much information? Negotiating the privacy line becomes especially crucial when dating someone new. So here are some guidelines for what to reveal and what to leave unspoken. For now, anyway.

I’m Aries female seeing an Aquarius male for the past eight months. We started off purely sexual, after a year of flirting and shortly after we both got out of previous relationships.  He has made it clear he wasn’t ready for a relationship and I agreed. But our feelings have grown stronger and we have expressed love for each other. He still maintains not being ready for a commitment, yet has gotten extremely jealous at times. In fact, we had our worst argument yet when my ex allowed me to store my things and stay in his extra bedroom when I moved out of my apartment, until I got back on my feet. (Please keep in mind that Mr. Aquarius knew I was going to be in transition and never offered for me to stay with him.) My Aquarius man ended up in the hospital from the stress of this past argument, expressing that his “love for me was about to kill him.”

I’ve never been in a “non-relationship” that was this dramatic. I really do care for this guy. However, I find it hard to follow invisible relationship rules. I have no urges to cheat on him and I completely trust him in that department as well (we’re highly compatible sexually). He’s still not ready for a relationship, yet tells me he’s never experienced a love so strong. What can I expect with him?  I feel he’s being manipulative. Should I just to be patient, because it’s the Aquarius tendency to take relationships slow?  I’m a typical, impatient Aries…and feel I have compromised a lot of myself. Should I just leave him alone? —(Im)patiently Waiting

I never trust couples that claim they don’t fight. I don’t believe them, and even if they aren’t lying, who wants to be with a guy who agrees with everything you say? How boring would that be? The best part of being in a relationship is exposing yourself to new ideas and ways of thinking. If you don’t have any conflict, you’re probably not going to have many sparks.

It may sound counter-intuitive, but one of the most important things a couple should figure out early on is how to fight fairly and effectively. Here’s what not do when you’re engaged in battle….

My birthday is May 1st. My boyfriend’s birthday is June 15th. In March we’ll have been dating for eight years. I’m ready to get married and move the relationship forward. I was going to move in with him a few months back, but he said he knew that wouldn’t “entirely get him off the hook.” I know he is not ready to get married, nor does he know if he wants to have kids, while I know I do. He says I’ll just spend all his money, while I’ve said I would sign a pre-nup. Should I stick it out? I think I know the answer, but I’ve been too scared to break up with him.

To make my life more complicated, there is a guy; he is a Cancer (and seven years younger), and he has been wanting to date me badly. I can’t stop thinking about him. I keep stalling on doing anything because I don’t want to cheat on my boyfriend and I also don’t necessarily want to jump from my boyfriend to another guy. Please help!  I need some advice! —Lost Taurus Gal

A good friend of mine recently reminded me of some advice I’d given her back in college. She was about to sleep with a new boyfriend for the first time and had been fretting about some body part. Apparently I shrugged and told her, “Please—boys are just happy to have a naked girl in the same room as them.”

I was kind of surprised and impressed when she told me I’d actually said these words. Over the years I have had pre-sex panic attacks over (in no particular order): my eyebrows, nasally voice, bad breath, body hair, belly roll(s), teeth, table manners, inner thighs… basically if I had it, I wasted valuable lady hours worrying about it.