We love sex. You love sex. Well, that’s out of the way.

Seeing as we’re both in agreement over the importance of sex, the excitement of sex, the giggle-inducing, gasp-inspiring, slow-motion tsunami of gooseflesh-triggering awesomeness of sex, we can move on to why it is we can’t really talk about S-E-X.

Women think men are mysterious when it comes to knocking boots, or worse, single-minded and simplistic. We’re not. You’re mysterious, and that’s not playground rhetoric. The difference between what we want and what you want, our needs and yours, is the difference between banal home theater instruction manuals and more exotic hieroglyphics.

Nothing says Penthouse magazine quite like boobs, a g-string, and good Christian morals….wait, whaaaa? The porno publication famous for its scantily clad “pets” has been saved from financial ruin by branching out into internet dating with BigChurch.com. The site, which boasts a half a million members nationwide, is like a conservative Jesus-loving version of JDate.com. Sexy pickup lines include “Love God and you will be loved too,” “Trying 2 find the Light can u help,” and “I’m looking for Christian woman with mature thinking for good relationship.” [Newsweek]

When I was in college I lived with a gay guy for a couple years who had a truly impressive collection of gay porn. I’m sure when he would watch it in private he was, you know, take care of business, but he was also fond of watching it in the living room like it was a regular ol’ romantic comedy. As a result, I got really used to watching graphic gay porn while I was doing homework or making dinner. While I’m totally desensitized to the images of spread legs and multiple penises, I never became one of the women the Village Voice talks about who loves gay porn. But I have a straight female friend who totally gets off on it. I have to admit that man-on-man loves does give me a little flutter (see: Y Tu Mama Tambien and Brokeback Mountain) but gay porn just has too much ween for my taste. But to each their own! [Village Voice]

GodTube is so awesome. A sin-free alternative to YouTube, GodTube has all sorts of Christian videos, including ones that teach sinners lessons. Like this guy, who gets busted watching dirty, disgusting porn by Jesus Christ himself! Isn’t it kind of blasphemous to suggest that Jesus has a mullet? Pretty sure he’d like to be thought of as more stylish than that. [GodTube]

Erotic pictures from the 1800s were very different from the ones guys gaze at these days. The women didn’t have fake tans or have silicone boobs; there was not such thing as a women’s razor, and they definitely didn’t wax; and men were often photographed with their socks on (just like Eliot Spitzer!).

From AIM to Skype to plain ol’ internet porno, many of us have mastered the skill of typing with one hand. Sure, cyber sex can talk the talk, but soon it will also be able to walk the walk. Strokerz Toyz is developing the first affordable motion capture suit for lay people.  Set to hit shelves in 2009, it will offer users an animated fore into getting freaky via their PC.  With multiple backdrops, folks will be able to develop their own wet dreams in 3-D and interface with others who have suited up in the sweet looking body harness. Soon you’ll be able to make all the right moves from miles away. [Wired]

U.S. Representative Paul Broun (R-Ga) has introduced a bill that would ban all sexually explicit material from military bases overseas, including Playboy, Penthouse, and Maxim magazines—currently there is a ban on “porn” enforced, but there is a loophole. Critics of the bill say it would be bad for morale.

A Department of Defense committee that reviews materials sold on bases ruled last year that magazines such as Playboy and Penthouse are not pornographic. But Broun’s Military Honor and Decency Act includes language that could make those magazines eligible for the ban…. Broun, a Marine veteran, told Newsweek recently that the magazines sold in military exchanges are partly responsible for a rise in sexual assaults in the military and other problems.

What really turns women on?  The Cambridge Women’s Pornography Cooperative set out to create books of really sexy stuff by stripping away the usual conventions of the genre.  In their SFW books with a sense of humor, Porn for Women and Porn For New Moms, you won’t find the typical tan babes wearing nothing but a smile.  But what you will find inside maybe be something even more satisfying—hotties doing housework. 

Does Jimi Hendrix have a sex tape? Of all the dead rock stars we want to see naked, he’s close to the top, so we squealed a little when we read this story. A porn distributor sold the film to Vivid after the footage was found by a collector who bought a box of rock memorabilia bought at an auction. So how do they know for sure that the man in the film is Hendrix? The DVD includes commentary from two women who had sex with Hendrix and believe the tape is real: Pamela Des Barres, the author of “I’m With the Band: Confessions of a Groupie” and Cynthia “Plaster Caster” Albritton, who was known for doing plaster casts of the genitals of rock stars, including Hendrix. [NY Times]

The internet is bad! Before it came along and opened up the eyes of youngsters everywhere to online porn, little boys had to steal from their fathers’ secret stash of Playboy, or, at the very least, the swimsuit of Sports Illustrated. But a study published in CyberPyschology and Behaviour revealed that men between 12 and 17 who regularly viewed porn had sex at an earlier age and were more likely to initiate oral sex. Women who watched pornography at younger age also lost their virginity earlier. “The internet is having some kind of accelerant effect, influencing and changing behavior,” said Shane Krauss, a psychologist from Castleton State College in Vermont, who performed the survey. “Males are having oral sex and losing their virginity much younger when they are exposed to pornography, sometimes by a good three or four years for oral sex or two years for their virginity.” In short, make sure your kids stay on the Disney website, rather than clicking over to X Tube if you want them to remain chaste longer. [Sunday Herald (Scotland)]

PixlPorn.com is a site with nude celeb photos you can actually peruse while you’re at work. How is it possible, you ask, to view Paris Hilton’s nipple, Pamela Anderson’s vagina, and Colin Ferrell’s penis without getting bad looks from my boss? Well, the photos are of such low resolution that you actually can’t see much of anything. Clive Owen’s butt is just nine flesh-colored pixels. But maybe thinking about the fact that you’re staring at Clive’s backside will turn you on, even if you can’t recognize what it is. [PixlPorn.com]

When we read the April issue of Marie Claire, we seriously bugged out over the story, “My Sister The Porn Star” by Robert Radin. First of all, it was depressing and creepy, two words we’re not used to associating with a fashion-happy lady mag. Second of all, it kind of pissed us off that the writer of the story seemed to be weirdly voyeuristic and, dare we say it, pervy about discovering that his sister was an adult film star. While the article went into the details of Radin’s sister’s tragic life, it didn’t give any insight into whether, you know, he gave a crap if she was dead or alive. Her story seemed like a quick and easy way for him to make a quick buck. Thankfully, we’re not alone in this sentiment. Nerve sums it up very nicely.

We sent out Frisky TV reporter Lori to ask men and women on the street a puzzling question—would you rather watch a dirty video with your mom and dad, or one starring mom and dad? Here are the dismayed responses.