After the amazing brouhaha between Kelly and Bethenny on last week’s episode of “The Real Housewives of New York,” this week’s episode was a downright snooze fest.  Watching rich, middle-aged white people play tennis is about as exciting as watching the paint dry in Jill’s new Liberace-inspired apartment, and with Ramona’s new “cool as a cucumber” M.O. when it comes to Simon, we didn’t even have the pleasure of seeing her get her feathers all ruffled when he showed up as her surprise opponent. At least we can always count on the LuAnne to say something utterly ridiculous. This time, her particularly doltish remark of the episode came when the C(o)untess was visiting a group of preteen girls to talk about the importance of self-esteem. When one pleasantly plump girl said she’d like to be a model one day, LuAnne asked her to stand up and without missing a beat, said, “Well, you have a beautiful face, and you know what? Losing weight is easy.” The C(o)untess: writing the book on etiquette one social gaffe at a time!

Anyhoo, check out this hilarious “Ode To The Real Housewives Of NYC” clip above. Let’s hope next week the ladies (including Simon!) are back to their normal insanity.

Just when I had convinced myself that I actually enjoyed the first season of MTV’s “The City,” Lauren, Heidi, Spencer, Audrina, and the rest of “The Hills” crew are back, like the back-stabbing best friends I never had. The season premiere featured a tearful Heidi and Lauren reunion, and Spencer beating up a kid who dared to tell Heidi he saw Spencer hitting on a female bartender. And what’s this I see on the season teaser…?

OMG! Spoiler alert, for those of you who have yet to review your DVR’d “Gossip Girl” from last night: this episode didn’t completely suck! I know, right? Amazing! Let’s dive right into it.

First up: did they or didn’t they? Meaning Blair and Nate, of course. Turns out they didn’t, although Blair has been bringing Nate breakfast at his manse on the windswept Upper East Side moors for the past week. Try telling that to Vanessa, though. After getting a friendly text from her estranged loverboy (or so she thinks!), Our Lady of Indeterminate Ethnicity catches sight of Blair leaving Nate’s abode before school one morning. Chuck rolls up in his limo and lets V know that it was in fact he, the dastardly Bassling, who sent the false text. For you see, Charles has been stalking Blair and is convinced that Nate has resumed sticking his Archibald in her Waldorf. Vanessa resists Chuckie’s attempt to draw her into his plans for revenge, but oh: the episode’s only just begun….

At this point, I love “Gossip Girl” the way I once loved a certain young lad back in my high school days. It’s almost like reliving that entire romance, in fact. Though I loved the show once with a passion beyond compare, it no longer satisfies me. I talk trash about it behind its back. But at the same time, I just can’t let go, because the good parts (the soundtrack, Ed Westwick’s face) are still so good. On some level, I’m still in love.

With that in mind, let’s enter the spectacular zone of white privilege and excess that is this thrice-baked trifle of a guilty pleasure…

I have so many questions as I sit, rapt, through the intro to Monday’s night episode of “Gossip Girl”: Would Dan boink Ol’ Teachy McTeacherson again? Would Serena’s breasts push free of their restrictive corsetry and finally take over the entire screen with their golden magnificence? Would Chuck take his custom-made Saville Row pants off and dance for me and me alone?

Hooray! America’s Next Top Model is BACK and more ridiculous than ever. The best part of each season’s first episode is finding out what theme TyTy and the Jays have decided on for that cycle. Last season, the theme was so ridiculous (um, sending the models into this weird chamber, in some sort of weird laboratory/space motif) that she scrapped it by, like, episode three. This season, Tyra decided to go back in time, to the Roman era, as she—“The Goddess of Fierce”—begins her quest for America’s…Next…Top…Model. In the clip above, TyTy’s disciples freak the eff out as she makes her entrance, and one model declares her to be “extra-terrestrial.” From the Planet Fivehead? We couldn’t agree more.

Tune in NEXT WEDNESDAY at 8pm EST, as we begin our weekly “Top Model” liveblogging, with yours truly, and a few other Frisky guest bloggers!

Despite my sometimes strong aversion to “The Hills,” my DVR was totally set for last night’s showdown. Poor Audrina, hasn’t she had enough trouble with “bad boy” Justin Bobby? Now she hears that her best friend hooked up with him? But would Lauren ever touch someone she hates that much? Hmmm.  This was going to be a dramafest.

The gloriously gorgeous Nate Archibald is back and he brought a good storyline with him! The Captain, aka Nate’s father, is back and he has secret plans. While Nate is initially surprised that his dad wants to make a life with him and his naïve mother, he eventually finds out the truth with Vanessa and the FBI’s help. Extortion and kidnapping?  Excellent work, writers of GG! To think Nate’s own father would basically hold his wife and child for ransom, is so terribly sad and pathetic. I’m glad Nate put on his big boy pants and turned him in. He is now truly the man of the family. Tear!

“Top Chef” is back on Bravo, y’all! I’m so excited. I think it’s one of the best reality TV competition shows and unlike, say, “Hell’s Kitchen,” these chefs are actually insanely talented. Well, from what I can see. It’s not like Taste-O-Vision has been made yet (get on that, scientists). After the jump, I break down some of the stand out contestants and what I think they’ll be known for this season. For the record, you should probably take my recommendations on who is going to win the show and start placing bets. You see, I predicted on episode one of this season’s “America’s Next Top Model” that Analeigh would win and she’s now in the final three—if I had only trusted my instinct and bet on her at Bodog.com, I could be on the way to winning, like, $1000. So trust my instincts.

Snooze, the last few episodes of “Gossip Girl” have been boring me.  Maybe I just hate Jenny’s mullet so much that it’s hard for me to want to watch this, but lately I just feel as if the show is selling itself short.

First of all, where is Nate?  When in doubt or short of material, throw in eye candy.  And “man bangs” makes for some good eye candy. Do not throw in, however, a creepy artist type. I know that they are trying to follow the books by throwing in Cyrus and Aaron Rose, but c’mon, Aaron sucks. He looks like a pedophile. Yes, he does. In addition, Aaron has that gross, sparse pubic hair goatee. If he’s not hot and he’s clearly still banging models, why is Serena still lusting after him? She may be annoying, but she can do way better than Aaron Rose. And nobody would go to Central Park in their nightie!  Franly, no high schooler I know would even wear that to sleep.

Oh, last night’s episode of “America’s Next Top Model” was just so edgy and fierce! The latest “fashion capital of the world” that Tyra has shipped the remaining models off to? Amsterdam! Their first photo shoot? Posing in the windows of sex shops in the famous Red Light District. Oooh, Ty-Ty you are so political—I mean, obviously this was timed for the week before San Francisco voters go to the polls to decide whether to pass Proposition K, which would decriminalize prostitution! Actually, that’s probably just a coincidence because the most political Tyra ever gets is having the models look sexy why humping a ballot box, but whatevs. Anyway, the free love ambiance of Amsterdam must have gotten to some of the models, because Elina, Marjorie, and Annaleigh totally took a naked bubble bath and, apparently, maybe, shaved each other. Clip above.

Last night’s episode of “Mad Men” was a rough one. Rough because it was the last one of the season—but the show has been picked up for season three—and rough because I didn’t think my heart could break any more for Betty Draper. The dichotomy between her life and Peggy’s was glaring—Betty has found out she’s pregnant and despite hinting to her doctor and to her friend that she “cannot have a baby right now”, she does not have the right to choose. Her doctor says she is a woman of means; her friend seems deaf to Betty’s hint that she wants to end her pregnancy. And so, in the end, she screwed a guy in a bar powder room and then took Don back.

Last night’s episode was a total re-enactment of the favorite teen movie “Cruel Intentions.”  Blair was Kathryn, conniving bitch with a secret sexual side, Chuck was Sebastian, the bad boy with a secret good heart, and Vanessa was Annette, the do-gooder who the bad boy tries to persuade.  There was a bet for Chuck to destroy Vanessa, and the reward being sex with Blair.  Just like in the movie, there was a bet for Sebastian to destroy Annette, with a reward of sleeping with Kathryn.  In the end, the boy wins the bet but decides he doesn’t want the girl.  He wants more.

Every television show needs to have that filler episode that addresses the obvious issues that are going to come up, particularly in the case of “Gossip Girl”—Where can they all go to college in order to continue the show?  Just like “Beverly Hills, 90210” and “Dawson’s Creek”, we’re sure creator Josh Schwartz is already worried about how to move his show about high school to the next natural step—college.  However, last night’s episode of “Gossip Girl” was highly unrealistic and missing that certain je ne sais quoi that gets me all revved up for Monday nights.

Last night’s episode of “Mad Men” gave viewers a much needed change of scenery—Don Draper and Pete Campbell flew out of Los Angeles to meet with various airline executives in pursuit of new business. But while Pete devoted his time to the task at hand, Draper took off for Palm Springs with a mysterious 21-year-old woman and band of pretentious, bohemian, and decidedly wealthy nomad friends. Don seemed to be incredibly intrigued by the laissez faire attitude of his latest conquest (yes, they did sleep together—so much for Don remaining faithful to his marriage) probably because she lives the kind of responsibility-free life that he kinda, sorta craves. It was fun to see the way L.A. was in the early ‘60s, the bright sunshine of the poolside atmosphere a welcome change from the greyness of the Sterling Cooper offices. Also, Don Draper looks hot in sunglasses. Next week, it definitely seems like Don is going on a bit of a mission, taking time off from work to pursue something, or someone—there’s been a lot of questions surrounding what Don’s life was like as Dick Whitman. Might there be a love child out there?

Manhattan’s hottest and most scandal ridden family, “The Darlings”, came back into our lives last night with the season two premiere of “Dirty Sexy Money.”  And if last night’s episode was any indication of the drama yet to come, we are surely in for a tantalizing ride.

Opening the episode was family lawyer Nick George (and last week’s Daily Hotness) on his way to his not-such-a-surprise birthday party thrown by the Darlings.  The song “Under Pressure” by Queen is playing in the background to signify that Nick is feeling some sort of heat.  What else is new?  About 10 minutes into his party, after several rounds of awkwardness, the NYPD shows up via helicopters and ground force.  The episode now goes to 48 hours earlier.

Josh Schwartz is certainly turning up the heat.  The media has been buzzing about the first three episodes of this season’s “Gossip Girl” as the best, but episode four had my best friend and I squealing from shock and awe.

First things first, OMFG Lord Marcus is banging his step mom Lady Catherine? Ew. Seriously, my jaw hit the coffee table—an awesome twist that I never saw coming.  And Vanessa, you sly little bitch, intending to catch Nate and Catherine doing the dirty-dirty, but catching that shocker instead…good thing you thought to snap that photo.

It’s becoming increasingly clear that the new 90210 is going to rip off certain aspects of story lines from the old Beverly Hills, 90210. On last night’s episode there were two such instances that were straight up nods to the old Nine-Oh. Read on…

Thank you MTV for finally pulling together two episodes where SOMETHING actually happened on this dang show, and two episodes in a row nonetheless!  Let’s start with my favorite quote by our token traitor, Stephanie Pratt.  “You broke up with a guy who has a private jet?” Stephanie quips to Lauren.  Classic, but as Lauren pointed out, they were still on it weren’t they? Sigh, these kids live the life.

I missed Peggy this week. Our favorite glass ceiling breaker took much of this week’s episode of Mad Men off and the episode, instead, focused on new assistant Jane, Don Draper’s new car (to replace the one he crashed when he was drunk driving with Bobbie Barrett), and Cooper’s new Mark Rothko painting. Needless to say, it was an odd episode. Read on to find out about Jane’s complete and total insubordination and Jimmy Barrett’s big reveal to Betty Draper…