Vampires, virgins, and porn are an obvious trifecta, so it should come as no surprise that a major adult film company, Devil’s Film, is putting out a “Twilight” porn spoof. Mega popular porn star Jenna Haze stars in this hardcore send-up of the emo vampire movie, out Oct. 15 (beating “New Moon”‘s arrival in theaters!). Getting Haze to star in your porn is like getting, oh, Kate Winslet to do your little movie because it gives it instant credibility. As for the plot? No word yet, but something tells me Edward probably shares his blushing Bella with the super horny Cullen clan. [Examiner, Film Drunk]

It was bound to happen. The tabloid news story which has littered the covers of our favorite celeb weekly glossies is now getting even smuttier. “Jon & Kate F**k Eight” will be released by porn company Devil’s Film on Sept. 14 and, strangely enough, it will put a somewhat positive spin on the bitter divorce battle between Jon and Kate Gosselin. “In our movie they go to marriage counseling and come out with the suggestion that maybe they should go out there and bang other people,” explains Devil’s Film sales manager Steve Volpini. “So they do and then it turns out that after they sow their wild oats that they are meant to be together.” How romantic! The movie stars Riley Evans as Kate, Frankie Young as Jon, and Amy Starz, Evie Delatosso, Kristy West, Ashton Pierce, Ralph Long, Jenner, and Alex Gonz in various, er, supporting roles.

I just searched the word “horny” on Twitter (What? It’s lunchtime.) and discovered something interesting. Instead of getting predominantly “I’m so horny, OMG, I need to get laaaaaid”-esque results, I found a plethora of tweets from people advertising that they’re looking to have sex. With you. Now. If you’re into BDSM, that is.

Now that Craigslist has started actively policing the Casual Encounters ads, have people taken their hot and horny business elsewhere, namely Twitter? Most of the ads end up linking back to sexytime “dating” sites like GetItOn.com, which has clearly implemented a new Twitter marketing strategy. Other companies using Twitter to market their “services” include SwingLifestyle.com and Cams.com, which features “live” web cam porn. But what about users operating on their own? One user, “3xgayLA”—who describes himself as “hung”—is looking for a “horny bottom,” but then links back to a Craigslist ad, which features proof of, um, just how hung he is.

Unless you’ve been sleeping under a rock for the last couple of years, you may have noticed an uptick in adult movie spoofs. From “30 Rock” to “The Cosby Show,” no show is sacred when it comes to X-rated remakes of popular sitcoms and movies. But why are movies like “Not the Bradys XXX” the “new gold rush in porn”? According to one director, it’s not the sex that’s the ticket; it’s the humor. (Yeah, right.) And what sacred TV cow does he want to take hardcore next? “The Mary Tyler Moore Show.” Yowza. [Newsweek]

Whatever you do, do not go to PaceHighSchool.com. It’s NSFW or for children for that matter. Sure it sounds innocent, but this high school has a whole other kind of bell-ringing going on—the kinky kind. A Florida high school full of innocent teenagers shares its name with a Canadian porn site full of “Blubbery Bitches,” “Booty Crushers,” and “Wild Party Whores.” Sounds educational to us!  The site, run by PimpRoll, doesn’t even require you to confirm you’re of legal age. But, despite parental complaints, the real Pace High School principal can’t do much to clear his school’s name on the net. “It is their right to do this and we exhausted all possibilities to see if there was anything we could do,” said Principal Frank Lay. (Ha, principal Lay watches his Pace!) The school decided to register PaceHighSchool.net as their domain instead. Hey, at least the real Pace High School is keepin’ up with the times and getting on, not gettin’ it on, the internet. [NWF Daily News]

This morning in Universal City, CA, the AIDS Healthcare Foundation and the Pink Cross Foundation will announce plans to file complaints with the California Division of Occupational Safety & Health (Cal/OSHA) against 16 of the top adult film industry companies, as part of its campaign to persuade Cal/OSHA to enforce mandatory condom use on adult film sets in the Los Angeles-based adult entertainment industry.

The film companies to be named in the complaint include Anarchy Films, Backend Productions, Blue Pictures, Critical X, Hustler Video, Heatwave Entertainment, Immoral Productions, Latin Media, Legend, Mayhem, Maverick Entertainment, Raw Flesh, Sin City, Top Dog/Magnus Productions, Vivid Entertainment, and Club Jenna. 58 films from the 16 companies were considered in the AHF analysis. Continue reading...

And, no, it’s not called “30 C**k.” Porn company New Sensations—which produced porn spoofs based on hit shows like “The Office” and “Scrubs”—has released the XXX flick, featuring characters “Limon,” (based on Tina Fey’s “Liz Lemon”) “Trey Jordan,” (“Tracy Jordan”) and “Jake,” (“Jack Donaghy”). I’m pretty sure “Limon” is played by the same actress that portrayed “Sara Paylin” in “Nailin’ Paylin.” NYMag.com rightly points out that the skin flick does its parody well. “Someone out there in porn-making land has actually done their ‘30 Rock’ homework — there’s even a TGS movie-parody-within-a-show-within-a-show-within-a-parody-porn scene. Color us impressed.” Check out the trailer here.

It’s called the money shot. In straight porn it involves the male giving the female what is euphemistically called “a facial.” (Not the kind from Bliss Spa.) In some porn films, the facial is played up to emphasize his humiliation of and domination of her, but in other porn flicks, the money shot is just something the actors do. In real life, I suspect facials happen more for pleasure than for humiliation, seeing as women have a little thing called self-respect. But when I recently mentioned facials in my 10 Things Women Forget To Do During Sex piece, a hootenanny of condemnation—and defense—broke out in the comments section of that post.

Here’s further proof you can find everything you need to give your apartment a little pizzaz on Craigslist. A guy who bought a former porn studio is selling off some of its leftover wares, including this casting couch, which was used in films like “Casting Couch Whores #8” and “Let’s Bust Nuts on these Butt Sluts, Volume 7.” As for the steep price? The seller doesn’t say why he thinks $5000 is a “bargain price,” but I think he’d be open to negotiation, as it sounds like he needs to move the couch fast. “I have to make space for a set for my upcoming production of ‘Gross! Point Blank,’” he wrote in his ad. [Jerks In Your Area via Agency Spy]

We love the idea, in theory, of a porn magazine for women. Unfortunately, Filament, a British for-women-by-women porn mag, is having a lot of troubles. First, the above-the-waist photos of “feminine” male models, which Filament‘s editors said academic research proved women are attracted to, were not pornographic enough for us. Sorry, but Rufus Wainwright clones don’t make us hot. Fortunately, the mag listened to the complaints and is trying to, um, fluff their content by including guys with erections in the next issue. But now Filament‘s publisher has stated it will not allow them to print pictures of aroused men. [Guardian UK]

Who cares about the “Saved By The Bell” reunion? Think “Saved by the Bell” sexual union instead. Yes, the folks at Hustler are hard at work on a porn parody of our friends at Bayside High: “This Ain’t Saved by the Bell XXX.” Noooo! I don’t want to see Mr. Belding call Jessie Spano (Elizabeth Berkley, pre-“Showgirls”) into the principal’s office for a spanking. Or Kelly Kapowski perform a strip routine on a pole at The Max, seductively removing her Keds and cutoff jean shorts. Or Screech getting shoved in his locker naked! Come to think of it, I bet they could get Dustin Diamond to participate after all. Point being: I’m so excited ... I mean ... I’m so scared! This was my childhood, dammit!

After the jump, more ‘80s and ‘90s television shows we have a feeling will soon go XXX.

If you’ve had your fill of adult movie spoofs, perhaps you would be interested in a musical about porn stars? A theater group is interviewing adult film stars in The Valley and collecting their stories to be turned into songs for a singing stage production of a not-yet-titled porn musical. Go figure! The New York-based Civilians and Los Angeles-based Center Theatre Group are joining forces to create the first (so far as I know) musical about the lives and times of those who live and work in San Fernando Valley’s sex industry. It’s like “Fiddler on the Roof”! With a lot more foolin’ around. [LA Times]

On September 12, 2009, the Erotic Heritage Museum in Las Vegas will celebrate its 1st Anniversary with an “XXXtravagasmic Night of Celebration and Appreciation.”

In the lead-up to the event, and as part of my ongoing Sexy Art feature, I will be featuring some of the artists whose work is currently on exhibition at the museum (see my previous articles on Michael Grecco’s “Naked Ambition” and Bobby Logic’s “First Kiss”).

Today’s slideshow features the museum’s collection of original one-sheet poster art from classic adult films.

A man in Florida has quite the alibi as to why police found more than 1,000 images of child pornography on his computer. He said his cat did it. Now, I’ve heard about dogs eating homework, but never have I come across the my-cat-downloaded-porn-while-my-computer-was-open-trading-music defense. Well, if he ever is acquitted of the porn charges, he’s all clear to be the next victim of attack by the RIAA for openly admitted to authorities that he was downloading music. [Yahoo News]

Well, it was bound to happen. Porn company Lethal Hardcore Video has spoofed the Sarah Palin/David Letterman feud for a flick called, ahem, “F**k My Mom and Me.” In the dirty movie, “Letterman” has sexual relations with both the former Governor (“Sara Paelin”) and her daughter (“Bristhole Paelin”). Has porn finally gone too far?! I’m sure Palin thinks so, but this is just another example of the negative side of putting your family in the limelight (and People magazine). As for the mother/daughter theme, this is hardly new. Porn with incestuous themes are pretty common—I’ve seen (and by “seen” I mean, uh, glimpsed, not watched) porn where two actresses, playing mother/daughter, sisters, etc. schtoop each other. I’ve even seen some twin porn and what’s icky about that is that it’s hard to fake identical twins. [AVN.com]

Another day, another thing that’s “bad for women.” This time it’s emo vampires. Slate’s Grady Hendrix writes:

America’s young women [are] receiving troubling misinformation about the male of the species from “Twilight.” These women are going to be shocked when the sensitive, emotionally available, poetry-writing boys of their dreams expect a bit more from a sleepover than dew-eyed gazes and chaste hugs.

Whatever. Why is there always so much hand-wringing over the pop culture influences that are supposedly awful for women? What about men? I can think of plenty of pop culture trends that could be just as harmless to them. Here are 15 to start…

Will the adult movie spoofs ever end? We think not. Now that Porn Valley has spoofed “The Cosby Show,” Sarah Palin’s career, and Lindsay Lohan’s life, they’re tackling the realty TV dating trainwreck that is “Rock of Love” with the aptly titled “Crock of Love.” Starring Evan Stone, the porn star who appeared in that XXX-clip that “accidentally” aired during the Super Bowl, as Brüte Michaels, viewers will witness “rose ceremonies, bitchy girl fights, emotional testimonials and fame-hungry women baring their souls (among other things) as they try to scratch, claw and sleep their way into Brüte’s life.” Sounds about right. Release date is Aug. 4—if you’re, uh, into that sort of thing.

A hot, naked, blonde woman caught on tape. A lot of straight men don’t need to hear anything more. Sold.

But what if we find out the video was filmed without the knowledge of the unwitting star? What if it’s a super creepy invasion of privacy?

Same reaction, apparently. Yeah, the grossest part of this whole Erin Andrews story—the pretty, blonde ESPN sports reporter who was recorded naked in her hotel room through a peephole—isn’t that some creep made a peeping Tom video. It’s how so many people, knowing Andrews didn’t consent to being filmed, still wanted to watch it.

Yesterday, we suggested to you some sexy, pornographic reads from the Victorian Era. In today’s installment of alternative ways to get your porn: sleazy 60s novels. These series started flourishing just as sexual morals were finally loosening up—when Elvis captured America’s heart (and loins), and Nabokov’s Lolita was finally accepted as a non-pornographic work. While there are a bevy of options out there, the titles from Liverpool Library Press are particularly raunchy (and hilarious). Far from being politically correct, the quick reads feature titles like The Panty Salesman, Family Love, and The Unholy Master. Yet those are tame in comparison to some of the downright offensive ones like Nazi Joy Camp, Apache Vengeance, Rape Riot, and A Family Sandwich. Okay, fine, maybe these are more hilarious than they are seductive.

While they’re out of print, you can still get your hands on copies via used and vintage booksellers. After the jump, some excerpts.